What Really Happened

Version number one: The four LSU players involved, Jefferson, Landry, Johns and Davenport are in a Satanic cult and were out at Shady's looking for someone to kill. A guy in a car on his way to Sunday school had turned into Shady's parking lot to give first aid to a baby squirrel he saw fall from tree. When he saw the LSU players he honked his horn and yelled "go tigers" at which point he was dragged by his hair from the car and beaten within an inch of his life.

A marine at the bar had just returned from Afghanistan where he had won a silver medal for rescuing an Afghan woman from an attack by Taliban fighters at a disco in Kandahar. He fought the four LSU players hand to hand for several hours protecting both the man and the terrorized baby squirrel from further assault. Davenport eventually held him down while Jefferson kicked him in the head and vertebrae. Once he was out of commission the squirrel was attacked by the players and knocked unconscious.


Version number 2: Four LSU players and others were celebrating the end of camp by going out after curfew for some soda pops, a standing tradition among players that the coaches pretend not to know about. While at Shady's a crazed marine with a criminal record was assaulting his girlfriend. The players asked him to stop and not wanting to fight real football players he found the freshman Tiger punter to sucker punch.

The marine was thrown out of the bar where he met with friends and plotted an ambush. One of his friends honked his horn and was going to run over a baby squirrel and the tiger players stopped him as he yelled "go ducks". A fight ensued where all of the LSU players acted as peacemakers defending themselves from the ambushers. The drunk marine came running into the fight, tripped, fell on Jordan Jefferson's foot, skinned up his face and broke some vertebrae. Davenport cradled the bay squirrel in his hands and returned it to the tree.