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We've been trying to tell these bitches for months

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The pelican will eat as much as four pounds of fish per day, nearly half its body weight. Its bloodlust is insatiable. It wants to kill you and everyone you've ever cared about. Don't believe me? Here's a pelican eating baby ducklings. And because that's not cruel enough, it makes their mother watch.

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Pelicans will bite an old man in the crotch

Twice, in fact. Too bad Chris Paul doesn’t still play for New Orleans. That’s a man who can respect a good crotch attack.

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Here's a New York Times story from 1910, about a "marauding weasel" that found its way into the pigeon coop at the Central Park Zoo. Did the zoo's pelicans, Hildalgo Pete, Signor Gomez, and Sanchez Hoolihoo, run away? Did they stare helplessly as the weasel trespassed on their property and helped itself to a meal? They did not. They chased the weasel away from the pigeons, and cornering it against a mesh fence, beat it to death. "Even after the animal was dead the two pelicans…kept jabbing their bills at it."

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