George Costanza’s 10 Commandments For “Working Hard” | TigerDroppings.com

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TheCaterpillar
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George Costanza’s 10 Commandments For “Working Hard”



I have had this on my desk for 6 months or so and had to make copies for several people in the office. Figured it was perfect to re-post on this miserably cold and wet Friday.

Which ones are you guilty of?

Me: 1, 2, 6 (late email is golden), and 7 (I go for the hair and face rub instead of loud sighing)


quote:

George Costanza's 10 Commandments For 'Working Hard'

1 - Never walk without a document in your hands.
People with documents in their hands look like hardworking employees heading for important meetings. People with nothing in their hands look like they're heading for the cafeteria. People with a newspaper in their hand look like they're heading for the toilet. Above all, make sure you carry loads of stuff home with you at night, thus generating the false impression that you work longer hours than you do.

2 - Use computers to look busy.
Any time you use a computer, it looks like "work" to the casual observer. You can send and receive personal e-mail, chat, and generally have a blast without doing anything remotely related to work. These aren't exactly the societal benefits that the proponents of the computer revolution would like to talk about but they're not bad either. When you get caught by your boss -- and you will get caught -- your best defense is to claim you're teaching yourself to use new software, thus saving valuable training dollars.

3 - Keep a messy desk.
Top management can get away with a clean desk. For the rest of us, it looks like we're not working hard enough. Build huge piles of documents around your workspace. To the observer, last year's work looks the same as today's work; it's volume that counts. Pile them high and wide. If you know somebody is coming to your cubicle, bury the document you'll need halfway down in an existing stack and rummage for it when he/she arrives.

4 - Use voice mail.
Never answer your phone if you have voice mail. People don't call you just because they want to give you something for nothing -- they call because they want you to do work for them. That's no way to live. Screen all your calls through voice mail. If somebody leaves a voice-mail message for you and it sounds like impending work, respond during lunch hour when you know they're not there -- it looks like you're hardworking and conscientious even though you're being a devious weasel.

5 - Look impatient & annoyed.
One should also always try to look impatient and annoyed to give your bosses the impression that you are always busy.

6 - Leave the office late.
Always leave the office late, especially when the boss is still around. You could read magazines and storybooks that you always wanted to read but have no time until late before leaving. Make sure you walk past the boss' room on your way out. Send important e-mail at unearthly hours (e.g. 9:35 p.m.,7:05 a.m., etc.) and during public holidays.

7 - Use sighing for effect.
Sigh loudly when there are many people around, giving the impression that you are under extreme pressure.

8 - Opt for the stacking strategy.
It is not enough to pile lots of documents on the table. Put lots of books on the floor etc. (thick computer manuals are the best).

9 - Build your vocabulary.
Read up on some computer magazines and pick out all the jargon and new products. Use the phrases freely when in conversation with bosses. Remember; they don't have to understand what you say, but you sure sound impressive.

10 - Don't get caught.
MOST IMPORTANT: Don't forward this page's URL to your boss by mistake!








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LSUzealot
New Orleans Saints Fan
Napoleon and Magazine
Member since Sep 2003
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re: George Costanza’s 10 Commandments For “Working Hard”








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rmc
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Zachary, LA
Member since Sep 2004
22547 posts

re: George Costanza’s 10 Commandments For “Working Hard”


I do 2, 3, 6 (on my phone or remoting in at home), 8


This post was edited on 12/6 at 9:08 am


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Tayday
LSU Fan
Baton Rouge, LA
Member since Mar 2011
5137 posts

re: George Costanza’s 10 Commandments For “Working Hard”


I like it





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Emiliooo
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Member since Jun 2013
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re: George Costanza’s 10 Commandments For “Working Hard”










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Byron Bojangles III
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Member since Nov 2012
19003 posts
 Online 

re: George Costanza’s 10 Commandments For “Working Hard”


quote:

5 - Look impatient & annoyed.
One should also always try to look impatient and annoyed to give your bosses the impression that you are always busy.


this works best

guy behind me does this like 256 times a day

quote:

7 - Use sighing for effect.
Sigh loudly when there are many people around, giving the impression that you are under extreme pressure.







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SUB
LSU Fan
Member since Jan 2009
3700 posts

re: George Costanza’s 10 Commandments For “Working Hard”


OP must be the King of Chain Emails like Michael Scott.





