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Started By
Message
Some nice AR vs. LSU jokes
Posted on 6/14/09 at 8:25 am
Posted on 6/14/09 at 8:25 am
LINK
Q. What did the Arkansas graduate say to the LSU graduate?
A. "Welcome to McDonald's. May I take your order, please?"
Q: How many University of Arkansas freshman does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, it's a sophomore course.
Q: Do you know why the University of Arkansas football team should change its name to the "Opossums"?
A: Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.
One foggy night, an LSU fan and an Arkansas fan were driving the opposite directions on a road near Baton Rouge. While crossing a narrow bridge, they hit each other head-on, mangling both cars.
The Arkansas fan manages to climb out of his car and survey the damage. He looks at his twisted car and says, "Man, I'm lucky to be alive!"
Likewise, the Tiger fan gets out of his car uninjured, he too feeling fortunate to have survived.
The Arkansas fan walks over to the Tiger fan and says, "Hey, man, I think this is a sign that we should put away our petty differences and live as friends instead of being rivals."
The Tiger fan thinks for a moment and says, "You know, you're absolutely right! We should be friends. In fact, I'm going to see if something else survived the wreck."
The Tiger fan then pops open his trunk and removes a full, undamaged bottle of Jack Daniel's. He says to the Razorback fan, "I think this is another sign - we should toast to our newfound friendship." The Razorback fan agrees and grabs the bottle. After sucking down half of the bottle, the Razorback fan hands it back to the Tiger fan and says, "Your turn!"
The Tiger fan calmly twists the cap back on the bottle, throws the rest of the bottle over the bridge into the river and says, "Nah, I think I'll just wait for the cops to show up."
A guy in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, "Wanna hear a good Arkansas joke?"
The guy next to him replies, "Well before you tell that joke, you should know something. I'm 6' tall, 200 lbs., and I am an Arkansas grad. The guy sitting next to me is 6' 2" tall, weighs 225, and he's an Arkansas grad. And the fella next to him is 6' 5" tall, weighs 250, and he's an Arkansas grad. Now, you still wanna tell that joke?"
The first guy says, "No, not if I'm gonna have to explain it three times."
One day in an elementary school in Fayetteville, AR, a teacher asks her class if the Arkansas Razorbacks are their favorite football team. The whole class says yes, except for Little Jimmy.
The teacher asks, "What's your favorite football team Jimmy?"
Little Jimmy says, "The LSU Tigers "
The teacher asks, "Well, why is that?"
Little Jimmy says, "Well, my dad is a Tiger fan, my mom is a Tiger fan, I guess that makes me a Tiger fan."
The teacher angered by his reply says, "If your dad was a moron and your mom was an idiot what would that make you?"
Little Jimmy says, "Well, I guess that would make me an Arkansas fan."
Q: What do you call a good looking girl on the University of Arkansas campus?
A: A visitor.
Q: Did you hear the story about the semi-truck carrying pigs that flipped over on the University of Arkansas campus?
A: The officials had to check ID's before letting any of the Razorbacks cheerleaders back on board.
Did you hear about the Razorback fan who was so upset that the Tigers beat Arkansas that he tried to commit suicide by jumping out of his basement window?
Q: What's the difference between an Arkansas fan and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.
Q: How do you get an University of Arkansas grad off of your front porch?
A: Pay him for the pizza.
Q: How many Arkansas fans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One, but he gets 3 credits.
An Arkansas Razorbacks fan walks into a doctor's office and removes his hat to reveal a frog sitting on his head. The doctor asks, "How can I help you?" The frog replies, "I was wondering if you could help me get this wart off my butt."
Q: Did you hear about the power outage at the University of Arkansas library?
A: Forty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.
Q: Why do University of Arkansas fans keep their diplomas on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.
Q: What do you get when you cross an University of Arkansas fan and a pig?
A: Nothing. There's some things that a pig will not do.
Q: Where was O.J. hiding right before the famous white Bronco chase?
A: On the University of Arkansas campus. That's the last place you would find a football player.
Q: What's the only sign of intelligent life in Fayetteville?
