Dating a girls (serious) with kids, in your 30's. - Page 3 - TigerDroppings.com

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shutterspeed
Southern Miss Fan
Da Sipp
Member since May 2007
32499 posts

re: Dating a girls (serious) with kids, in your 30's.


You will never be their disciplinarian. The sooner you realize this, the better your chance of a lasting marriage will be. Your wife will have to discipline her own kids; therefore, you both better be on the same page about behavior/discipline before walking down the aisle.

Also, make sure you understand that these kids will suck up your resources. Doesn't sound like much now, but they will be wanting cars, medical/dental needs, college, etc. You will be footing the bill for this. Your wife's resources will be funneled to them as well. Best to lay this out on the table now as well.

In short, while they may be great kids to hang out with, they can quickly become the catalyst that destroys a marriage.






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windshieldman
New Orleans Saints Fan
Member since Nov 2012
1076 posts

re: Dating a girls (serious) with kids, in your 30's.


quote:

Also,makesureyou understand that these kids will suck up your resources. Doesn't sound like much now, but they will be wanting cars, medical/dentalneeds, college, etc. You will be footing the bill for this. Your wife'sresourceswill befunneled to them aswell. Best to lay this out on the table now as well.


Yea, child support from wife's ex is always nice Of course it stops at 18.






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NastyTiger
UConn Fan
Hammond/Baton Rouge/Lafayette
Member since Jun 2005
9068 posts

re: Dating a girls (serious) with kids, in your 30's.


Does first name start with a 'T'?






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shutterspeed
Southern Miss Fan
Da Sipp
Member since May 2007
32499 posts

re: Dating a girls (serious) with kids, in your 30's.


Also, kids use, break, and otherwise dispose of your property with little regard for your thoughts. It will irritate the hell out of you. This is bound to be a pretty big transition for a single guy jumping right into a family with kids.


This post was edited on 3/15 at 11:29 pm


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jimbeam
USA Fan
University of LSU
Member since Oct 2011
27050 posts
 Online 

re: Dating a girls (serious) with kids, in your 30's.








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USMCTiger03
LSU Fan
Member since Sep 2007
61505 posts

re: Dating a girls (serious) with kids, in your 30's.


Honestly, as a father of 2 young kids, I get the feeling from reading your post that you're already in the right place, mentally and emotionally, for this.

quote:

I just am uncomfortable being a "step-dad". I like having 'ready-made' kids, but I don't know if I could be an authority figure. I would rather be like the cool uncle
Respect goes a long way...kids know it when you respect them and you act accordingly and they will you. It's hard to raise kids without being authoritative, but with the right outlook, you can do it the right way.






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Grizzly
Southern Cal Fan
Member since Oct 2012
1776 posts

re: Dating a girls (serious) with kids, in your 30's.


quote:

I just am uncomfortable being a "step-dad". I like having 'ready-made' kids, but I don't know if I could be an authority figure. I would rather be like the cool uncle (not the weird one that you don't trust your kids with)


Then walk away if you can't accept the responsibility.

Kids need structure and you may think it's great you are the cool one, but as they grow and take advantage of that you will rue the day. You can still be a a dad that has a great relationship and providing parameters and structure doesn't always equate to being a warden.

You would be doing them, their mother, and you a great disservice if you don't go into this with the intent of fathering the children in a positive, sensible, and sometimes strict manner.
You may not be their biological father, but you can end up being an influential parent that they love as much or more. You try to be the cool dude and you will end up being disrespected in the long run.

One other thing. You must learn to accept them as your kids especially if you do have one with their mother. They must think they are no different than the one of your loins. My daughters love their step dad like they love me. He was a good father to them and he treated them as if they were his own. It was tough for me at first, but I learned to appreciate the kind of man that could treat my children as I would. Good luck






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Macavity92
LSU Fan
Member since Dec 2004
3537 posts

re: Dating a girls (serious) with kids, in your 30's.


I have a step daughter. My wife is a step mom to my two kids. You have to treat step kids as if they were your biological kids. Any other way and it does not work.





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Weaver
Southeastern LA Fan
Mandeville, LA
Member since Nov 2005
21074 posts

re: Dating a girls (serious) with kids, in your 30's.


Did it. My gf was 27 and had a 5 year old and 4 year old. 14 years later still together. Youngest one idolizes me and I do get along with the oldest too but she is quiet. Been a big part of my life and wouldn't change it for nothing. I was 24 at the time





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DriveByBBQ
USA Fan
Willard's Garage
Member since Jan 2011
4173 posts

re: Dating a girls (serious) with kids, in your 30's.


quote:

I have been dating this woman, she is 31 I am 32. She is a divorcee with a four year ol and a six year old. We dated for four months before I met the kids. I have never done this before, and the last time there was a thread like this I said I never would.










