How to cope with the loss of a loved one - 6 years later | TigerDroppings.com
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SUB
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Member since Jan 2009
4488 posts

How to cope with the loss of a loved one - 6 years later

I lost my brother almost 6 years ago (he was in his mid 20's). Those first two years after he passed were hell. Things have been better and a little easier to deal with since, but I still think about him often. The hardest thing for me is looking at pictures / videos from back when he was alive. I've longed to see some old home movies of when I was a kid but I know I will just lose it when I see him. It's not that I don't want to see him, but just seeing images of him brings forth such painful emotions. It sucks because we have so many happy memories, but it is so hard for me to relive those memories through pictures / video.

For those that have unexpectedly lost loved ones, do you have similar issues? Should I see a counselor?


BOSCEAUX
LSU Fan
Where the Down Boys go.
Member since Mar 2008
35039 posts

re: How to cope with the loss of a loved one - 6 years later
Everybody grieves differently.

My father passed away 3 years ago and I've been to his grave 4 times total. It's probably a little bit of denial but it's just the way I am.


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RonBurgundy
LSU Fan
Whale's Vagina(San Diego)
Member since Oct 2005
9912 posts

re: How to cope with the loss of a loved one - 6 years later
yes. I knew a kid who died about 10 years ago, the dad could never get over it. Six years later he took his own life. The dad and I were friends, even more so after his son died. He had another son,too. I'm still mad at him for that.


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toosleaux
Southern Fan
Wired To The T
Member since Dec 2007
4003 posts

re: How to cope with the loss of a loved one - 6 years later
I have a followup to this question, but have you dreamed of him since?


fr33manator
LSU Fan
Baton Rouge
Member since Oct 2010
52351 posts

re: How to cope with the loss of a loved one - 6 years later
First of all. Man, I feel your pain on a deeply personal level.

I recently lost my 21 year old brother to a tragic accident. It ripped a part of me out, a hole that will never be filled.

Grass might grow over it, but nothing can replace that missing piece of you.

Those tears? Let them come. That's shedding water for the dead. That's a tribute to how much they meant to you. Never be ashamed of those feelings.
And it's not something you'll ever truly "get over".
And you shouldn't.

A counselor may help, if you feel you need it.
But what are you really after?


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SabiDojo
South Alabama Fan
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Member since Nov 2010
47702 posts
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re: How to cope with the loss of a loved one - 6 years later
Maybe seeing a counselor wouldn't hurt. How did he die?


WhoDats10
LSU Fan
Member since Dec 2012
1580 posts

re: How to cope with the loss of a loved one - 6 years later
same with me and grandparents. do something he always wanted to do


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CtotheVrzrbck
Arkansas Fan
Tulsey Town
Member since Dec 2007
25333 posts

re: How to cope with the loss of a loved one - 6 years later
Yea counseling is helpful, whiskey bottles are just short term and not much of a solution at all.

I lost my sister in 1995 and my mom the next year to breast cancer. I still have trouble coping. Needless to say this weekend will be a rough one. Don't lock your emotions out, embrace them and understand that what you feel is natural and nothing to be ashamed of. When something breaks me down for a moment I usually end up feeling better and smiling.

My sister was going through some old photos a couple weeks ago and showing pics to my niece, that was tough b/c she doesn't have either of her grandmothers and mine's been so instrumental in my life.

I encourage you to watch those movies, it could help more than you think.


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lsu480
LSU Fan
Downtown Scottsdale
Member since Oct 2007
78955 posts
Online

re: How to cope with the loss of a loved one - 6 years later
quote:

I lost my brother almost 6 years ago (he was in his mid 20's). Those first two years after he passed were hell. Things have been better and a little easier to deal with since, but I still think about him often. The hardest thing for me is looking at pictures / videos from back when he was alive. I've longed to see some old home movies of when I was a kid but I know I will just lose it when I see him. It's not that I don't want to see him, but just seeing images of him brings forth such painful emotions. It sucks because we have so many happy memories, but it is so hard for me to relive those memories through pictures / video.

For those that have unexpectedly lost loved ones, do you have similar issues? Should I see a counselor?



Yes, we all have. I lost my dad at 20 and my wife doesn't understand why I don't have pics up but I hate being reminded he is gone. Things DO get easier, as you have learned, but you never totally get over it. Life is LONG and you will lose a lot of people you love. Its just a shitty part of life. Try to just stay busy is the best advice I guess I have.


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rantfan
LSU Fan
new iberia la
Member since Nov 2012
4198 posts

re: How to cope with the loss of a loved one - 6 years later
Well my first born child died a liitle over 11 years ago. The pain and emptiness has'nt gone away much. Everytime there is a song about a child or maybe a story about a child dying i shed a few tears and just move on with life. Nothing can ever bring my son back so its just something i have to live with.


