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What decent men can do in response to #MeToo
Posted on 10/23/17 at 8:58 am
Posted on 10/23/17 at 8:58 am
This should be fun.
I was going to just quote some of the good ones, but they are all ridiculous.
Remember this one baws when sharing an article about social issues.
I was going to just quote some of the good ones, but they are all ridiculous.
quote:
1. Practice this phrase: "That's not cool." Say it to other men who are saying disrespectful things to or about women.
2. Read and follow feminist writers. I like Ijeoma Oluo, Lindy West and Roxane Gay. There are so many; follow a few. Even if you find a topic "exhausting" or "too angry," try to put aside that discomfort and keep reading anyway. A telltale sign of privilege is being able to ignore a system that benefits some while it harms others.
3. Signal-boost female voices. If you're sharing an article about a social issue -- especially a sexism issue -- find one written by a woman. Same goes for other groups: Boost articles about race by IBPOC writers (Indigenous, Black, and People of Colour); and articles about disability by writers with disabilities. A great rule of thumb when seeking commentary is the classic revolutionary slogan: "Nothing about us without us."
Remember this one baws when sharing an article about social issues.
quote:so I can no longer call the hot doctor sugartits?
4. Amplify women's voices at work. If a woman's contributions are being dismissed, interrupted or claimed by others, speak up. "That's what Monique said." "Hey, Zahra has a point."
5. Be mindful of how you introduce women, particularly at work functions. At medical conferences, women introduce male doctors as "Doctor" 95% of the time; but men introduce female doctors as "Doctor" only 49% of the time, which unfairly downplays the women's equal credentials.
Don't mention appearance when introducing female colleagues: "This is the lovely Janet." Instead, make a point of introducing women (and others from marginalized groups -- racialized, young-looking, and disabled, etc.) by using their full job titles and accolades: "This is Professor Maya Campbell, our department head."
quote:
6. Don't call her sweetie. With colleagues and strangers, avoid diminutive nicknames like hon, baby, darling, girl, young lady or kiddo. It's condescending to use pet-names at work. Using preferred names shows respect.
7. During sex, seek enthusiastic consent. If your partner hesitates, stops reciprocating, avoids eye contact, becomes quiet, tense or frozen, or otherwise slows the tempo of any sexual encounter, then you should STOP WHAT YOU ARE DOING.
Revise your idea of consent. The old model is, essentially, "go for it, until someone yells stop". But having a history of trauma, (like, say, a #MeToo story) can actually cause people to freeze up in response to stress. This makes it difficult for them to say "no," even when they want to stop. So keep in mind that no means no ... and frozen silence also means no.
Flip the paradigm. Instead of charging ahead until you hear "no," pay attention and proceed only when you receive a clear "yes." Yes can be verbal -- or it can be an enthusiastic action, like ripping off an item of clothing -- together.
quote:
8. Don't use gendered or misogynist insults. Words like bitch, count, or slut only target women. Sissy, fairy and cuck demean feminine traits as lesser, weak, and undesirable in men. Avoid those words. If you must insult someone, focus on their actions, not their body or their gender.
9. Free kids from rigid gender roles.For boys and young men, you can role-model that activities and traits traditionally coded as "feminine" are valuable. Challenge dismissive ideas around what counts as "girl stuff." Delight in stories with strong female characters. Give a toddler boy a baby doll and praise his gentleness. Race trucks with a little girl. Give kids the tools and confidence to challenge and defy gender stereotypes.
10. Don't focus on little girls' looks.Many people's first interaction with a young girl is to compliment her cuteness, prettiness or clothing. But this tells her -- and any boys nearby -- that beauty is her most interesting trait. Instead, ask little girls engaging, gender-neutral questions, like "What kind of toy is that? What subjects do you like in school? What's your favorite animal? Hey, what are you reading?" There are so many things to talk about.
quote:
11. Give extra space after dark. If a woman is walking alone at night or in a secluded area, please recognize that she's probably nervous. So, if you're walking behind her, slow down to increase the distance between you. Or, if you want to pass, cross the street before you speed up. It's a small courtesy that will make many women feel safer.
#MeToo is a heartbreaking illustration of how many women have already been harassed or assaulted. Women (and LGBTQ+ people) frequently experience hostile, intimidating interactions on the street. It is logical for people who are regularly harassed by strangers to be wary of any stranger who approaches in an unsafe environment. So please -- give extra space.
12. Teach your elders to do better. An "old-fashioned" sexist or racist comment might seem harmless from a beloved elder relative at a family gathering. But as people enter the health care system, they are largely cared for by women and POC, who don't deserve dehumanizing treatment. Please call out sexism, racism and homophobia -- at all ages.
quote:
13. Don't be dismissive or argumentative during conversations around types of oppression that you don't personally experience. Keep an eye open for our culture's gross habit of putting the onus on oppressed persons to dredge up their pain for our inspection -- only for us to then minimize their experience as "over-sensitivity" or "just a misinterpretation."