A: Baton Rouge: 187 Miles
Two University of Arkansas fans were walking down the street when they came upon a dog lying on the sidewalk licking and cleaning his groin like dogs do.
The first Arkansas fan says to the second, "Boy, I wish I could do that."
The second Arkansas fan replies, "Yeah, me too. But I wouldn't try it."
The first Arkansas fan asks, "Why not?"
The second Arkansas fan replies, "Because I'm afraid the dog might bite me."
Q: What should you do if you find three University of Arkansas fans buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.
Q: How do you make University of Arkansas cookies?
A: Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours.
It was reported that Arkansas head football coach Houston Nutt will only be dressing twenty players for the LSU game. The rest of the players will have to get dressed by themselves.
Q: Why do they throw out a sack of manure at University of Arkansas weddings?
A: To keep the flies off the bride.
Fayetteville News Report: Football practice in Fayetteville was delayed on Monday for nearly two hours. One of the offensive players, while on his way to the locker room, happened to look down and notice a suspicious looking, unknown, white powdery substance on the practice field. The head coach, Houston Nutt, immediately suspended practice while the FBI was called in to investigate. After a complete field analysis, the FBI determined that the white substance unknown to the players was the goal line. Practice was resumed when the FBI decided that the team would not be likely to encounter the substance again.
Q: Did you hear about the fire in University of Arkansas' football dorm that destroyed 20 books?
A: The real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet.
Q: What do you get when you breed a groundhog and the Arkansas Razorbacks?
A: Six more weeks of bad football.
Q: Did you hear about the University of Arkansas fan who locked his keys in his car?
A: He couldn't get his family out.
Q: Why don't Arkansas Razorbacks fans let their kids play in sand boxes?
A: Because cats keep covering them up.
It's 08:25a and Arkansas STILL sucks!
Q. What did the Arkansas graduate say to the LSU graduate?
A. "Welcome to McDonald's. May I take your order, please?"
Q: How many University of Arkansas freshman does it take to change a light bulb?
A: None, it's a sophomore course.
Q: Do you know why the University of Arkansas football team should change its name to the "Opossums"?
A: Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.
One foggy night, an LSU fan and an Arkansas fan were driving the opposite directions on a road near Baton Rouge. While crossing a narrow bridge, they hit each other head-on, mangling both cars.
The Arkansas fan manages to climb out of his car and survey the damage. He looks at his twisted car and says, "Man, I'm lucky to be alive!"
Likewise, the Tiger fan gets out of his car uninjured, he too feeling fortunate to have survived.
The Arkansas fan walks over to the Tiger fan and says, "Hey, man, I think this is a sign that we should put away our petty differences and live as friends instead of being rivals."
The Tiger fan thinks for a moment and says, "You know, you're absolutely right! We should be friends. In fact, I'm going to see if something else survived the wreck."
The Tiger fan then pops open his trunk and removes a full, undamaged bottle of Jack Daniel's. He says to the Razorback fan, "I think this is another sign - we should toast to our newfound friendship." The Razorback fan agrees and grabs the bottle. After sucking down half of the bottle, the Razorback fan hands it back to the Tiger fan and says, "Your turn!"
The Tiger fan calmly twists the cap back on the bottle, throws the rest of the bottle over the bridge into the river and says, "Nah, I think I'll just wait for the cops to show up."
A guy in a bar leans over to the guy next to him and says, "Wanna hear a good Arkansas joke?"
The guy next to him replies, "Well before you tell that joke, you should know something. I'm 6' tall, 200 lbs., and I am an Arkansas grad. The guy sitting next to me is 6' 2" tall, weighs 225, and he's an Arkansas grad. And the fella next to him is 6' 5" tall, weighs 250, and he's an Arkansas grad. Now, you still wanna tell that joke?"
The first guy says, "No, not if I'm gonna have to explain it three times."
One day in an elementary school in Fayetteville, AR, a teacher asks her class if the Arkansas Razorbacks are their favorite football team. The whole class says yes, except for Little Jimmy.
The teacher asks, "What's your favorite football team Jimmy?"
Little Jimmy says, "The LSU Tigers "
The teacher asks, "Well, why is that?"
