The Negatiger: LSU’s Confounding Fifth Column
By Chris Warner
December 3, 2012

During the Spanish Civil War between the Fascists and the Communists in 1936, the City of Madrid, Spain was surrounded by four columns of Fascists troops, led by General Franco. Prior to the siege, the Communist commander inside Madrid was asked if the four columns outside the city worried him. The commander replied that the four columns outside Madrid’s walls “did not concern him as much as the fifth column inside the walls—the unrecognizable traitors within their own ranks.”

Much like the Communists in Madrid, Les Miles and the LSU Football Program are concerned with their own fifth column, a subversive group of misguided people with an Internet connection, a computer, a keyboard and a mouse; who act traitorously, out of a secret sympathy for a known enemy of LSU.

Lurking anonymously in cyberspace, these cowards are the wretched Negatigers, whose animus knows no bounds for all things Tiger successful, all things scintillating purple and all things glittering gold. These are the “fans” that predict and cheer LSU losses, those who jeer after hard-fought wins, citing a lack of style points for their critical angst. These are the worst type of LSU fans—worse than the ones who leave early, and come late. In fact, Negatigers are not true Tiger fans. Most never attended LSU and have no claim to the Ole War Skule other than the tattered beefy tee shirt on their hunched backs. There is no place among a modern football dynasty for Negatigers; their thoughtless existence only undermines the lofty goal.

In this exclusive, one-of-a-kind, holiday column we will focus on the curmudgeon that is the elusive Negatiger; we will consider these miserable people’s true origins, their regular faulty logic and their relentless assault on the record-setting tenure of head coach Les Miles as he leads LSU through an unprecedented golden age of Tiger Football. Further, we will preview LSU’s upcoming bowl game against Clemson in the Georgia Dome on New Year’s Eve, considering the Tigers winning chances after a much-needed month of rest and recuperation.

“Miles the Idiot”

It was announced Sunday evening that Nick Saban’s Crimson Tide is on its way to a third national championship game in four years. They will face Notre Dame. They are a prohibitive favorite, as the SEC has won an unthinkable six straight national titles. LSU fans know this could have easily been them. They were oh-so close.

Nevertheless, the sun came up today in Baton Rouge, Louisiana, that bastion of American college football prominence. A marmalade dawn signaled the continuance of the Miles Dynasty, that fabled romp into the heather fields of perennial top five finishes, double-digit wins and dominating bowl performances...a gaudy winning percentage of .815. But, still, only a faithful few LSU fans are brave enough to follow Miles into this bright new world forged during LSU's modern athletic golden age...an age fraught with a tide of negativism…brought on by the dreadful Negatiger.

In the Negatiger’s dim world view, Miles is an idiot, a dolt; admittedly a pace ahead of the mark set by Curley Hallman and Gerry DiNardo, but far behind the lead established by his noble predecessor, the Midget from Morgantown, Nick Saban.

How does one deal with such mighty ignorance? As puzzling as it is oxymoronic, you don’t. You move on and ignore it. LSU Football is hardly broken. History proves it.

Mature Tiger fans remember the dismal 1990’s, that unprecedented decade of athletic decadence in Baton Rouge. Six straight losing seasons in football were as intolerable as consecutive Obama terms to a tea party republican. Things were a far cry from what they are now. This was not a long time ago. It was painful.

By the hardest, LSU pulled itself out of its self-imposed gridiron morass. Three football coaching hires post Curley Hallman, coupled with an unprecedented expansion of athletic facility development and an equally impressive era of good politics, have produced an LSU athletic department that annually competes among the nation’s best, and an elite football program that continues to be in the hunt for conference and national championships.

LSU’s athletic department experienced an upheaval during the early 1980’s. Corruption in the football concession and ticket offices and a troubled coaching tenure of Jerry Stovall necessitated a change. Bob Brodhead, who had previously worked in the Miami Dolphin administration, was hired as athletic director. Brodhead’s presence modernized the LSU athletic department and made it competitive both athletically and financially, winning the Bernie Moore Trophy in 1986, four years after his hiring.

Bob Brodhead’s philosophy on winning was simple. If you coached for him, you had to annually “be in the hunt.” What Bob meant by that was that you had to annually be knocking on the door of a conference championship. You had to be competitive.

Bob Brodhead was a visionary. He envisioned implementing seat licensing long before it was finally completed. He brought in Tigervision before the explosion of college athletics on cable television. He also hired several future Hall of Fame coaches who won many championships for LSU.

