Achieving Goals and Feeling Unsettled

Maybe you should read The Hero with a Thousand Faces or something. It's hard to know without knowing much about you.

In general, it can be said that people tend to err either by setting goals that are too grand/sweeping/ambitious (usually because they fear the normal feedback and criticism that comes from setting more reasonable goals and living an ordinary life), or by setting goals that are too narrow/rigid/small (usually because they fear the great unknown and uncertainty that comes from exploring--and thus exposing--the inner depths of their own character).

There was an article (" The Power of Negative Thinking") recently in the Wall Street Journal that was only tangentially related to all this, but it did contain the following interesting passage:

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In American corporations, perhaps the most widely accepted doctrine of the "cult of positivity" is the importance of setting big, audacious goals for an organization, while employees are encouraged (or compelled) to set goals that are "SMART"—"Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant and Timely." (It is thought that the term was first used in a 1981 article by George T. Doran.)

But the pro-goal consensus is starting to crumble. For one thing, rigid goals may encourage employees to cut ethical corners. In a study conducted by the management scholar Lisa Ordóñez and her colleagues, participants had to make words from a set of random letters, as in Scrabble. The experiment let them report their progress anonymously—and those given a specific target to reach lied far more frequently than those instructed merely to "do your best."

Goals may even lead to underachievement. Many New York taxi drivers, one team of economists concluded, make less money in rainy weather than they could because they finish work as soon as they reach their mental target for what constitute a good day's earnings.

Focusing on one goal at the expense of all other factors also can distort a corporate mission or an individual life, says Christopher Kayes, an associate professor of management at George Washington University in Washington, D.C. ... Behind our fixation on goals, Prof. Kayes's work suggests, is a deep unease with feelings of uncertainty.

Research by Saras Sarasvathy, an associate professor of business administration at the University of Virginia, suggests that learning to accommodate feelings of uncertainty is not just the key to a more balanced life but often leads to prosperity as well. For one project, she interviewed 45 successful entrepreneurs, all of whom had taken at least one business public. ...

They practiced instead what Prof. Sarasvathy calls "effectuation." Rather than choosing a goal and then making a plan to achieve it, they took stock of the means and materials at their disposal, then imagined the possible ends. Effectuation also includes what she calls the "affordable loss principle." Instead of focusing on the possibility of spectacular rewards from a venture, ask how great the loss would be if it failed. If the potential loss seems tolerable, take the next step.

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If you are a simple person, then I'd say that's a good thing. I don't know if you're a religious man, but the whole theme of Ecclesiastes is basically that the best thing for man is to simply eat, drink, and cheerfully to enjoy the fruit of his labors while thanking God for his life, and that all the rest--building empires, saving the rain forests, speaking out about blood diamonds in the Congo, going to philanthropy galas in West Palm Beach, etc.--is usually more vanity than anything else.

But of course, if you truly enjoy life, then as you mature you'll want to understand more about it. That's about all I can tell you, and to be honest, I'm not the best person in the world to take advice from. I'm more or less just trying to get my own thoughts out on this.

There's also the whole results-oriented vs. process-oriented paradigm that's popular to talk about these days, but really, it seems to me that such a paradigm, while useful for some things, does tend to sidestep the bigger issues in some ways. Sure, you can lead a more stoic and serene life by being more process-oriented, but how do you judge what process you choose to live your whole life by? You can end up just as narrow-minded as the supposedly even more narrow-minded results-oriented people.

The point is, it's hard to figure out what it is you really want to do. Pretty much every success book or self-help book that's ever been written consists of the following two lessons: (1) figure out what it is that you really want to do, what you are "passionate about" and feel like you were born to do, and (2) stop making excuses to yourself for not doing it.

Inevitably, (1) is skipped over in a paragraph or two, while 99% of the book talks about (2). But this is just a parlor trick, because (2) is the easy part, which is why self-help books are almost always close to useless. They're all just motivational rah-rah speech, basically. It's (1) that nobody knows how to explain.

I fear that I've rambled too much in this post, but to wrap everything up, I'd say that figuring out "what you really want to do" can in some ways be viewed as researching any other field of information that you want to know about. You have to figure out yourself better, the world around you better, and your role within that world better. All of this takes careful objective study, because the truth is often hard to figure out. But, you know, "the truth shall set you free" and "know thyself" and all that.

Good luck.

If it's not been said yet, let me be the first: welcome back. Excellent post.

There are plenty of really good books/audio books on the subject. I would start there.

Help others. Spend time with family.

Your life will never feel unfulfilled again.

Perhaps you need to seek Spiritual fulfullment though Jesus Christ.

Lots of people achieve their life-long goals only to find once they reach their goals, they find life empty and void of any meaning.

I know a lady that was simliar to you. She told me she had the ideal life, a great husband, beautiful children, a nice home with a comfortable income but inside she was miserable and empty. She has found life fulfillment through her relationship with Jesus Christ.

I know this isn't a religous thread but I feel like I needed to post this for you.
God bless.

Doc,

Thanks for the thoughtful response.

quote:

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If you are a simple person, then I'd say that's a good thing. I don't know if you're a religious man, but the whole theme of Ecclesiastes is basically that the best thing for man is to simply eat, drink, and cheerfully to enjoy the fruit of his labors while thanking God for his life, and that all the rest--building empires, saving the rain forests, speaking out about blood diamonds in the Congo, going to philanthropy galas in West Palm Beach, etc.--is usually more vanity than anything else.

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This sums up where I want to be in life. Over the course of putting my career and finances in place, the parts about "cheerfully" and "thanking God" have not received enough attention. However, "enjoy the fruit of his labors" remains a priority to avoid falling back in my career.

Really the changes lately have been more of a refocus on family and religion. My work is still enjoyable, and having some mentoring duties is a good chance to give back. Even though I have to bust my tail every day to keep up, maybe I don't need to keep working like a complete maniac.

Thanks for the comments. The Money Board seemed to be the place to post this due to the preponderance of goal-oriented people. When you have been firing at those tough goals for a long time, it can disorienting to reach them and wonder how to redirect or refocus the energy.

ETA: NC_Tigah, Meauxjeaux, and Reubaltaich - completely agree with your points as well.