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What would you do as a parent....
Posted on 10/20/11 at 12:16 pm
Posted on 10/20/11 at 12:16 pm
I've got 2 kids.....I'm letting one of my kids and her family live in a house that I couldn't sell.....I don't charge them any rent...they pay utilites, water, etc.....They will probably live in this house as long as they want....Should I give my other kid a housing allownce since I'm letting her sister live rent free.....they are middle income family....I'm sure like alot of families money is tight, but they haven't asked for anything....I'm feeling guilty that I've made it easier for one and not the other...I can afford to do it also...opinions welcomed
10
Posted on 10/20/11 at 12:19 pm to West Monroe
quote:
I'm feeling guilty that I've made it easier for one and not the other...I can afford to do it also...opinions welcomed
I assume the house is paid off? At least make them pay the property taxes and insurance.
Posted on 10/20/11 at 12:26 pm to West Monroe
quote:
Should I give my other kid a housing allownce since I'm letting her sister live rent free.....
quote:
I can afford to do it also...opinions welcomed
Yes.
I wouldn't tell you to put yourself out, but being in a family with a lot of bums, it's aggrivating to see the inequity go on, even though it's not directed at any one person.
Posted on 10/20/11 at 12:26 pm to West Monroe
Personal decision. I don't think there is a right or wrong answer. If they need help and you have the means, sure. It's family that you love.
Posted on 10/20/11 at 12:31 pm to C
yes the house is paid off....the question isn't about the one living in the house, its for the one that has her own house note and trying to make her life easier.....
Posted on 10/20/11 at 12:42 pm to West Monroe
Make your daughter pay to use your house.
Posted on 10/20/11 at 12:46 pm to West Monroe
quote:
yes the house is paid off....the question isn't about the one living in the house, its for the one that has her own house note and trying to make her life easier.....
I don't think I could just give my adult children (when they become adults) a housing allowance just out of the kindness of my heart, or in fairness to one in lieu of the other.
If by "make her life easier", you mean allow a new mom to stay home with a kid, prevent one of them from having to work 50-60 hrs per week, help them catch up to some overdue balances on other forms of credit, etc... Essentially helping to ease a temporary financial hardship, then I would say let the other daughter have that allowance.
But if it's simply a result of trying to create some equity among your kids, and she lives comfortably now, I probably wouldn't give her an "allowance". If anything, to create equity, I'd charge the other one a little bit of rent.
All that said...it's your family. And only you REALLY know the circumstances surrounding the situation.
This post was edited on 10/20/11 at 12:47 pm
Posted on 10/20/11 at 12:47 pm to lynxcat
quote:
Make your daughter pay to use your house.
Give the other something based on what the other house would command rent-wise on the open market.
Posted on 10/20/11 at 12:57 pm to LSUAlum2001
this is coming from a childs perspective...
I'm 29, married with no kids.
Older bro is 32, married with no kids
Older sis is 35, married with 2 kids
Younger sis is 27, not married, in vet school...
Parents help out whoever needs it when...
When one kids gets a bit of help here, the others don't get jealous and scream "what about me!!! what about me!!!"
We all know that our parents are there whenever we need them. Thats what parents are there for. Each kid is going to need help at some point in their life and ultimately, it'll even out.
I'm 29, married with no kids.
Older bro is 32, married with no kids
Older sis is 35, married with 2 kids
Younger sis is 27, not married, in vet school...
Parents help out whoever needs it when...
When one kids gets a bit of help here, the others don't get jealous and scream "what about me!!! what about me!!!"
We all know that our parents are there whenever we need them. Thats what parents are there for. Each kid is going to need help at some point in their life and ultimately, it'll even out.
This post was edited on 10/20/11 at 12:59 pm
Posted on 10/20/11 at 1:00 pm to The Hamburglar
Yeah. If my dad decided to help my younger brother out, I wouldn't care.
The dumbass usually needs it.
Me and my older sister are far ahead of him financially.
The dumbass usually needs it.
Me and my older sister are far ahead of him financially.
Posted on 10/20/11 at 1:02 pm to West Monroe
My parents faced a similar situation many years ago on a smaller scale.
I was 23 and just married. My brother was 27 and married with 1 kid.
Brother had some financial problems and asked for a loan for a washer/dryer. My parents were poor but could afford to loan him $300 (this is circa 1970 money). But parents felt guilty so wrote me a letter asking if I could use $300 as a loan to make things equal. I said 'yes I could use it.' The conditions were simple. Pay back 30 bucks a month for 10 months.
I paid my parents back in 10 months.