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SUB
LSU Fan
Member since Jan 2009
4488 posts

re: How to cope with the loss of a loved one - 6 years later
quote:

I have a followup to this question, but have you dreamed of him since?


Yes. It happened more often several years ago. Now it is very less frequent. I tried writing down all these dreams in a journal so I could remember.


fr33manator
LSU Fan
Baton Rouge
Member since Oct 2010
52351 posts

re: How to cope with the loss of a loved one - 6 years later
I wrote a lot since my brother died.

I mean, I've always written when I've felt something. That's my outlet.

I wrote this a day or so after.

I've got nine pounds of hurt in an eight pound pail,
Sticking in my heart like a rusted nail,
Leaving a hole that can never heal,
Carved out my soul like a torch cuts steel,
A part of me lowered down into the dirt,
The grass will grow over, but won't dull the hurt,
Taken too quickly, gone far too soon,
And a ghost train whistle plays a mournful tune,
Gone from this earth, but his mem'ry remains,
Stories of you told again and again,
A hell of a guy, a man like no other,
I'm going through hell, so here's to you brother.


Do you have some sort of outlet? A passion you could channel these feelings into? It might help.


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SUB
LSU Fan
Member since Jan 2009
4488 posts

re: How to cope with the loss of a loved one - 6 years later
quote:

How did he die?


He died in a boating accident. Was wakeboarding and fell and never came up. He was wearing some crappy lifevest that didn't keep him afloat. I guess I'm pretty bitter about it all still.



biglego
LSU Fan
your mom knows
Member since Nov 2007
25172 posts

re: How to cope with the loss of a loved one - 6 years later
I tried medication but didn't like it. Dabbled in martial arts as exercise and anger release which did help. Talked to someone. I absolutely avoid watching home movies, the one time I did I got depressed again.


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SabiDojo
South Alabama Fan
Open to any suggestions.
Member since Nov 2010
47702 posts
Online

re: How to cope with the loss of a loved one - 6 years later
That is awful. The only reason I asked is because it does matter. Like you said, you might be bitter about it still. I would be too. Maybe you should talk to a professional grief counselor. A good one won't pretend to know your pain, but rather be a great listener and offer some insight.


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LooseCannon22282
South Alabama Fan
Mobile, Al.
Member since May 2008
16735 posts
Online

re: How to cope with the loss of a loved one - 6 years later
my best friend died of a overdose about 10 years ago. I never understood how things got so bad for him. He was from a nice family and had a good job at the time of his death.

I guess the hardest thing about dealing with his death was the lack of sadness I had afterwards. I mean he was abusing hard narcotics and had become a real drag to hang around. I was pissed off but I think that was all the sadness turned inward. I've haven't been able to express sadness since I was a kid. That is one thing I would change I about myself if I could.

ultimately, it has been one of the most important experiences of my life. It helped me take a look at myself and the similar choices I was making at the time. Not many days go by where I don't have some kind of spiritual bout concerning him. They are both good and bad but I see it as an opportunity to grow more spiritually. By the way, I don't attend church so don't take this the wrong way.

hopefully you find some peace.


jimbeam
USA Fan
University of LSU
Member since Oct 2011
35807 posts

re: How to cope with the loss of a loved one - 6 years later
I have never lost someone close. The day will come and I will be devastated


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DeafJam73
LSU Fan
Baton Rouge
Member since Sep 2010
7209 posts

re: How to cope with the loss of a loved one - 6 years later
It won't be easy. You know that by now. The best thing to do is concentrate on those good times. Try talking to someone who was familiar with him. Don't try to take all that pain alone if you don't have to. Eventually the pain will pass, and you'll once again be able to laugh at the good times. I'm sorry you lost your brother and stay strong.


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Vegas Bengal
Member since Feb 2008
26344 posts

re: How to cope with the loss of a loved one - 6 years later
The fact that you're asking if you should see a counselor tells me you should see a counselor.

A problem with losing someone close is the repetitive thoughts and inability to adequately digest them (for lack of a better word). You also may have problems discussing your feelings with your family and friends or they may feel uncomfortable discussing it with you for whatever reason. A counselor has no skin in the game except to help you. No shame in seeing one.

Good luck.


Impotent Waffle
LSU Fan
Baton Rouge
Member since Sep 2007
5399 posts
Online

re: How to cope with the loss of a loved one - 6 years later
Sorry for your loss and wish I had the answers. My best friend, was murdered 2 yrs ago and I think of him several times ever day. Don't know how to stop but I just miss the guy!


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