Improve your health through eating boogers!

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Where did this sudden fear of germs come from in this country? Have you noticed this? The media constantly running stories about all the latest infections? Salmonella, E-coli, hanta virus, bird flu, and Americans will panic easily so everybody's running around scrubbing this and spraying that and overcooking their food and repeatedly washing their hands, trying to avoid all contact with germs. It's ridiculous and it goes to ridiculous lengths.

In prisons, before they give you lethal injection, they swab your arm with ALCOHOL. Wouldn't want some guy to go to hell AND be sick. Fear of germs, why these frickin' pussies. You can't even get a decent hamburger anymore they cook the shite out of everything now 'cause everyone's afraid of FOOD POISONING! Hey, wheres you sense of adventure? Take a frickin' chance will you? Hey you know how many people die of food poisoning in this country? Nine thousand, thats all, its a minor risk.

Take a frickin' chance bunch of goddamn pussies. Besides, what d'ya think you have an immune system for? It's for killing germs! But it needs practice, it needs germs to practice on. So if you kill all the germs around you, and live a completely sterile life, then when germs do come along, you're not gonna be prepared. And never mind ordinary germs, what are you gonna do when some super virus comes along that turns your vital organs into liquid shite?! I'll tell you what your gonna do ... you're gonna get sick. You're gonna die and your gonna deserve it because you're fricking weak and you got a frickin' weak immune system!

Let me tell you a true story about immunization ok. When I was a little boy in New York city in the nineteen-forties, we swam in the Hudson river. And it was filled with raw sewage! OK? We swam in raw sewage, you know, to cool off. And at that time the big fear was polio. Thousands of kids died from polio every year. But you know something? In my neighborhood no one ever got polio. No one! EVER! You know why? Cause WE SWAM IN RAW SEWAGE! It strengthened our immune system, the polio never had a prayer. We were tempered in raw shite!

So personally I never take any precautions against germs. I don't shy away from people who sneeze and cough. I don't wipe off the telephone, I don't cover the toilet seat, and if I drop food on the floor I pick it up and eat it! Even if I'm at side walk cafe! IN CALCUTTA! THE POOR SECTION! ON NEW YEARS MORNING DURING A SOCCER RIOT! And you know something? In spite of all the so called "risky behavior ".... I never get infections. I don't get em. I don't get colds, I don't get flu, I don't get headaches, I don't get upset stomach, And you know why? Cause I got a good strong immune system! And it gets a lot of practice!

My immune system is equipped with the biological equivalent of fully automatic military assault rifles, with night vision and laser scopes. And we have recently acquired phosphorous grenades, cluster bombs and anti personnel fragmentation mines.

So, when my white blood cells are on patrol reconnoitering my blood stream seeking out strangers and other undesirables, and if they see any, ANY, suspicious looking germs of any kind, THEY DON'T. frick. AROUND. They whip out the weapons, they wax the motherfricker and deposit the unlucky fellow directly into my colon! Into my colon. There's no nonsense! There's no miranda warning, there's none of that three strikes and your out bullshite. First defense, BAM! Into the colon you go!

And speaking of my colon, I want you to know I don't automatically wash my hands every time I go to the bathroom. Can you deal with that? Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. You know when I wash my hands? When I shite on them! That's the only time. And you know how many times that happens? Tops-tops-two maybe three times a week. Tops! Maybe a little more frequently over the holidays. You know what I mean?

And I will tell you something else, my well-scrubbed friends. You don't always need a shower every day. Did you know that?? It's overkill! Unless you work out, or work outdoors, or for some reason come in intimate contact with huge amounts of filth and garbage every day, you don't always need a shower.

All you really need is to wash the four key areas: armpits, a-hole, crotch and teeth! Got that? The hookers bath. Armpits, a-hole, crotch and teeth. In fact, you can save yourself a whole lot of time if you simply use the same brush on all four areas!"

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But one booger on my daughters nose will make me dry heave.

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and I was joking when I told a GF that eating boogers was good for you.

I was right.

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But one booger on my daughters nose will make me dry heave.

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boogers, has a sugary taste

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