My Gravity Review - Spoilers in the bottom half

Okay so I saw Gravity this afternoon. Got home and let the movie rattle around in my mind for a bit. I'll keep the spoilers until the second half of my post.

So the quick TLDR score would be a 7. Granted I saw it in 3D, but not in IMAX.

Now, moving on.

Obviously the main attraction here is the visuals. In some aspects, yes the visuals meet the hype and in some, they don't. Earth looks absolutely beautiful from afar. Every time they showed our planet from the vastness of space, I was very impressed. However, the actual space pieces were a very mixed bag. There was one shot (it was in one of the commercials) that was pretty good, but the rest were rather meh. Overall, I'd give the visuals a 9.0. Not the best in history and definitely not the best for a space movie, but pretty great nonetheless.

As for the acting, Bullock was well... not good. Not horrible, just very meh. Clooney on the other hand fit his role very well. It wasn't the "meatiest" role, but he wasn't the focal point of the movie. His smugness didn't show itself so that helped ALOT.

Plot. The plot was basic. If you have a lick of common sense, you know the ending by 20 minutes in if not before you even enter the auditorium. I'll have more to say about the plot in the spoilers, but 90 minutes was far too short for this bad boy.

Dialogue. Jesus dude. This dialogue was on par with Under the Dome. If I didn't already know that Cuaron wrote the entire thing, I could have sworn they brought in the writers from that show in. It was pretty damn bad.

Music. I wasn't that impressed with the theme for the movie. It was solid, just nothing that I will remember 10 years from now. The music was way too overwhelming. Music is suppose to enhance what you see on screen and help draw you into what you are seeing. Too many times the music outweighed what was going on on screen. It was also used as a crutch way too much to cover up Bullock's moaning and groaning and the horrible dialogue. It went over the top in the last 10 minutes.

Misc. There was a lot of random little humor in the movie, at least for me. Only half of it was intentional. Quite honestly, the random moments of humor (intentional or not) were the second best aspect of this movie behind the visuals. If it wasn't for the humor, this movie would have been a 6 at best.


Okay now here come the SPOILERS...

















90 damn minutes? Are you kidding me? Helluva way to insure I don't give two shits about any character. There was precisely dick backstory on these characters before the shite hit the fan. Imagine if they cut out the first oh say hour of Avatar or Star Wars out. They made no effort to have me give a shite about any character. Clooney's character was somewhat interesting due to the humor his little bit of dialogue brought, but damn he was out of the movie before I could even really care - more on that later.

Clooney's character - Matt? Maybe? Hell I don't remember his name that's how little he meant, but I'll call him Matt for thread purposes - Matt kept talking to Ryan (Bullock's character - who the frick names a woman Ryan?) while they were doing their space jaunt over to the ISS. Is it just me or did it seem highly unrealistic and just plain lazy that two people on a space mission together know precisely dick about each other? I mean hell people on blind date's know each other better than these two. It's almost like they just showed up at Mission Control one day and were launched into space 10 minutes before the movie started. Come on now.

I could go on and on about the plot being bad, but the long and short of it is that it was not even remotely believable. Cauron took absolutely no time to make me care about the characters. None. When Matt unhooked himself from the tither, I literally DGAF. Speaking of that, why the hell did he want Ryan to let him go? Dude you can tell she doesn't want to and you already know she has issues letting go, so why the hell would you put that in her hands when all you have to do is unhook yourself. Better fricking yet, rather than waste a minute trying to get her to kill you for you to ultimately say ehhh frick it I'll do it myself, why don't you try climbing back towards her you simpleton.

Oh and that whole part with Bullock trying to off herself alone barking at the russian with the dog and then the dream sequence with Matt returning. frick that shite. The barking was so laughably bad. Like one of the worst scenes in a movie this year bad. The Matt returning scene was intriguing and hell the most engaging part of the movie was when I thought he was going to tell the funny story of how he got his arse back to the shuttle. But nooooooooo, just take that shite away from me. Yeah it would have been unrealistic, but frick you've already established realism has no place in your movie so why not go ahead and jump that shark Fonzie.

Also, apparently the entire area around the Planet Earth is roughly the size of the map of GTA V because Bullock was all over the gotdamn place within roughly 4 hours. You shitting me? This doesn't even begin to cover all of the other little consistency errors and bad writing, but oh well.

All things considered, I'll still give a 7. Oscar winner? GTFO.