LSU kicked arse under Bob Brodhead, but his Camelot was short-lived. In the end Bob Brodhead, and LSU’s athletic department, succumbed to outside political forces that cared more about the perks of office than a winning athletic program. This stark contrast in leadership and management ensured LSU’s precipitous fall to the unforgivable status of league also-ran.

While Bob Brodhead was LSU A.D. there remained a core of the previous regime’s followers within the ranks of the athletic department personnel. Like a veritable fifth column, they existed to undermine the Brodhead administration, with the hope that their partisan group would one day soon regain power. Bob Brodhead had to deal with this treacherous political element from day one at LSU; and in the end, these powerful few detractors were his undoing.

LSU has finally gotten things right. Skip Bertman was a critical A.D. hire at the right time. A former coach who had to fight for his programs, Skip knew what the LSU athletic programs needed, and he also knew that meddling politics prevented coaches from winning championships. The luster of the title of “King of College Baseball” preceded Skip; and it helped him transition into the role of a fantastic athletic director for Louisiana State University when it could ill-afford to return to its old ways.

LSU is in the midst of a golden age of Tiger athletics. Younger Tiger fans used to microwaving their lunch and Internet dating are uneducated about Tiger athletic history. They are tragically unaware of the nadir of the Joe Dean administration, and the continual losing that punctuated it.

Despite what the Negatigers preach, Les Miles is not the problem at LSU. The only problem LSU now has is a recalcitrant, childish group of so-called fans who want to see LSU fail. These are the Negatigers. They long to return to the malaise of the Hallman years. Nothing would make them happier than to see LSU fail. Look out for them. They are energy thieves of the highest order; those with the faint potential to bring down the LSU Football Program, returning it to the firm control of the good ole boys and their proven losing ways.

LSU Versus Clemson in the Chick-Fil-A Bowl (Formerly Peach Bowl)

I guess for the sake of cows everywhere it could be labeled the “Traditional Values” Bowl, but that might be a bit much, even for the misguided NCAA. Nomenclature and politics aside, the matchup between the two teams claiming to be Tigers looks to be a good one for an exciting New Year’s Eve.

William Christopher “Dabo” Swinney seems to be a nice guy. I guess it is just unfortunate he has become the arch-rival of the “Evil Genius” Steve Spurrier. In an almost childish way, Darth Visor continues to hurl veiled insults and back-handed compliments toward the younger Clemson coach. The feud seems to only grow each year, evidenced by what happened after Marcus Lattimore’s college career-ending injury.

Like so many other coaches and players across the country, Dabo Swinney had fine things to say about Lattimore and his competitiveness, and basically called him a classy player. Swinney’s comments were commendable, and welcomed.

Spurrier commented on Swinney’s outpouring of sympathy toward his player:

“A lot of quotes came across the nation. I read one today from the head coach of our Upstate school. You know that school that used to beat us a lot but doesn’t beat us much anymore. Usually, when that coach up there talks about South Carolina, it’s a bunch of garbage and a bunch of BS, usually. But I have to agree with him on what he said the other day. He said ‘Marcus Lattimore stands for what’s right about college football.'”

Naturally, Swinney responded during his weekly radio call-in show:

"I don’t really have a comment other than I’m embarrassed for him. That would be about the only thing I have to say about that.”

He later told members of the media that he took what Spurrier said as a compliment:

“People just need to kind of back off the ledge. Personally, I really think he was trying to pay me a compliment. I think. I think. I know there was a roundabout way of getting there, kind of like me telling my wife, ‘I think you should wear this dress. This dress looks great on you. You don’t look near as fat in that dress.’”

And with that dubious last line Dabo removed all doubt about his ability to clearly think about what he is going to say before he utters it.

This game should come down to coaching. I give LSU the edge based on simple logic. Steve Spurrier owns Dabo Swinney. Les Miles owns Steve Spurrier. Continue the sequence.

Until next time…

*Chris Warner is the author and publisher of over twenty books, including “A Tailaters’ Guide to SEC Football Vol. III,” “The Wagon to Disaster,” “The Ulysses Long Story,” and “Bushwhacked at the Flora-Bama.” He is currently working on “Inside the Eye of the Tiger,” due out next year. He is a double graduate of LSU. His first novel, “The Tiger Among Us,” an international terrorism thriller, is set at LSU in 1990.