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Started By
Message
Got any good one liners? (spinoff)
Posted on 2/14/17 at 9:32 pm
Posted on 2/14/17 at 9:32 pm
I threw a boomerang a few years ago. I now live in constant fear.
My teacher accused me of plagiarism. His words, not mine.
A man in New York gets stabbed every 52 seconds. Poor bastard..
I didn’t believe my dad was a construction site thief until I got home. All the signs were there.
And The Lord said come forth and receive eternal life. But john came fifth and won a toaster.
I have a stepladder, because my real ladder left when I was a kid.
My teacher accused me of plagiarism. His words, not mine.
A man in New York gets stabbed every 52 seconds. Poor bastard..
I didn’t believe my dad was a construction site thief until I got home. All the signs were there.
And The Lord said come forth and receive eternal life. But john came fifth and won a toaster.
I have a stepladder, because my real ladder left when I was a kid.
9
Posted on 2/14/17 at 9:34 pm to nateslu1
Say girl! You shite with that arse?
Posted on 2/14/17 at 9:35 pm to nateslu1
A man walks into a bar, and stays there my entire childhood
Posted on 2/14/17 at 9:37 pm to nateslu1
My dad worked at a glass factory, he fell in a machine and made a spectacle of himself.
Posted on 2/14/17 at 9:42 pm to nateslu1
I eat too much; I drink too much. I gave my doctor a urine sample; it had an olive in it.
Posted on 2/14/17 at 9:45 pm to nateslu1
Mike was a crossdresser. All he wanted from life was to eat, drink, and be Mary.
Posted on 2/14/17 at 9:45 pm to kingbob
My new thesaurus is terrible. And not only that, it's also terrible.
This post was edited on 2/14/17 at 9:50 pm
Posted on 2/14/17 at 9:47 pm to Eighteen
It's really difficult to say what my wife does for work. She sells sea shells by the sea shore.
Posted on 2/14/17 at 9:47 pm to nateslu1
How do you kill a clown on a Tuesday after a talent show ?
Shoot him in the head
Shoot him in the head
Posted on 2/14/17 at 9:50 pm to Eighteen
Two peanuts were walking down a dark alley. One was a salted.
Posted on 2/14/17 at 9:51 pm to nateslu1
the one liner goat
Posted on 2/14/17 at 9:53 pm to gamatt53
The legend 
My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana. I said no, but I want a regular banana later. So yeah.
My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana. I said no, but I want a regular banana later. So yeah.
Posted on 2/14/17 at 9:56 pm to nateslu1
Take my wife, please!
Posted on 2/14/17 at 9:59 pm to bradwieser
A man goes to a psychiatrist. The doctor says, "You're crazy." The man says, "I want a second opinion!" The doctor says, "Okay, you're ugly too!"
Posted on 2/14/17 at 10:05 pm to bradwieser
I told my doctor "I think my wife and I have vd". He gave himself a shot of penicillin.
I got in the cab and told the driver "take me where the action is". He took me to my house.
I told my doctor "every morning I wake up, get out of bed, look in the mirror, and I feel like I want to throw up. What the hell is wrong with me?" He said "I don't know, but your eye sight's perfect."
I got in the cab and told the driver "take me where the action is". He took me to my house.
I told my doctor "every morning I wake up, get out of bed, look in the mirror, and I feel like I want to throw up. What the hell is wrong with me?" He said "I don't know, but your eye sight's perfect."
Posted on 2/14/17 at 10:07 pm to nateslu1
All those are dad jokes...
Pretty great dad jokes!
Pretty great dad jokes!
Posted on 2/14/17 at 10:09 pm to Pectus
A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn’t pay his bill, so he gave him another six months.
Posted on 2/14/17 at 10:11 pm to bradwieser
Two termites walk into a bar and ask "is the bar tender here?"
A magician was driving down a street, and then he turned into a driveway.
Earlier today a girl told me she recognized me from a local vegetarian club, but I've never seen herbivore.
A magician was driving down a street, and then he turned into a driveway.
Earlier today a girl told me she recognized me from a local vegetarian club, but I've never seen herbivore.
This post was edited on 2/14/17 at 10:16 pm
Posted on 2/14/17 at 10:14 pm to kingbob
He man, like....great "one paragraph."
Posted on 2/14/17 at 10:16 pm to Eighteen
My doctor told me he needed a urine, fecal, and semen sample. I told him just take my underwear
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