Little Jimmy says, "Well, my dad is a Tiger fan, my mom is a Tiger fan, I guess that makes me a Tiger fan."
The teacher angered by his reply says, "If your dad was a moron and your mom was an idiot what would that make you?"
Little Jimmy says, "Well, I guess that would make me an Arkansas fan."
Q: What do you call a good looking girl on the University of Arkansas campus?
A: A visitor.
Q: Did you hear the story about the semi-truck carrying pigs that flipped over on the University of Arkansas campus?
A: The officials had to check ID's before letting any of the Razorbacks cheerleaders back on board.
Did you hear about the Razorback fan who was so upset that the Tigers beat Arkansas that he tried to commit suicide by jumping out of his basement window?
Q: What's the difference between an Arkansas fan and a carp?
A: One is a bottom-feeding, scum sucker, and the other is a fish.
Q: How do you get an University of Arkansas grad off of your front porch?
A: Pay him for the pizza.
Q: How many Arkansas fans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One, but he gets 3 credits.
An Arkansas Razorbacks fan walks into a doctor's office and removes his hat to reveal a frog sitting on his head. The doctor asks, "How can I help you?" The frog replies, "I was wondering if you could help me get this wart off my butt."
Q: Did you hear about the power outage at the University of Arkansas library?
A: Forty students were stuck on the escalator for three hours.
Q: Why do University of Arkansas fans keep their diplomas on their dashboards?
A: So they can park in handicap spaces.
Q: What do you get when you cross an University of Arkansas fan and a pig?
A: Nothing. There's some things that a pig will not do.
Q: Where was O.J. hiding right before the famous white Bronco chase?
A: On the University of Arkansas campus. That's the last place you would find a football player.
Q: What's the only sign of intelligent life in Fayetteville?
A: Baton Rouge: 187 Miles
Two University of Arkansas fans were walking down the street when they came upon a dog lying on the sidewalk licking and cleaning his groin like dogs do.
The first Arkansas fan says to the second, "Boy, I wish I could do that."
The second Arkansas fan replies, "Yeah, me too. But I wouldn't try it."
The first Arkansas fan asks, "Why not?"
The second Arkansas fan replies, "Because I'm afraid the dog might bite me."
Q: What should you do if you find three University of Arkansas fans buried up to their neck in cement?
A: Get more cement.
Q: How do you make University of Arkansas cookies?
A: Put them in a big Bowl and beat for 3 hours.
It was reported that Arkansas head football coach Houston Nutt will only be dressing twenty players for the LSU game. The rest of the players will have to get dressed by themselves.
Q: Why do they throw out a sack of manure at University of Arkansas weddings?
A: To keep the flies off the bride.
Fayetteville News Report: Football practice in Fayetteville was delayed on Monday for nearly two hours. One of the offensive players, while on his way to the locker room, happened to look down and notice a suspicious looking, unknown, white powdery substance on the practice field. The head coach, Houston Nutt, immediately suspended practice while the FBI was called in to investigate. After a complete field analysis, the FBI determined that the white substance unknown to the players was the goal line. Practice was resumed when the FBI decided that the team would not be likely to encounter the substance again.
Q: Did you hear about the fire in University of Arkansas' football dorm that destroyed 20 books?
A: The real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet.
Q: What do you get when you breed a groundhog and the Arkansas Razorbacks?
A: Six more weeks of bad football.
Q: Did you hear about the University of Arkansas fan who locked his keys in his car?
A: He couldn't get his family out.
Q: Why don't Arkansas Razorbacks fans let their kids play in sand boxes?
A: Because cats keep covering them up.
It's 08:25a and Arkansas STILL sucks!
9
Posted on 6/14/09 at 8:32 am to bengalbreaux
quote:
Q: Do you know why the University of Arkansas football team should change its name to the "Opossums"? A: Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.
Posted on 6/14/09 at 8:40 am to TigerStripes06
Good stuff, thanks 
Posted on 6/14/09 at 8:44 am to bengalbreaux
Posted on 6/14/09 at 8:52 am to bengalbreaux
Good stuffPosted on 6/14/09 at 9:10 am to thelawisafterme
Geez, those jokes have been around since dirt was discoverd.