Asking respectful questions is acceptable -- but nobody owes us answers. So ask humbly, and when people engage, discuss their responses sincerely, and treat their time and energy as valuable, because it is.
Be aware that "asking questions" sometimes veers into "demanding answers," which are then rapidly dismissed, attacked with nitpicky complaints or deluged with bad-faith questions. This is actually a bullying tactic, used to demean, assert dominance, grind patience, and derail conversations. Keep an eye out for it, and shut it down when you see it: "I'm starting to wonder if you're asking these questions in good faith. We were talking about X, not Y, so this feels like a deliberate attempt to change the subject."
Instead of expecting others to educate you, do a little reading. A great strategy is to find, say, three articles written by people *from the demographic in question* and look for patterns in their analyses. Oppression is a widely-accepted and statistically-supported phenomenon, and a lot of insightful people with lived experience are talking about it.
quote:TL;DR, but I'm just trying to make you baws better baws.
14. Accept discomfort. Changing broken systems takes work, and it won't always feel good. Conversations about sexism, racism, transphobia, privilege, cultural appropriation and other social issues are all related (look up "intersectionality" to learn more), and these are complex issues that stir up our emotions. But discomfort is an important sign that we may have something new to learn.
So when discomfort arises around these topics, the best response is to accept the feeling -- and keep the discussion going anyway. Try not to change the subject, or make your own feelings the center of the conversation. Sincerely try to understand other groups' experiences. Apologize for mistakes. Be willing to change. And above all, keep listening. It's hard. It's worthwhile.
Posted on 10/23/17 at 9:00 am to Displaced
Don’t give men a list of chores.
Posted on 10/23/17 at 9:00 am to Displaced
Holy wall of text.
And I think sugartits is always acceptable in the right situation.
And I think sugartits is always acceptable in the right situation.
This post was edited on 10/23/17 at 9:02 am
Posted on 10/23/17 at 9:00 am to Displaced
TLDR, but what I did Read was gay!
Posted on 10/23/17 at 9:02 am to Displaced
quote:
What decent men can do in response to #MeToo
Ignore it.
Posted on 10/23/17 at 9:04 am to Displaced
These people really need to seek professional help to deal with their insanity.
Posted on 10/23/17 at 9:05 am to Displaced
TL;skimmed, but as a female I don’t honestly care about most of that stuff. Just you know, don’t be a creepy rapist, and don’t hit on women who are basically ignoring you.
Women are just as derogatory about men, they’re just better at being quiet about it.
Women are just as derogatory about men, they’re just better at being quiet about it.
Posted on 10/23/17 at 9:07 am to SlapahoeTribe
quote:
Ignore it.
I don't think we can ignore this one. The more women keep coming out with this, the more men are gonna get in trouble. We need to find a way to keep their mouths shut, or we might not be able to rape in the workplace any more.
Posted on 10/23/17 at 9:07 am to Splackavellie
quote:
And I think sugartits is always acceptable in the right situation.
That's Dr. Sugartits ya misogynist
Posted on 10/23/17 at 9:09 am to Displaced
People that seem triggered over this #metoo stuff have issues. Just don’t pay attention to it.
I would have zero clue who this Hollywood producers guy was if it wasn’t for this board going ape shite over him.
I would have zero clue who this Hollywood producers guy was if it wasn’t for this board going ape shite over him.
Posted on 10/23/17 at 9:09 am to Displaced
How can a woman tell a decent man how to be decent?
"Nothing about us without us!"
I'm so triggered!
"Nothing about us without us!"
I'm so triggered!
Posted on 10/23/17 at 9:11 am to Displaced
Taking a queue from the first line of the article, where I stopped reading:
That’s not cool to post this crap on TD, baw
That’s not cool to post this crap on TD, baw
Posted on 10/23/17 at 9:12 am to georgia
quote:
Women are just as derogatory about men
Go on...I for one am interested to know what things are said amongst females that men aren’t aware of.
Posted on 10/23/17 at 9:15 am to Displaced
OP = GAY
I am gonna bang how I wanna bang
I am gonna bang how I wanna bang
Posted on 10/23/17 at 9:18 am to Displaced
I'm gonna go on about my day. The next time I hear a dude talking about a woman's tits, I'm going to not give a frick. The next time I hear a black dude call a white dude a cracka arse racist, I'm not gonna give a frick. The next time a white dude calls a black dude a negro I'm not gonna give a frick.
But if you start raping bitches and I see it, I'm gonna step in at that point. Since it's illegal and shite.
Otherwise call me whatever you want. It's not illegal to call me a dick sniffing, piss drinking, cum guzzling cracka.
But if you start raping bitches and I see it, I'm gonna step in at that point. Since it's illegal and shite.
Otherwise call me whatever you want. It's not illegal to call me a dick sniffing, piss drinking, cum guzzling cracka.
Posted on 10/23/17 at 9:18 am to Displaced
quote:
slows the tempo of any sexual encounter, then you should STOP WHAT YOU ARE DOING.
Whoever wrote this has never had sex.
This post was edited on 10/23/17 at 9:19 am
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