It hits harder when she's gone and you are at her funeral
The moment I was told my grandmother had passed away I started bawling and was a crying mess that entire night. I cried for most of the flight home as well. The wake and funeral...didn't shed a tear. It's like I felt like I needed to be strong for my mom and be there for her(it was her mother that passed). But alone....I cried quite a bit. I knew her passing was only a matter of time and knew it was gonna hit me very hard, but even knowing that.....her passing was very difficult for me to deal with.
(ETA: She passed away on my birthday, was notified while out celebrating my bday with my fiance, I was supposed to come home to visit her in just 3 weeks...so I think all those factors hit me hard as well)
Months later when shopping at Hobby Lobby for wedding stuff (a picture frame to put her picture in to honor her at my reception) it hit me very hard as well and I was a sobbing mess in Hobby Lobby. Everyone deals with grief in their own way.
This post was edited on 2/4 at 7:44 pm