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Started By
Message
Any of you have experience with Stepchildren and their other parent?
Posted on 8/31/15 at 8:07 am
Posted on 8/31/15 at 8:07 am
I've been dating this woman who is out of my league for over 6 months now. She is terrific. However, she was married to a dude who was and is complete trash. He is a cop, who is now on his third wife and third kid.
He never calls his (her) daughter who is now 2.5 yrs old, and he never pays his full share of child support or gets her his weekends. His mom works at Winn Dixie as a bagger and both of his sisters are on welfare. Just completely terrible people.
My gf bends over backwards to appease him to help her daughter and "do what is best for her". She wants her daughter around her father and all that.
Do any of you have any experience with situations like this? I know of no one personally who has dealt with this.
I guess my questions are:
How are holidays when you have to split time?
How do you go about dealing with the other person who couldn't care less about their "responsibility"?
Is the logistics of everything stressful?
In all honesty, I can see him signing away his rights in a couple years. But, if I move forward with this chick, what am I in for?
He never calls his (her) daughter who is now 2.5 yrs old, and he never pays his full share of child support or gets her his weekends. His mom works at Winn Dixie as a bagger and both of his sisters are on welfare. Just completely terrible people.
My gf bends over backwards to appease him to help her daughter and "do what is best for her". She wants her daughter around her father and all that.
Do any of you have any experience with situations like this? I know of no one personally who has dealt with this.
I guess my questions are:
How are holidays when you have to split time?
How do you go about dealing with the other person who couldn't care less about their "responsibility"?
Is the logistics of everything stressful?
In all honesty, I can see him signing away his rights in a couple years. But, if I move forward with this chick, what am I in for?
28
Posted on 8/31/15 at 8:08 am to CherryGarciaMan
Be a man.
Posted on 8/31/15 at 8:09 am to CherryGarciaMan
quote:
I've been dating this woman who is out of my league for over 6 months now
Pics motherfricker.
Posted on 8/31/15 at 8:10 am to CherryGarciaMan
quote:
In all honesty, I can see him signing away his rights in a couple years. But, if I move forward with this chick, what am I in for?
Get a Fleshlight, It will treat you better in the long run.
Posted on 8/31/15 at 8:12 am to CherryGarciaMan
You're going to date a woman whose kids are a cops?
A guy with a gun.
This won't go well.
A guy with a gun.
This won't go well.
Posted on 8/31/15 at 8:12 am to CherryGarciaMan
quote:
if I move forward with this chick, what am I in for?
15.5 years of raising some trashy guy's trashy kid.
Posted on 8/31/15 at 8:13 am to CherryGarciaMan
quote:The one bit of advice I can give you is this: if you care about this woman and the little girl, you need to be supportive of them but don't mix yourself into the minutia of your girlfriend and her ex's financial affairs. You can ask her questions or listen to her when she vents, but don't actively get involved. It's okay to know about the problems and be supportive of her without getting involved. I don't think that's a good idea. I mean, you need to be there for the girl and your SO, but you need to be a positive influence and one of peace and civility too.
I've been dating this woman who is out of my league for over 6 months now. She is terrific. However, she was married to a dude who was and is complete trash. He is a cop, who is now on his third wife and third kid.
He never calls his (her) daughter who is now 2.5 yrs old, and he never pays his full share of child support or gets her his weekends. His mom works at Winn Dixie as a bagger and both of his sisters are on welfare. Just completely terrible people.
My gf bends over backwards to appease him to help her daughter and "do what is best for her". She wants her daughter around her father and all that.
Do any of you have any experience with situations like this? I know of no one personally who has dealt with this.
I guess my questions are:
How are holidays when you have to split time?
How do you go about dealing with the other person who couldn't care less about their "responsibility"?
Is the logistics of everything stressful?
In all honesty, I can see him signing away his rights in a couple years. But, if I move forward with this chick, what am I in for?
ETA: Also, realize that if you are serious about the woman you will be an enormous influence on that little girl, as well. She will look at you as a father figure whether you realize it or not. So do your best to make sure you're a good example at all times. She'll see how you treat her mother.
This post was edited on 8/31/15 at 8:15 am
Posted on 8/31/15 at 8:14 am to CherryGarciaMan
(no message)
This post was edited on 8/31/15 at 8:49 am
Posted on 8/31/15 at 8:17 am to CherryGarciaMan
quote:
I've been dating this woman who is out of my league for over 6 months now. She is terrific. However, she was married to a dude who was and is complete trash.
so she has bad taste in men...
think about that for a second.
Posted on 8/31/15 at 8:18 am to The Sad Banana
quote:
The one bit of advice I can give you is this: if you care about this woman and the little girl, you need to be supportive of them but don't mix yourself into the minutia of your girlfriend and her ex's financial affairs. You can ask her questions or listen to her when she vents, but don't actively get involved. It's okay to know about the problems and be supportive of her without getting involved.
Extremely difficult. I try, but at times I get caught up and air my thoughts. It never goes well.
quote:
Also, realize that if you are serious about the woman you will be an enormous influence on that little girl, as well. She will look at you as a father figure whether you realize it or not. So do your best to make sure you're a good example at all times. She'll see how you treat her mother.