Posted on 6/14/09 at 10:07 am to Peachtree Tiger
Still good to drag them out, though. Probably should update the coaches name, though. Good stuf.
Posted on 6/14/09 at 10:10 am to TigerStripes06
quote:
Q: Do you know why the University of Arkansas football team should change its name to the "Opossums"? A: Because they play dead at home and get killed on the road.
Eh...
Posted on 6/14/09 at 10:58 am to Venicetiger
How do you get a girl from Arkansas pregnant? Cum on her leg and let the flies do the rest.
An LSU fan was travelling through Arkansas when he stopped at a watering hole for a beer. He got very bad looks from the locals. They asked,"where you from boy?" he replied, "Louisiana." They asked,"what do you do down there?" He said, "I'm a taxidermist." Confused they asked,"Taxidermist, what's that?" He replies, "Taxidermist, you know I mount animals." Locals,"It's ok boys, he's one of us"!! GEAUX TIGERS!! Through Thick and Thin
An LSU fan was travelling through Arkansas when he stopped at a watering hole for a beer. He got very bad looks from the locals. They asked,"where you from boy?" he replied, "Louisiana." They asked,"what do you do down there?" He said, "I'm a taxidermist." Confused they asked,"Taxidermist, what's that?" He replies, "Taxidermist, you know I mount animals." Locals,"It's ok boys, he's one of us"!! GEAUX TIGERS!! Through Thick and Thin
Posted on 6/14/09 at 1:02 pm to thickandthin
Typical LSU fans.
Posted on 6/14/09 at 1:09 pm to HogFanWPS
I heard those jokes several years ago but they dealt with Alabama and Auburn. Texas had the same jokes about Arkansas too. One was left out, it was this one: How do you circumsise a guy from Arkansas? Kick his sister in the jaw.
Posted on 6/14/09 at 1:17 pm to avondale88
An Ark man and a LA man are taking a leak beside eack other in TS during a game. Finishing and leaving the head at the same time, the Ark man stops to wash his hands and smirks to the other walking out the door, "at the University of Ark they teach us to wash our hands after we use the urinal, it's proper hygiene."
Tiger fan,"Yeah, well at LSU they teach us not to piss on our hands."
Tiger fan,"Yeah, well at LSU they teach us not to piss on our hands."
Posted on 6/14/09 at 1:18 pm to HogFanWPS
typical lsu fans making jokes on their own board.
Posted on 6/14/09 at 1:21 pm to bengalbreaux
you could switch "arkansas" out with any other school name and those jokes would all be the exact same. awesome.
Posted on 6/14/09 at 1:35 pm to lsu2006
quote:and some people have the personailities of a dog's taint.
you could switch "arkansas" out with any other school name and those jokes would all be the exact same. awesome.
Posted on 6/14/09 at 1:45 pm to lsuroadie
What do a Kansas tornado, a Florida hurricane and an Arkansas divorce have in common?
Someone ends up losing a trailer.
Someone ends up losing a trailer.
Posted on 6/14/09 at 2:14 pm to Peachtree Tiger
quote:
Geez, those jokes have been around since dirt was discoverd.
Yea, and substitute any other school in the SEC for Arkansas....but always good for a little laugh..
Posted on 6/14/09 at 2:53 pm to tigeraddict
Nice, here's one back at you.
Q: What are the last 4 words an LSU cheerleader says before going to sleep?
A: Get off me daddy.
Remember, you can't spell "You're a loser" without L,S, and U.
Peace out Stripey Kitties
Q: What are the last 4 words an LSU cheerleader says before going to sleep?
A: Get off me daddy.
Remember, you can't spell "You're a loser" without L,S, and U.
Peace out Stripey Kitties
Posted on 6/14/09 at 2:56 pm to stronguard
Congrats on maybe the lamest first post ever.
Posted on 6/14/09 at 3:04 pm to thickandthin
quote:
Some nice AR vs. LSU jokes
How do you get a girl from Arkansas pregnant? Cum on her leg and let the flies do the rest.
That is all kinds of wrong!
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