Beware of the 5 lb Bag of Haribo Gummy Bears | TigerDroppings.com

Posted byMessage
foreverLSU
USA Fan
Member since Mar 2006
16356 posts

Beware of the 5 lb Bag of Haribo Gummy Bears


per these Amazon reviews


quote:

Next time I am scheduled for a colonoscopy, I plan to eat sugar free gummi bears instead of drinking that nasty magnesium citrate. The bears are delicious and the cleansing effect is the same!



quote:

As I type this review, I'm on the toilet, surrounded by my dearest family and friends and a priest. I'm not exactly sure whether this is an exorcism or if I'm getting my last rites read to me. This very well could be my final crowning moment. I may never make it back to my feet. What a way to go. Will I go out by suffocating in a toxic byproduct stench? Will I croak from my body expelling all essential nutrients for life? Is this the apacolypse?
What is occurring in my body right now may only be explained with the final 20 minutes of the movie Independence Day. The sweet gummy bears that I thought I had chewed and swallowed have now resurrected inside my bowels with a vengeance. The only thing that I can imagine they are doing is s***ting inside my digestive tract. Decomposed zombie gummy bear s***. This can't be all my s***. There's no way. That's not my s***. That's s*** from a supernatural entity living inside me. Literally nothing I've eaten in a dozen years could possibly turn my arse into a to-scale model of Mt. St. Helens, violently spewing what smells like a public bus filled with homeless people with fresh perms, in Mexico City at such a cyclic rate, that I'm worried the war veteran below me thinks he's storming Normandy again.




quote:

After reading these reviews I decided to buy a couple bags to test on my roommate. He's that guy that will just take a bite of your sandwich OR if you just so happen to have a bowl of delicious gummy bears on the table he will take it upon himself to handful after handful :)

After he consumed about 1 1/2 bags of these time bombs he decided to go to his girlfriend's house...I think we know where this goes. I get a text from him this morning complaining about having to shite literally all night long and all day at work. I then refer him to this page and proceed to laugh. I don't think he learned anything valuable from this but I couldn't not try it.

10/10 well done Harbio







Back to top
Share:
Mr.Perfect
Louisiana
Member since Mar 2013
4732 posts

re: Beware of the 5 lb Bag of Haribo Gummy Bears


Da fukc?





Back to top
  Replies (0)
When in Rome
USA Fan
Telegraph Road
Member since Jan 2011
25915 posts

re: Beware of the 5 lb Bag of Haribo Gummy Bears


Beware of those gummy bears...results can be haribo!





Back to top
  Replies (0)
Carson123987
LSU Fan
Middle Court at the Rec
Member since Jul 2011
36941 posts

re: Beware of the 5 lb Bag of Haribo Gummy Bears








Back to top
  Replies (0)
unbeWEAVEable
LSU Fan
The Golf Board Godfather
Member since Apr 2010
11563 posts

re: Beware of the 5 lb Bag of Haribo Gummy Bears


I don't think I've laughed so hard in my life...

Very well written.






Back to top
  Replies (0)
GeorgeTheGreek
Michigan State Fan
Sparta, Greece
Member since Mar 2008
36225 posts

re: Beware of the 5 lb Bag of Haribo Gummy Bears


I love Haribo gummy bears. Its my post workout carb source.





Back to top
KingRanch
LSU Fan
The Ranch
Member since Mar 2012
53457 posts
 Online 

re: Beware of the 5 lb Bag of Haribo Gummy Bears


weird





Back to top
  Replies (0)
jmcs68
LSU Fan
Heaven on Earth
Member since Sep 2012
29325 posts

re: Beware of the 5 lb Bag of Haribo Gummy Bears


I wish I could get a 5# bag of just the light yellow ones.





Back to top
lsuwontonwrap
LSU Fan
Member since Aug 2012
12765 posts
 Online 

re: Beware of the 5 lb Bag of Haribo Gummy Bears


fatties gonna fat





Back to top
  Replies (0)
harry coleman beast
LSU Fan
Left Field
Member since Aug 2008
41080 posts
 Online 

re: Beware of the 5 lb Bag of Haribo Gummy Bears


quote:

As I type this review, I'm on the toilet, surrounded by my dearest family and friends and a priest. I'm not exactly sure whether this is an exorcism or if I'm getting my last rites read to me. This very well could be my final crowning moment. I may never make it back to my feet. What a way to go. Will I go out by suffocating in a toxic byproduct stench? Will I croak from my body expelling all essential nutrients for life? Is this the apacolypse? What is occurring in my body right now may only be explained with the final 20 minutes of the movie Independence Day. The sweet gummy bears that I thought I had chewed and swallowed have now resurrected inside my bowels with a vengeance. The only thing that I can imagine they are doing is s***ting inside my digestive tract. Decomposed zombie gummy bear s***. This can't be all my s***. There's no way. That's not my s***. That's s*** from a supernatural entity living inside me. Literally nothing I've eaten in a dozen years could possibly turn my arse into a to-scale model of Mt. St. Helens, violently spewing what smells like a public bus filled with homeless people with fresh perms, in Mexico City at such a cyclic rate, that I'm worried the war veteran below me thinks he's storming Normandy again.