Fast forward 20 years. I was sitting on the front porch of the old home with dad. Visiting for one of the last times as his health was declining and he would die a few years hence.
Dad: "Zach, do you remember that loan I gave you and your brother 20 years ago?"
Me: Yeah.
Dad: I didn't expect either of you to pay it back. Your brother didn't. You did.
He then gave me a look that spoke without the words "I was proud of you, son."
Don't know if this helps in your decision.
I was 23 and just married. My brother was 27 and married with 1 kid.
Brother had some financial problems and asked for a loan for a washer/dryer. My parents were poor but could afford to loan him $300 (this is circa 1970 money). But parents felt guilty so wrote me a letter asking if I could use $300 as a loan to make things equal. I said 'yes I could use it.' The conditions were simple. Pay back 30 bucks a month for 10 months.
I paid my parents back in 10 months.
Fast forward 20 years. I was sitting on the front porch of the old home with dad. Visiting for one of the last times as his health was declining and he would die a few years hence.
Dad: "Zach, do you remember that loan I gave you and your brother 20 years ago?"
Me: Yeah.
Dad: I didn't expect either of you to pay it back. Your brother didn't. You did.
He then gave me a look that spoke without the words "I was proud of you, son."
Don't know if this helps in your decision.
Posted on 10/20/11 at 1:09 pm to Zach
quote:
Dad: I didn't expect either of you to pay it back. Your brother didn't. You did.
He then gave me a look that spoke without the words "I was proud of you, son."
damn....
Posted on 10/20/11 at 1:12 pm to LSUAlum2001
I have never asked my parents for anything.
I watched my sibling twist money, cars, land, & homes out of my parents since they were in their mid-20's, and really way before that, too.
I was told I couldn't have any land at one point because they'd been hamstrung by what my sibling did.
Got pretty annoyed with that, but what do you do?
Watched my parents pour tons of moolah down the drain trying to keep the houses & households going while they didn't do anything other than be blessed enough to have kids that my parents will NOT allow to go without.
I've never asked for anything. Paid anything I ever borrowed back. Don't owe my parents a dime, & even paid for the last few years of student loans that I unwittingly cosigned for along with them (didn't know what I was doing at the time) back on my own.
I used to complain to them that they couldn't see through my sibling like I could, but they always brushed it off or played the, "I don't want to hear it," card.
But its been ongoing for so long, on one hand its hard to swallow, but that's how its always has been and will always be.
What's truly sickening-to me-is that I see my parents aging, and my sibling's going to take advantage of them till the day they're gone.
They long ago realized I wasn't able to be manipulated because I saw how they worked from a very young age. It hurts because I know I'm going to have to fight them off of them and then I'll have to fight them even after they're gone.
My parents don't see it, but I do...
You may want to sit down and just have a conversation with your child that's not getting all the help and say, "Hey, I've actually stopped and thought about this, and think it may be unfair. How do you feel?"
Because I've never even gotten that out of my Mother & Father. It would've gone a long way...
I watched my sibling twist money, cars, land, & homes out of my parents since they were in their mid-20's, and really way before that, too.
I was told I couldn't have any land at one point because they'd been hamstrung by what my sibling did.
Got pretty annoyed with that, but what do you do?
Watched my parents pour tons of moolah down the drain trying to keep the houses & households going while they didn't do anything other than be blessed enough to have kids that my parents will NOT allow to go without.
I've never asked for anything. Paid anything I ever borrowed back. Don't owe my parents a dime, & even paid for the last few years of student loans that I unwittingly cosigned for along with them (didn't know what I was doing at the time) back on my own.
I used to complain to them that they couldn't see through my sibling like I could, but they always brushed it off or played the, "I don't want to hear it," card.
But its been ongoing for so long, on one hand its hard to swallow, but that's how its always has been and will always be.
What's truly sickening-to me-is that I see my parents aging, and my sibling's going to take advantage of them till the day they're gone.
They long ago realized I wasn't able to be manipulated because I saw how they worked from a very young age. It hurts because I know I'm going to have to fight them off of them and then I'll have to fight them even after they're gone.
My parents don't see it, but I do...
You may want to sit down and just have a conversation with your child that's not getting all the help and say, "Hey, I've actually stopped and thought about this, and think it may be unfair. How do you feel?"
Because I've never even gotten that out of my Mother & Father. It would've gone a long way...
This post was edited on 10/20/11 at 1:54 pm
Posted on 10/20/11 at 1:20 pm to GFunk
quote:
You may want to sit down and just have a conversation with your child that's not getting all the help and say, "Hey, I've actually stopped and thought about this, and think it may be unfair. How do you feel?"
