Article Accurately Describing Paranoid Saints Fans

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ASHBURN, VA—Though the Washington Redskins are currently attempting to decide on their starting quarterback, no person older than the age of 13 has shown any enthusiasm about the position, team sources confirmed Sunday. “We had one ninth-grader come in, but he wouldn’t play here unless we got him a serious receiving threat,” said head coach Mike Shanahan, staring warily as an overweight 10-year-old girl attempted to throw a five-yard out to Santana Moss. “The problem we have here is that the only people in camp that are really excited about leading this team can’t see over the offensive line, can only throw underhanded, and trip over their jerseys.” The Redskins’ quarterback situation further deteriorated Sunday evening, when owner Daniel Snyder offered to trade Grossman and a third-round pick to a local Pop Warner team in exchange for their backup quarterback and cash.