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Started By
Message
Need Miscarriage Advice (update Pg 3, Miscarriage Official)
Posted on 10/13/15 at 12:56 pm
Posted on 10/13/15 at 12:56 pm
My wife and I have been trying for a while and we received the good news not too long ago that we are expecting #3. Through our joy, it was brought to light that one of the guys I supervise, his wife is pregnant as well. They were about a week ahead of us. However, things took a turn for the worst this weekend and his wife has started bleeding and is cramping. These are obvious signs of a miscarriage, and my wife and I have no idea what to do. Our wives were always talking about baby stuff, this and that, etc., but now we are sort of feeling depressed about being pregnant. They shared their news on Facebook already about being pregnant, and we have not disclosed it yet. We sort of feel like if we were to post about it, we would be rubbing it in their face. Any time they see our baby #3, it may remind them of what they could be experiencing right now.
How can I help him and his wife in this troubling time? Flowers, Candy, Card? I've never experienced a miscarriage this close to someone I know. Also, how can I help myself and my wife not feel guilty about our pregnancy but still be mindful of our close friends?
How can I help him and his wife in this troubling time? Flowers, Candy, Card? I've never experienced a miscarriage this close to someone I know. Also, how can I help myself and my wife not feel guilty about our pregnancy but still be mindful of our close friends?
This post was edited on 10/14/15 at 10:15 am
27
Posted on 10/13/15 at 12:57 pm to USAF Hart
there wasn't always a facebook. I wonder how people found out about pregnancies back then....
Posted on 10/13/15 at 12:59 pm to ell_13
quote:
there wasn't always a facebook. I wonder how people found out about pregnancies back then....
Usually when the baby was born.
Posted on 10/13/15 at 12:59 pm to USAF Hart
First, wait for confirmation.
Secondly, be respectful in front of them, but you shouldn't feel guilty or ashamed.
Secondly, be respectful in front of them, but you shouldn't feel guilty or ashamed.
Posted on 10/13/15 at 12:59 pm to USAF Hart
quote:
Flowers, Candy, Card?
I doubt any of this useless crap will help.
Ive had multiple friends lose babies(albeit i wasnt having one). Best thing our friends did was just to be their friends and be there for them.
I didnt release how common miscarriages were until my friends started having them.
Posted on 10/13/15 at 12:59 pm to USAF Hart
I read a really good blog post on this a while back, but can't find it now. check out /r/miscarriage for some good advice.
Posted on 10/13/15 at 12:59 pm to USAF Hart
Tough, Man.
My wife had a miscarriage during the first trimester when we were pregnant with our fourth. Fortunately, she got pregnant a few months later with the girl that eventually became our fourth.
There's not a ton you can do other than be there for support and an open forum. Let them know that this is very common, more common than most know (DR told us this). There's hope ahead to try again.
My wife had a miscarriage during the first trimester when we were pregnant with our fourth. Fortunately, she got pregnant a few months later with the girl that eventually became our fourth.
There's not a ton you can do other than be there for support and an open forum. Let them know that this is very common, more common than most know (DR told us this). There's hope ahead to try again.
Posted on 10/13/15 at 1:00 pm to ell_13
we've already called our immediate family (both sets of parents), and immediate local friends. However, I have family that is overseas that I don't talk to on the phone that I am sure would love to know the news. So, while I understand your snide remark, I am still searching for some other logical advice.
Posted on 10/13/15 at 1:01 pm to USAF Hart
I can't imagine everyone would handle it the same. So I have no idea what one should do. I know I'd probably take it differently than most and not really want to hear about it from too many people. There's probably only 3 or 4 people I'd be able to talk to it about with, but I'm a relatively private person. I did (and still do) have pretty strict opinions about what my wife throws up on facebook regarding the pregnancy and our son because of this type of stuff though.
This post was edited on 10/13/15 at 1:03 pm
Posted on 10/13/15 at 1:02 pm to USAF Hart
I don't think you should put it on Facebook. Then again I don't think anyone should put anything on Facebook.
Posted on 10/13/15 at 1:02 pm to USAF Hart
if they can see it on facebook, can't they get a direct message through fb?