Because I've never even gotten that out of my Mother & Father. It would've gone a long way...
That is actually more valuable than whatever you would offer them in monetary value.
It all depends on the person's point of view. My family holds me, each of my siblings, and each of my cousins to different standards. My brother and I work our asses off for what we have and don't ever ask for any money, everyone else (at differing levels) is a mooch (ask for down payment for home/entire home paid for/entire life bank rolled). It's aggrivating that it is that way, but I don't hate my family for it at the end of the day. Family is family, nothing you can do about it other than try to be a peacemaker.
Posted on 10/20/11 at 2:08 pm to TheHiddenFlask
I have told my parents the only thing I will ask money for is a medical emergency or some other critical emergency. I do not have any desire to go back to their pockets.
Posted on 10/20/11 at 3:48 pm to West Monroe
I don't know if this is relevant or not, but...
Right after I graduated I got a job and was going to buy my first new car. I was $500 short. I went to my grandmother who was always giving money to my sister and dead-beat cousins, I figured she'd at least lend me the money.
No problem, she wrote me a check with no conditions, no term, no interest. I bought the car. A couple of months later when I had the money to pay her back, she went in to the hospital. I rushed over to Lafayette to see her, but by then she had been discharged so I went to her house. I told her that I figured I'd better pay her back before she ended up dead. (She laughed, she had a VERY sick sense of humor.)
About 5 years later she did die. It turns out that she left me 150% of what she had left for everyone else in my generation. I figured it was because I only asked her for money that one time and paid her back, no one else had ever bothered to pay her even a portion of what she had given them.
That said, you could deduct it from inheretance, OR you could simply charge a small rent. I am a firm believer that giving someone something for free just makes them appreciate it that much less.
OR you could just blow it off and not worry about it. Which probably sounds like the best thing for your family's situation.
Right after I graduated I got a job and was going to buy my first new car. I was $500 short. I went to my grandmother who was always giving money to my sister and dead-beat cousins, I figured she'd at least lend me the money.
No problem, she wrote me a check with no conditions, no term, no interest. I bought the car. A couple of months later when I had the money to pay her back, she went in to the hospital. I rushed over to Lafayette to see her, but by then she had been discharged so I went to her house. I told her that I figured I'd better pay her back before she ended up dead. (She laughed, she had a VERY sick sense of humor.)
About 5 years later she did die. It turns out that she left me 150% of what she had left for everyone else in my generation. I figured it was because I only asked her for money that one time and paid her back, no one else had ever bothered to pay her even a portion of what she had given them.
That said, you could deduct it from inheretance, OR you could simply charge a small rent. I am a firm believer that giving someone something for free just makes them appreciate it that much less.
OR you could just blow it off and not worry about it. Which probably sounds like the best thing for your family's situation.
Posted on 10/20/11 at 3:56 pm to The Hamburglar
quote:
Younger sis is 27, not married, in vet school...
Pics?
Posted on 10/20/11 at 4:14 pm to West Monroe
I was just reading about this exact type of situation in The Millionaire Next Door about the wealthy helping out there kids. Basically there is a point where help turns in to enabling. If one kid is constantly supported my Mom and Pops, even into the "kids" 50's and older, that child will never be able to support themselves. When Mom or Pops die and the money runs out they will be screwed.
My brother and I are both completely financially independent so I don't have much personal experience except from seeing my cousins take advantage of an aunt and uncle who really can't afford it. One of the cousins makes more money than my aunt and uncle combined yet is so irresponsible he requires help time after time. He's in his mid-thirties and shows no signs of changing. This cousins sister is in her late 20's and lives at home with mom and pops with her out of wedlock child who they also now support.
My brother and I are both completely financially independent so I don't have much personal experience except from seeing my cousins take advantage of an aunt and uncle who really can't afford it. One of the cousins makes more money than my aunt and uncle combined yet is so irresponsible he requires help time after time. He's in his mid-thirties and shows no signs of changing. This cousins sister is in her late 20's and lives at home with mom and pops with her out of wedlock child who they also now support.
Posted on 10/20/11 at 4:37 pm to West Monroe
quote:
I'm feeling guilty that I've made it easier for one and not the other
have one the one living for free pay the other child a small amount every month
Posted on 10/20/11 at 4:38 pm to LSU0358
My Brother In Law is 27 and still lives at home, granted he's in school part-time but my In-Laws don't ask him to pay for anything.
My wife and I have never asked for anything, but her parents do pay for my wife's health insurance which would be f-ing insane if she was on her own plan...
My wife and I have never asked for anything, but her parents do pay for my wife's health insurance which would be f-ing insane if she was on her own plan...
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