The Day My Fandom Died

I was standing in line at the Winn-Dixie when I heard the news. The guy in front of me saw my LSU shirt, and said, "Did you hear? Cowherd just said LSU football isn't any good." I grabbed the candy rack to steady myself (I felt faint.)

But the man wasn't finished. "Jason Sehorn said the same thing this morning on channel 320. Or maybe it was channel 321."

I was reeling. How could I go on? I wasn't sure who Jason Sehorn was ... I was pretty sure he was a former white cornerback in the NFL who had married a model... maybe the only white cornerback in NFL history, so he probably wasn't that good.

But I wondered, how can I go home now and look my wife in the eye? My kids?

I manned up. Steeled my resolve. Only to learn, LSU would be playing in a garbage bowl game. Oh, the shame! I'm sure this means something different to every LSU fan out there. For me, it means I can't go to my family reunion in Tennessee, and look my cousin in the eye, who will mercilessly yell "Rawl Todd" at me (you see, he is a huge Bama fan; he didn't graduate from Alabama; in fact, has never been to a game and buys his Bama shirts at Walsmart, but he bleeds red and white. Well, I guess most of us do, huh?)

I am on suicide watch. I will not accept mediocrity from a college football team. I cannot. I will not.

I wept.