Posted on 10/13/15 at 1:02 pm to Jones
quote:
I didnt release how common miscarriages were until my friends started having them.
People used to be smart enough to not announce pregnancies until further along.
Posted on 10/13/15 at 1:02 pm to USAF Hart
quote:
We sort of feel like if we were to post about it, we would be rubbing it in their face. Any time they see our baby #3, it may remind them of what they could be experiencing right now.
If you really want to share on fb there is the ability to filter them out so they can't see the post.
You can target who sees anything you post on your feed on fb.
This post was edited on 10/13/15 at 1:06 pm
Posted on 10/13/15 at 1:04 pm to USAF Hart
quote:
We sort of feel like if we were to post about it, we would be rubbing it in their face. Any time they see our baby #3, it may remind them of what they could be experiencing right now.
honestly that is their issue and not yours. while you need to be respectful of other's problems, you shouldn't hide your joyful news b.c they had a miscarriage. Maybe wait a few weeks if you are really worried. But you have a right to share your joy.
I have no suggestion how to support the miscarriage, maybe tell them they are in your thoughts / prayers.
Posted on 10/13/15 at 1:04 pm to USAF Hart
Just be there for them....if they want you to. His wife may have a hard time being near your wife. Nothing personal, it just may be difficult for her to be near pregnant women right now.
Close friend of mine has had 2 miscarriages less than a year apart. The last one was actually the day after she had confided to me that she was 8 weeks pregnant. I saw her again about a month or so after that and just let her lead the conversation. Figured if she wanted to talk about it with me, she would bring it up. Instead she talked about a recent trip she had taken. So I didn't bring it up and just let her be my entire focus of our lunch together. So all you can do, is just be a friend at this point. No need for flowers, etc imo, just your friendship and support.
Close friend of mine has had 2 miscarriages less than a year apart. The last one was actually the day after she had confided to me that she was 8 weeks pregnant. I saw her again about a month or so after that and just let her lead the conversation. Figured if she wanted to talk about it with me, she would bring it up. Instead she talked about a recent trip she had taken. So I didn't bring it up and just let her be my entire focus of our lunch together. So all you can do, is just be a friend at this point. No need for flowers, etc imo, just your friendship and support.
Posted on 10/13/15 at 1:06 pm to tigerman03
quote:
First, wait for confirmation
Yeah that would be weird if you expressed condolences and she's still pregnant.
Eta I think a card or candy would be weird regardless. Just express sympathy on a more personal level if she did have a miscarriage.
This post was edited on 10/13/15 at 1:10 pm
Posted on 10/13/15 at 1:10 pm to USAF Hart
I think when he tells you, you just offer condolences and comfort.
No reason to feel bad about your own pregnancy, but I would be subdued around this couple when it comes to baby conversations.
My wife had a miscarriage, it's more common than you think. But it is a difficult process to go through, especially for the wife.
No reason to feel bad about your own pregnancy, but I would be subdued around this couple when it comes to baby conversations.
My wife had a miscarriage, it's more common than you think. But it is a difficult process to go through, especially for the wife.
Posted on 10/13/15 at 1:10 pm to Yellerhammer5
quote:
People used to be smart enough to not announce pregnancies until further along.
We didn't even tell family until 12 weeks. I know people who had miscarriages telling people like the day they found out. Again, I understand that's their decision, and I know I'm a private person. But I just don't know if I'd want too many people to have that info at such a "risky" time in the pregnancy
Posted on 10/13/15 at 1:11 pm to little billy
theres nothing you can do. it's a shitty thing that only they will comprehend. everyone else will say well at least you can get pregnant or just try again like its no big deal or better to happen now then further along. went through this and its one of the hardest things to get through.
Posted on 10/13/15 at 1:11 pm to USAF Hart
It's really tough. I still think it was one of the big factors contributing to the failure of my marriage.
What ever you do don't close up. Be there for her and the way she needs you to be.
What ever you do don't close up. Be there for her and the way she needs you to be.
This post was edited on 10/13/15 at 1:14 pm
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