frick me y'all
It's not that bad. Seriously - Download Malwarebytes and Spybot, install them with the updates, unhook from the internet... Reboot and run them. Both programs only run when you want them to and won't hog resources. Each will take about 25-20 apiece to do a comprehensive scan and you'll be better off for it. I do it every so often whether I've experienced a threat or not.