1,000,000 Reasons to Hate Alabama

REASON #48,307 TO HATE ALABAMA –

“Rock and Roll, Part II”.

The fail is strong in this one. It’s a clichéd “stadium anthem” by a one hit wonder whose other claim to fame is that he is a child molester. But here’s where it really reflects poorly on Alabama – the “We just beat the hell out of you” chant.

This wasn’t something Bama started when they were, for lack of a better word, “rolling” under Saban. They did it after dominating six-point wins over Houston and Colorado!


REASON(s) #5 and 7 TO HATE ALABAMA –

Two distinct yet equally offensive groups which form a large portion of the fanbase.

The neo-con faux-elite who refers to the school simply as “University”. Prior to 2007 they were hard to spot as their primary identification with the school on their vehicle was a barely visible, silver-gray “ University of Alabama Alumni ” license plate cover. Then, little “S – The Coach” stickers began populating the back windows of their SUVs in an obvious attempt at conspicuous consumption. After a win, their vehicles will also be adorned with all sorts of temporary car flags and magnets.

The second group is the “dirt road” alumni, who drive around in their beat up pickup trucks and 1984 Chevy Celebrities. Prior to 2007, they were also noted for only being identified by tobacco-stained 1979 National Champion bumper stickers on their cars, but they too added the “S-The Coach” sticker to their back window in the midst of a circle where they cleared the dirt off. Many of these fans have never set foot in Bryant-Denny Stadium, much less on the campus of the University.



REASON #192,012 TO HATE ALABAMA –

The “Do Over”.

Alabama may well have been the best team in 2012, but they should go down in history as the most undeserving champion in the BCS era. Under a system where supposedly “every game counts” LSU’s win at Alabama on November 5, 2011 didn’t. Immediately after the game Bama’s coaches and players spouted a litany of excuses. The national media, who had egg on their face after picking Bama, began hyping the Crimson Tide back up.

This isn’t to say that Oklahoma State was more deserving that Bama. Using the “eyeball” test Bama was better, and the “quality” of the loss also favored the Tide (although people seemed quick to dismiss that OSU was playing on the road in the wake of a tragedy at the school). The fact that OSU had played a tougher schedule was ignored.

The team that this situation was “unfair” to was LSU. The Tigers were “rewarded” by having to play an extra game and being put in a place where they had to beat a team twice, rendering their win meaningless.


Now, you may say “why hate Alabama for this…it was the media and BCS posters who did it”.

Well, it’s the total lack of humility on the part of Gump Nation that stemmed from the denial after last November and even continues through today. Don’t believe me, read their words –

“LSU is the SEC championship team or whatever, and not us; we’re just the national championship team,” Alabama wide receiver Kevin Norwood said on Monday.


REASON #27 TO HATE ALABAMA–

“Miles only won with Saban’s Recruits”

This is wrong on so many levels. Start with the standard we judge both Saban and Miles by. Saban won a national championship in his fourth year at LSU. Was that because of Dinardo’s recruits being seniors and red-shirt juniors? Same thing at Alabama where Saban won a championship in his third year – was that because of Shula’s recruits?

Saban was 30-9 in his final three seasons at LSU with “his recruits”. In his first three seasons with “Saban’s Recruits”, Les Miles was 34-6. Seems like ole Les was better with Saban’s recruits than Saban was.


REASON #7488 TO HATE ALABAMA –

“Bama owns LSU”

Really? Last 20 meetings, LSU leads 11-9 vs. Alabama . In the last 30 years it’s 15-15-1.


REASON #957,100 TO HATE ALABAMA –

Their radio call in show is called “Hey Coach”, an apropos yet a sad reminder of the simple-mindedness of their fanbase.

“Uh, hey coach, this is Bubba from Eutaw calling…we lub you and Rowull Todd Rowull”


REASON #6628 TO HATE ALABAMA –

Brian Downing aka “The Teabagger”

Not sure what ya’ll do for fun in Lee County on a Saturday Night…but I don’t want any part of it. Hey, maybe he can share a cell with Jordan Jefferson?


REASON #75,435 TO HATE ALABAMA –

Coachfran.com is down!


The Gumps ran him off to Texas A&M where he of course failed miserably, and there went those great Fridays with Fran musings. Now if you go to the website all you see is pornuh….uh, wait a minute…I withdraw this hatred.

(Warning: I didn’t really click the link, and I’m not gonna as it’s likely NSFW)


REASON #554,397 TO HATE ALABAMA –

LSU plays SEC East power Florida every year as its permanent opponent. Other than the fact that they are permanent opponents, there is no tradition as such between the two schools. Who do the Gumps get? Tennessee , because it’s their “tradition”. In 2012 when we added two new teams to the league LSU faced South Carolina this season and visits Georgia next….meanwhile Bama gets Missouri and Kentucky .

Tradition is great, but when it gives one team a consistent competitive advantage it’s wrong. Makes you want to ask where’s that SEC office located again?


REASON #205 TO HATE ALABAMA –

The way Vern Lundquist says “Al-uh-bam-uh”. It makes him, and them, even more annoying. And while you’re at it Vern, we’re LSU, not Lou-weeeeezy-ann-uh State.


REASON #724,999 TO HATE ALABAMA –

Hats comprised of laundry detergent and toilet paper.

We see what you’re doing there, but find it ironic that’s the only use you’ve come up with for those two products in the State of Alabama .

Fugly uniforms...

hum...perhaps you should revisit your fanhood if you think bama hatred is "too long" to read on a day like today.

Dorky thread is dorky