Tennessee being shot down, but don't sweat it, Vol fans

Well, here we are again. 3 years after Tennessee was turned down by everyone from Urban Meyer to Lovie Smith to Big Bird and ended up with Drooley.

Well, this go around they've been turned down by

Jon Gruden - lol like he was actually coming
Bobby Petrino - said he is holding out for bigger jobs like Colorado or Cal
Charlie Strong - Interracial couples are never a good thing in Tennessee
Al Golden - Miami is in a better situation even with the NCAA looming
Gary Patterson - Arkansas' next coach
Dan Mullen - No bell tower near the stadium
Paul Johnson - No QB to run triple option
Mike Gundy - Likes the shade of orange he wears now(can you blame him, have you SEEN the Tennessee orange?!)
Tommy Tubberville - Thought about it, but Auburn called wanting to have makeup sex
Butch Jones - There's already enough of those in Tennessee.

Now, I know alot has turned them down, but can you blame them? Crappy stadium, fat, nasty fans. Team of a bunch of meth addicts. But of course the ultimate negative, living in the same state as Clay Travis.. I can't even imagine..

Now, don't fret Tennessee. I have the REAL candidates who'll look at this job hard.

Brent Venables, Clemson DC(13 years, it's been a long time coming. He's ready)
Steve Addazio, Temple HC(Highly scrutinized at UF, but he is a now proven commodity at HC)
Kirk Ferentz, HC Iowa(Yea, his stock is down, but coaches with 112-96 records don't coming around often)
George O'Leary, HC UCF(He's 66, so what? W.I.N.N.E.R.)
Terry Bowden, HC Akron(Previously undefeated in the SEC, can't ask for much more)
Ron English, HC Eastern Michigan(Former hot name, he's taken Eastern Michigan where they've never been before at 2-10. Unreal job he has done)
Willy Robinson, unemployed(He should have gotten the Fresno St job, but they hired some loser who went 9-3 in his 1st year. Their loss)

Don't sweat, good times ahead.