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cpaulk
LSU Fan
denham springs
Member since Dec 2007
342 posts

re: Dating a girls (serious) with kids, in your 30's.


My "step DAD " was more of a dad to me than
my father, so I say if you are game the kids will be too. In time they know who cares. not saying you couldn't have problems.kids know who love them
but,if you share them then it different. some splits are nasty and it depends on your girl.
what has she said about the dad and does she respect him ,and their reason for spliting up?






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cpaulk
LSU Fan
denham springs
Member since Dec 2007
342 posts

re: Dating a girls (serious) with kids, in your 30's.


bud light grammer BTW






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cpaulk
LSU Fan
denham springs
Member since Dec 2007
342 posts

re: Dating a girls (serious) with kids, in your 30's.


but it can work if yall are both all in.






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horndog
LA-Monroe Fan
Member since Apr 2007
10696 posts

re: Dating a girls (serious) with kids, in your 30's.


After re-thinking your situation, I've changed my mind and think it will work.





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MadDoggyStyle
Mississippi St. Fan
Member since Feb 2012
1088 posts

re: Dating a girls (serious) with kids, in your 30's.


You are the sugar daddy to her and her kids. Don't be a chump.





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Mr.Wolf
solving problems
Member since Nov 2012
1840 posts

re: Dating a girls (serious) with kids, in your 30's.


Havent read any of this thread besides OP.

My brother just recently (little over a year ago) became a stepdad. The little girl was almost 1 when they got together and is almost 4 now. He jumped right in and is definitely the authority figure. I had to live with them for a short time, and now, even I dont have a problem disciplining her.

Its all about how you handle it. He's never over the top with her, but when she doesnt listen she gets fussed at (or spanked) and gets her feelings hurt. They will respect you for it in the long run, which IMO, is the ultimate goal.



This post was edited on 3/16 at 12:31 am


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biglego
LSU Fan
your mom knows
Member since Nov 2007
17906 posts

re: Dating a girls (serious) with kids, in your 30's.


I would seriously advise a man to never date a woman with kids. Women are nuts and if things go sour you better hope she don't turn evil and accuse you if touching the kid. Happens all the time.





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Napoleon
New Orleans Saints Fan
Member since Dec 2007
31224 posts

re: Dating a girls (serious) with kids, in your 30's.


quote:


Also, make sure you understand that these kids will suck up your resources. Doesn't sound like much now, but they will be wanting cars, medical/dental needs, college, etc. You will be footing the bill for this. Your wife's resources will be funneled to them as well. Best to lay this out on the table now as well.


thanks guys, feels better.

I think she reads my posts on TD. I'm not hiding anything though.



This post was edited on 3/16 at 12:55 am


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Napoleon
New Orleans Saints Fan
Member since Dec 2007
31224 posts

re: Dating a girls (serious) with kids, in your 30's.


quote:

Does first name start with a 'T'?







I'm Zach btw.




This post was edited on 3/16 at 1:01 am


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The People
New Orleans Saints Fan
LSU Alumni
Member since Aug 2008
2006 posts
 Online 

re: Dating a girls (serious) with kids, in your 30's.


I was you, 3 years ago. I am amazed every day how easy it has been to make it work.

Started dating her after years of being consumed in my career and habitually single (I was 28 at the time).

I passed on starting serious relationships with a lot of great women when I was just getting out of college. Before I met her, I would have been the first guy to tell others that there wasn't a chance in hell I would cash in all the time and effort I spent setting myself up for success later in life for a girl who had "baggage" or children from a previous relationship.

Looking back now, I never had a choice in the matter. Sure, as a single bachelor with no kids and financial independence I am not suprised I thought I wanted someone from a similar path. I am thankful every day a greater good saw something in who I was to lead me to her.

Both of her girls, now 11 and 5 years old, are awesome. I enjoy spending time with them and learning how to be a good father before their mother and I have one together. Having them around over these years has taught me so much and I know will only make me and even better father when one of my own comes.

I guess if I could give you any advice from where I am, if it is meant to be it will all just work out. If you find yourself constantly making sacrifices you don't feel are worth it, chances are this wasn't in your cards.

Either way, best of luck. You sound like you are a good man. Give it a chance.



This post was edited on 3/16 at 1:12 am


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