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So how do you approach your parents about their estate plans?
Posted on 5/4/14 at 10:27 am
Posted on 5/4/14 at 10:27 am
My parents are late 50's/early 60's. Both have solid retirement plans and will be okay long term, but you never know.
My father and mother are divorced. They have me and I have a sibling. Said sibling is not in a position to handle any plans or long term care for the parentals. One has already recognized this and listed me as beneficiary and given verbal instructions in case of any emergencies or the unthinkable/inevitable occurs.
I am concerned about the sibling as they have no long term plan. Their own children and family situation is sub optimal. They are a long time manipulator of both my parents and I see this happening as they age and it concerns me.
One parent has already indicated that they want my siblings share given to them in a 25/12.5/12.5 cut up of the total with the two 12.5% shares set aside for the siblings children to access in later adulthood. I am already aware that the sibling will take massive issue with this I am prepared for a contentious problem down the road.
I will not need my parents money in the future. This isn't about me stealing from them or getting over on my sibling. But how do I make sure I don't end up in probate court or in some protracted fight with said sibling as they try to wrestle with me over estate assets?
Where do I start without making this a me vs sibling children's rivalry? How do you avoid offending your parents by bringing this subject up? I'm trying to save crying and gnashing of teeth down the road, but where do I start?
My father and mother are divorced. They have me and I have a sibling. Said sibling is not in a position to handle any plans or long term care for the parentals. One has already recognized this and listed me as beneficiary and given verbal instructions in case of any emergencies or the unthinkable/inevitable occurs.
I am concerned about the sibling as they have no long term plan. Their own children and family situation is sub optimal. They are a long time manipulator of both my parents and I see this happening as they age and it concerns me.
One parent has already indicated that they want my siblings share given to them in a 25/12.5/12.5 cut up of the total with the two 12.5% shares set aside for the siblings children to access in later adulthood. I am already aware that the sibling will take massive issue with this I am prepared for a contentious problem down the road.
I will not need my parents money in the future. This isn't about me stealing from them or getting over on my sibling. But how do I make sure I don't end up in probate court or in some protracted fight with said sibling as they try to wrestle with me over estate assets?
Where do I start without making this a me vs sibling children's rivalry? How do you avoid offending your parents by bringing this subject up? I'm trying to save crying and gnashing of teeth down the road, but where do I start?
5
Posted on 5/4/14 at 11:14 am to GFunk
forward them an article on split families and estate planning. (find one that's relevant/similar to your situation)
"thought yall might be interested in this, it's something yall definitely need to do if you haven't already."
"thought yall might be interested in this, it's something yall definitely need to do if you haven't already."
This post was edited on 5/4/14 at 11:17 am
Posted on 5/4/14 at 11:46 am to GFunk
Prefacing my comments by saying I just went through a lot of this as my dad was killed in an auto accident.
I'd tell them that for their wishes to be upheld, they need to create a trust if they have not already. The trust needs to be for the children specifically. Their will needs to state that a certain percentage of their assets go directly into the trust.
This way, your sibling can't contest it.
Good luck. We had a lot of luck by being open and honest, and having uncomfortable conversations proactively.
I'd tell them that for their wishes to be upheld, they need to create a trust if they have not already. The trust needs to be for the children specifically. Their will needs to state that a certain percentage of their assets go directly into the trust.
This way, your sibling can't contest it.
Good luck. We had a lot of luck by being open and honest, and having uncomfortable conversations proactively.
Posted on 5/4/14 at 11:51 am to GFunk
I am always surprised to hear when a particular topic might be offensive to a family member. Either I could not care less about offending my family (which I don't), or we are close enough for it not to matter.
When my mom was dying years ago, I had her power of attorney to handle her affairs. She was divorced from my dad for some 20 years, but they both held interest in a private business - roughly 48% of the business combined with the remainder held by a different family. My mom had gotten $0 from it from the beginning while my dad had been paid "attorney fees" for years, which I thought were really share of profits. So I called my dad out on it and basically coerced him into selling our family's block of shares to the other family. He did not speak to me for a week, but he came around and we sold. Our relationship is just fine now that the issue is well behind us.
Maybe I just don't give a crap about offending someone, but I think these sorts of issues are too important to pussyfoot around. Just invite them to dinner and discuss your concerns. I can't imagine why anyone would be offended by something like this, but if they are, they'll get over it.
When my mom was dying years ago, I had her power of attorney to handle her affairs. She was divorced from my dad for some 20 years, but they both held interest in a private business - roughly 48% of the business combined with the remainder held by a different family. My mom had gotten $0 from it from the beginning while my dad had been paid "attorney fees" for years, which I thought were really share of profits. So I called my dad out on it and basically coerced him into selling our family's block of shares to the other family. He did not speak to me for a week, but he came around and we sold. Our relationship is just fine now that the issue is well behind us.
Maybe I just don't give a crap about offending someone, but I think these sorts of issues are too important to pussyfoot around. Just invite them to dinner and discuss your concerns. I can't imagine why anyone would be offended by something like this, but if they are, they'll get over it.
Posted on 5/4/14 at 1:12 pm to GFunk
If your parents also recognize the nature of your sibling, they should have no problem putting their wishes down on paper with a will to head off any issues with your sibling once your parents are gone.
Frame it that way.
Frame it that way.
Posted on 5/4/14 at 1:19 pm to boosiebadazz
Boosie, to be quite honest, wills mean nothing if they are contested, and while they recognize the nature of my sibling, grandchildren are powerful pawns unfortunately.
I lean towards a living trust but again I just want to know how to approach this in a respectful, loving manner...
I lean towards a living trust but again I just want to know how to approach this in a respectful, loving manner...
Posted on 5/4/14 at 1:29 pm to GFunk
Talk to your Financial Advisor and have him/her get you copies of the white papers published by MFS(a mutual fund company). They've got several concise papers that are written on the consumers' level of understanding.
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