One of the better parts of the relationship. It's been a learning experience.
Posted on 8/31/15 at 8:19 am to CherryGarciaMan
I feel for you, man. But a real man wouldn't shoplift the pootie from a single mom.
Posted on 8/31/15 at 8:21 am to CherryGarciaMan
quote:
My gf bends over backwards to appease him to help her daughter and "do what is best for her". She wants her daughter around her father and all that.
sounds like she is still bending over forwards for him too.
Posted on 8/31/15 at 8:22 am to The Sad Banana
quote:
Also, realize that if you are serious about the woman you will be an enormous influence on that little girl, as well. She will look at you as a father figure whether you realize it or not. So do your best to make sure you're a good example at all times. She'll see how you treat her mother.
I'm ready to be a dad. But those pieces won't fall into place for years the way things are going.
I should just date a woman with a kid. That's the next best thing.
Posted on 8/31/15 at 8:22 am to CherryGarciaMan
quote:I think your best bet is to be an active listener. She will need an ear and a shoulder to lean on. And it's okay to talk it out with her, constructively, without being too opinionated. I think if she hears your opinions, she'll know she has support. But ultimately, it's her business. You can't fault her for wanting her child to know her father.
Extremely difficult. I try, but at times I get caught up and air my thoughts. It never goes well.
quote:Little girls look up to their fathers. Treat her mother with respect. Open her doors, give her flowers, and involve the little one.
One of the better parts of the relationship. It's been a learning experience.
Good luck, man. All best.
Posted on 8/31/15 at 8:22 am to CherryGarciaMan
Not to sound like an arse, but I would exit stage left. I have no personal experience, but I watched what my brother went through. His ex wife would not hit a lick at a snake, but somehow against everyone in my family advice, he married her because he fell for my nephew (legally adopted him) not his ex wife. My nephews sperm donor wasn't in the picture, and my brother busted his arse to make ends meet because she did not want to work. He got promoted and was making very good money. Then he finds out that she is sleeping with my nephew's social studies teacher and had been for about a year, and her reasoning was because he didn't have time to treat her like a princess. Luckily he has a better lawyer and has primary custody of my niece and nephew, but it is hard to raise children to do what is right and wrong when they are with him and completely having to re-teach everything when they get back from their mothers. I type all this to say make sure you are in it for the long haul because things will change in a hurry.
Posted on 8/31/15 at 8:27 am to Perrydawg
quote:
Perrydawg
Thanks for the advice.
quote:
I type all this to say make sure you are in it for the long haul because things will change in a hurry.
What things??
FWIW, my gf goes to church every Sunday and has a heart of gold. Great parents and a fantastic upbringing. She would not cheat on me.
Posted on 8/31/15 at 8:28 am to wickowick
quote:
But a real man wouldn't shoplift the pootie from a single mom.
It's more like purchasing with an intent to return at some point.
Posted on 8/31/15 at 8:29 am to fr33manator
That is not what Rod Tidwell says...
Posted on 8/31/15 at 8:30 am to CherryGarciaMan
My Ex is worthless, for a while she never took my daughters on her weekends. I am owed tens of thousands in back child support
Thankfully i was awarded full custody, whit their mom getting alternating weekend visitations
You can ask my wife how much of a pain it is to deal with holiday swapping. It just about ruins the holidays all together.
You need to plan on having them every weekend as the ex will not always take them. always have a back-up plan if you have plans. I kept my parents on standby if i have somewhere to go on ex's weekend. I now plan trips/events on weekends i have my daughters to have control of the situation. no last minute changes in plans
Again, you can ask my wife, its a huge stress on our marriage. We control the situation as much as we can, but you can only control it so much. Try to limit interaction with the other side as much as possible. only initiate contact if it cant wait till exchange days
I thought the same thing with my ex, but as i was engaged this got worse, once i re-married all hell broke loose and she "attempted" to be a "mother" again, but it was short lived....
Good luck
Thankfully i was awarded full custody, whit their mom getting alternating weekend visitations
quote:
How are holidays when you have to split time?
You can ask my wife how much of a pain it is to deal with holiday swapping. It just about ruins the holidays all together.
quote:
How do you go about dealing with the other person who couldn't care less about their "responsibility"?
You need to plan on having them every weekend as the ex will not always take them. always have a back-up plan if you have plans. I kept my parents on standby if i have somewhere to go on ex's weekend. I now plan trips/events on weekends i have my daughters to have control of the situation. no last minute changes in plans
quote:
Is the logistics of everything stressful?
Again, you can ask my wife, its a huge stress on our marriage. We control the situation as much as we can, but you can only control it so much. Try to limit interaction with the other side as much as possible. only initiate contact if it cant wait till exchange days
quote:
In all honesty, I can see him signing away his rights in a couple years. But, if I move forward with this chick, what am I in for?
I thought the same thing with my ex, but as i was engaged this got worse, once i re-married all hell broke loose and she "attempted" to be a "mother" again, but it was short lived....
Good luck
Posted on 8/31/15 at 8:31 am to CherryGarciaMan
quote:
my gf goes to church every Sunday and has a heart of gold. Great parents and a fantastic upbringing. She would not cheat on me.
the naivety is strong
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