frickin hilarious






Back to top
  Replies (0)
DallasTiger11
UCLA Fan
Los Angeles
Member since Mar 2004
2112 posts
 Online 

re: Beware of the 5 lb Bag of Haribo Gummy Bears


quote:

Oh man...words cannot express what happened to me after eating these. The Gummi Bear "Cleanse". If you are someone that can tolerate the sugar substitute, enjoy. If you are like the dozens of people that tried my order, RUN!

First of all, for taste I would rate these a 5. So good. Soft, true-to-taste fruit flavors like the sugar variety...I was a happy camper.

BUT (or should I say BUTT), not long after eating about 20 of these all hell broke loose. I had a gastrointestinal experience like nothing I've ever imagined. Cramps, sweating, bloating beyond my worst nightmare. I've had food poisoning from some bad shellfish and that was almost like a skip in the park compared to what was going on inside me.

Then came the, uh, flatulence. Heavens to Murgatroyd, the sounds, like trumpets calling the demons back to Hell...the stench, like 1,000 rotten corpses vomited. I couldn't stand to stay in one room for fear of succumbing to my own odors.

But wait; there's more. What came out of me felt like someone tried to funnel Niagara Falls through a coffee straw. I swear my sphincters were screaming. It felt like my delicate starfish was a gaping maw projectile vomiting a torrential flood of toxic waste. 100% liquid. Flammable liquid. NAPALM. It was actually a bit humorous (for a nanosecond)as it was just beyond anything I could imagine possible.

AND IT WENT ON FOR HOURS.

I felt violated when it was over, which I think might have been sometime in the early morning of the next day. There was stuff coming out of me that I ate at my wedding in 2005.



Best review I have ever read in my entire life.






Back to top
AUtigR24
Auburn Fan
Happy Hour
Member since Apr 2011
10580 posts

re: Beware of the 5 lb Bag of Haribo Gummy Bears


quote:

Heavens to Murgatroyd, the sounds, like trumpets calling the demons back to Hell.








Back to top
  Replies (0)
cfish140
LSU Fan
BR
Member since Aug 2007
2399 posts

re: Beware of the 5 lb Bag of Haribo Gummy Bears


I'm for sure making vodka gummy bears out of these for the tailgate this weekend





Back to top
  Replies (0)
Pear
LSU Fan
Member since Jul 2013
1116 posts

re: Beware of the 5 lb Bag of Haribo Gummy Bears


That is hardest I've laughed in a long time





Back to top
  Replies (0)
Pectus
New Orleans Saints Fan
Internet
Member since Apr 2010
45214 posts

re: Beware of the 5 lb Bag of Haribo Gummy Bears


I can eat a five lb bag of great value gummy bears no problem.





Back to top
epbart
LSU Fan
new york city
Member since Mar 2005
1703 posts

re: Beware of the 5 lb Bag of Haribo Gummy Bears


I was a little surprised gummy bears would mess up digestion that bad... until I clicked the link and saw that they're the "sugarless" type.

Most sugar substitutes in these type products are really sugar alcohols and I know many-- if not all-- sugar alcohols do mess up the digestive system, causing bloat, etc., at least in most people.






Back to top
  Replies (0)
Traveler
LSU Fan
I'm not late-I'm early for tomorrow
Member since Sep 2003
15857 posts

re: Beware of the 5 lb Bag of Haribo Gummy Bears


Ah, and with Halloween coming up. Step this way and grab a handful all of you overage trick or treaters.





Back to top
sportsaddit68
LSU Fan
Hammond
Member since Sep 2008
1347 posts
 Online 

re: Beware of the 5 lb Bag of Haribo Gummy Bears


I laughed so hard, I think I shitted the tighty whities





Back to top
  Replies (0)
MiloDanglers
Stetson Fan
BR
Member since Apr 2012
1582 posts

re: Beware of the 5 lb Bag of Haribo Gummy Bears


I've had this experience happen to me 8 years ago, but assumed it was just a stomach bug -- UNTIL NOW





Back to top
  Replies (0)
SomeTigerFan
New Orleans Saints Fan
Over there
Member since Oct 2012
3219 posts

re: Beware of the 5 lb Bag of Haribo Gummy Bears


These reviews are fricking hilarious
The writers are geniuses



This post was edited on 10/9 at 8:22 pm


Back to top


Back to top