re: Bill Brasky is a 10 foot tall beastman who showers in vodka & feeds his baby shrimp scampi

Brasky would put on a white tie and tails and walk his pet cobra through the park on a leash. He named the cobra "Beverly". And he taught it how to fetch and dial a phone. But then one day, it bit the maid. So with tears in his eyes, Brasky had to shoot the maid.

God Amighty stirs his own evening cocktail with Bill Brassky's humongous dick!!

To Bill Brasky!!!

I masturbate to the Teletubbies

Did I ever tell you about the time I went horseback riding with Brasky, but there weren’t any horses around? Well, Brasky throws a saddle on my back and rides me around Wyoming for three days. Well, wouldn’t you know it, my stamina increases with each day and I develop tremendous leg muscles. So anyway, Brasky decides to enter me in the Breeders’ Cup, right, under the name Turkish Delight. And I’m running in second place, and I’m running and I break my ankle! They’re about to shoot me. Then someone from the crowd yells out, God bless him, "Don’t shoot him, he’s a human."

Every morning I crap the bed!

Brasky's family crest is a picture of a barracuda eating Neil Armstrong

Bill Brasky routinely photobombs the Hubbell Telescope and NASA's too intimidated to say anything.

Did I ever tell you about the time Bill Brasky showed up at my daughter’s wedding? You know my daughter, she’s a beautiful girl. Well, Brasky shows up and you know he’s a big fella. Well, he’s standing right between me and my daughter at the ceremony. He’s got no right to be there, but he’s drunk and he’s Brasky. Well, long story short, the priest accidentally marries me and Brasky. We spend the weekend in the Poconos — he loved me like I’ve never been loved before

Brasky taught his son how to drive by entering him into the Indy 500. The kid wrecked and died, but Brasky said "It would have happened sometime."