Just Another Mike the Tiger Rant

Hi Boys and Girls. Gather 'round and the ole' Barrister will tell you a story from yesteryear. Back when TIGERS really roamed TIGER STADIUM. Oh, now little ones...I know what you are thinking. ...you just watched the Tigers the play didn't you? Well, what I bet you didn't know is that Tiger Stadium used have a REAL LIVE BENGAL TIGER. No...really...it is true. Just ask you grandfather...or your mom...or anyone who went to LSU games...say...4 freakin years ago BEFORE WE GOT MIKE " I-AM-TOO-SCARED-OF-THE-THE -SPOOKY-TRAILER" VI.

So here is the deal....we are supposed to be the FIGHTING TIGERS, right? I remember when we would park that trailer next to the tunnel where other teams would run out and the sight of a HUGE BIG BENGAL TIGER was actually kinda unsettling to some of the opposing players. I have heard them say so in interviews. Hell, we loved hearing MIKE V GROWL and ROAR over the stadium loudspeakers. Unless, we are playing the Mighty OBAWASHEE STATE WADING POOL TOYS the opposing team has no reason to fear our Mascot.

Now, don't get me wrong. I LIKE MIKE. Heck, I LOVE MIKE ! If I was a big Tiger and LSU had me in that big ole spread I would swim, eat, and sleep my butt off too. Who I am really chapped at is the bleeding hearts at the VET SCHOOL.
"OOOO...let's not put him in the trailer for this game because we switched him to a new food 3 weeks ago and we are worried the ride may upset his tummy." "OOOO..we can't expect Mike to make the game today because he was up late last night getting his fur brushed out and he needs his rest."

FOR CRYING OUT LOUD !!!!! I WANT MY STADIUM MASCOT BACK !!!

The VEGANS at the VET school can "tranQ'" his rear-end every time they want to let some FRESHMAN brush his teeth, but they won't blow a dart in that butt and drag him up in the trailer a couple of hours before KICK-OFF? Let him wake up in the trailer surrounded by a couple of big Rib-Eyes from Whole Foods. Heck....send me the bill ( but only if I can get the TAF points for it).

I am sick of seeing other schools ROCK THEIR MASCOTS on national TV every Saturday. BUFFALOS charging across fields, EAGLES swooping from the top of stadiums, TROJANS on HORSEBACK....heck...that fat, UGA sitting on a bag of ice is frickin more bad-to-the-bone than MIKE is right now. At least he comes to the games..

Isn't there anyway we can run that TIGER out on the field in pre-game? NOW THAT would be a pre-game show. Let's put a couple of long poles on each side and some strong handlers and just sprint that lazy fat feline 100 yards.....preferably after opposing team takes field. ( Ok...joking a little there...but)

Gotta bring back the BITE to TIGER STADIUM.