Grantland Exclusive: Redacted NBA Scouting Reports

LINK

Here are a few of these incredibly hilarious transcripts. Click the link and read all of them though.

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2013-14 Former Bobcats Staff

Michael would come down and sit at the end of the bench and make different bets with players. Like he bet Jannero Pargo that he would never start a game or average five points and Pargo had to do landscaping at Jordan’s house for like two months in order to pay him back.

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2006-2014 Former Lakers Staff Member

Everything with him is Kobe Kobe Kobe Kobe Kobe Kobe Kobe Kobe Kobe Kobe Kobe Kobe Kobe Kobe Kobe Kobe Kobe Kobe Kobe Kobe Kobe Kobe Kobe Kobe Kobe Kobe Kobe Kobe. I may have forgotten a few Kobes, but you get the picture. Hardest working player I’ve ever been around and it isn’t particularly close but the guy is like a basketball sociopath. Doesn’t know any of his teammates names. Called Pau “Paul” even after they won their first title together. Called Lamar “Larry.” He knew Fisher’s name. Thing is he called every point guard “Fish.” He calls Steve Nash “Fish.” He used to make Smush get dressed and taped in the broom closet. When I asked him why he said, “So Fish can get used to being around the things he’ll use when he becomes a janitor next year.” He was right about that one though. Once, Kobe got Vanessa this diamond ring because he thought she might divorce him. Smush was said something to the effect of that ring is bigger than my condo and Kobe yelled, “Fish, get back in your closet!” That was funny. That was the night he scored 81, so we were on the road.

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2013-14 Former Pistons Staff Member

We used to beg Josh not to shoot threes. Literally, guys would offer him cash not to shoot. Everyone but Drummond, who couldn’t say shite because of his free throws. Josh took over three attempts a game at 26 percent! Brandon was pissed all those misses were messing up his stats. Chauncey would beg him not shoot threes but Josh wouldn’t listen and I think that’s partially how Chauncey knew it was finally time to retire besides him being done three years ago.

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