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The Estimator
New Orleans Pelicans Fan
Baton Rouge
Member since Jul 2012
512 posts

re: George Costanza’s 10 Commandments For “Working Hard”


quote:

this works best

guy behind me does this like 256 times a day


I feel like we all know these people. I always think to myself, "either they are letting work bother them WAY too much, or they are faking it."






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TheCaterpillar
LSU Fan
Nashville from BR via Oxford
Member since Jan 2004
36291 posts

re: George Costanza’s 10 Commandments For “Working Hard”


quote:

OP must be the King of Chain Emails like Michael Scott.


Ha, I got this on here and print it out for people.

Chain emails are punishable by death in our office because of limited mailbox space.






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TH03
Texas A&M Fan
Member since Dec 2008
94626 posts

re: George Costanza’s 10 Commandments For “Working Hard”


quote:

2 - Use computers to look busy.
quote:

3 - Keep a messy desk.
quote:


4 - Use voice mail.
quote:

5 - Look impatient & annoyed.
quote:

Send important e-mail at unearthly hours (e.g. 9:35 p.m.,7:05 a.m., etc.) and during public holidays.
quote:

7 - Use sighing for effect.
quote:

8 - Opt for the stacking strategy.
quote:

9 - Build your vocabulary.



damn, I'm a model Costanza employee






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TheCaterpillar
LSU Fan
Nashville from BR via Oxford
Member since Jan 2004
36291 posts

re: George Costanza’s 10 Commandments For “Working Hard”


quote:

-Make sure you walk past the boss' room on your way out if you're leaving late.

-Send important e-mail at unearthly hours (e.g. 9:35 p.m.,7:05 a.m., etc.) and during public holidays.


I do these VERY regularly.







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Byron Bojangles III
LSU Fan
Member since Nov 2012
19003 posts
 Online 

re: George Costanza’s 10 Commandments For “Working Hard”


quote:

9 - Build your vocabulary.
Read up on some computer magazines and pick out all the jargon and new products. Use the phrases freely when in conversation with bosses. Remember; they don't have to understand what you say, but you sure sound impressive.


this won't work too well if you work in IT fwiw






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tigerpimpbot
LA-Monroe Fan
The 561
Member since Nov 2011
30361 posts

re: George Costanza’s 10 Commandments For “Working Hard”


quote:

Any time you use a computer, it looks like "work" to the casual observer. You can send and receive personal e-mail, chat, and generally have a blast without doing anything remotely related to work.


Fo sho. I'm doing this right now at the office.






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lsu_tiger_az
LSU Fan
AZ/LA
Member since Mar 2004
30404 posts

re: George Costanza’s 10 Commandments For “Working Hard”


#11 - Wear a headset with a microphone....


If someone comes in to your workspace, you can nod and change your expression, occasionally reply to your non person on the phone....

only in the direst of needs will someone ask you to get off the call to help them....







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TheCaterpillar
LSU Fan
Nashville from BR via Oxford
Member since Jan 2004
36291 posts

re: George Costanza’s 10 Commandments For “Working Hard”


I am currently looking very disheveled on my computer like I'm swamped, yet I am typing on tigerdroppings.

Colorful spreadsheets open on my big monitor though.






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detmut
Georgetown Fan
Jesuit 81 Metairie
Member since Sep 2011
1788 posts

re: George Costanza’s 10 Commandments For “Working Hard”


leave your car parked in the company lot





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BottomlandBrew
LSU Fan
New Orleans
Member since Aug 2010
13133 posts

re: George Costanza’s 10 Commandments For “Working Hard”


I am guilty of all of these except sighing. I more prefer the stretching and groaning.





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PuntBamaPunt
Vanderbilt Fan
Member since Nov 2010
6666 posts

re: George Costanza’s 10 Commandments For “Working Hard”


google 'festivus' on look on the left





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TheCaterpillar
LSU Fan
Nashville from BR via Oxford
Member since Jan 2004
36291 posts

re: George Costanza’s 10 Commandments For “Working Hard”


quote:

I more prefer the stretching


I like the hair and face rub where it looks like you're so stressed out no one should even try to talk to you...



Also, I put headphones in and no one talks to people with headphones in. Half the time they aren't even on.






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TheCaterpillar
LSU Fan
Nashville from BR via Oxford
Member since Jan 2004
36291 posts

re: George Costanza’s 10 Commandments For “Working Hard”


quote:

google 'festivus' on look on the left



I love Seinfeld and don't get it. Its a pole?

What am I missing? My brain is moving at half mast today.






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