re: At what age did you get into jam bands

I actually saw 4-5 black dudes during the southern run.

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I actually saw 4-5 black dudes during the southern run.

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One of my best friends is a black dude that has seen way way more shows than I have.

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One of my best friends is a black dude

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Is his name Token?

Started jamming Panic at 14

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To preface: I'm 17, was fairly mentally sound before this experience although I was seeing a therapist for anxiety and obsessive thoughts. Sorry about the wall of text. You don't need to read it, it just feels good to write it down.

6 months ago I decided that I would take a small amount of shrooms and go for a walk in some freshly fallen snow after returning home from school. I ate approx. .5 grams that I had acquired from a friend and set out through my neighborhood. Now I had tripped twice before this, once on 1 gram and once on 5. Both of those experiences were wonderful and I expected nothing less from this one. I mean .5 is hardly anything compared to 5 grams right? Wrong. Not when your friend makes a mistake when informing you what strain they are. So I unknowingly ingested around 3 or so grams worth of shrooms when I expected a mere minor change in headspace.

Long story short, I had a panic attack during the come up and was left disoriented and frightened. Got lost, got caught by parents and ultimately had a train wreck of a night. But surprisingly, that wasn't the traumatic part of the experience. The part that still haunts me half a year later. During the peak, I felt a terror greater than anything I could ever even begin to describe. Everything I knew and loved, family, friends, memories, everything, was torn away. All was lost. All was hollow. I became the only conscious being in existence and the room around me existed as nothing more than a facade, covering up incomprehensible emptiness. This was a theme I had experienced in the prior trips but I never read too much into it however this time, being so vulnerable, I was unable to face it nor push it away. I broke down, I simply couldn't stand it, I distracted myself in every way possible until I eventually came down and went to sleep. Well, it didn't go away. Derealization, hourly panic attacks, suicidal depression, cutting, all this resulted from a trip that was too overwhelming to face. I dropped out of school for a month, was in and out of the ER for suicide attempts, was put on Seroquel, Celexa, and Ativan. Nothing helped. I spent 3 weeks living in an inpatient home and have tried several other different antidepressants over the course of the last 6 months. I was living in pure hell. The feelings of hollowness and detachment have still not broken. I even lost my virginity during this period and felt absolutely nothing. Friendships and relationships have been destroyed, my family has pretty much given up hope on me. I was a straight A student until this happened and now my parents figure I'll be lucky to get a job as a cashier because of my emotional instability. I haven't done anything hallucinogenic since that bad trip, however I have smoked weed on occasion (I've given it up as it makes anxiety worse) and I don't plan on it so please don't advise me to "trip again."

I recently stopped Prozac and Ativan and have been doing surprisingly well. None of these medications did anything to help, they just made me more numb so I'm currently discounting them from my treatment plan. I'm seeing a therapist who is working with me on sorting out the trip as I have been diagnosed with PTSD from it. I'm posting here as a plea for help. I'm young, I have my whole life ahead of me, but at this moment in time it doesn't look too bright. I know I was stupid and irresponsible with that drug and I curse myself everyday for it. I need advice from people who are understanding, who have gone through this and who don't think I'm schizophrenic for having derealization and HPPD. How can I start life over? I realize this is a big question but I'm only looking for little answers. Things you've done to help in the darkest times that I can give a shot.

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Back in 92 when I was 17 this crunchy brah I worked with at a local deli gave me a Phish bootleg tape. Went to HORDE that summer. He started giving me all kinds of Phish and Panic bootlegs.


Jam bands peaked in the late-90's though. Sorry if you're too young and missed it.

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I'm 19 and right now I find them deplorable maybe in 15-20 years I will be into that funk and will start attending those shows

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No, you'll be the same idiot with shite taste in poser rap music

So I know Dicks was like 2 weeks ago but this is the first time I have been allowed on a computer so let me vent a little bit about how Dicks literally turned out to be the worst weekend of my life.

The first night of Alpharetta was my phirst show. Some of you may remember I posted a review on it a while back. Well, needless to say after not being able to attend the second show (was kind of glad I missed it because of all the rain) I was super pumped to be going to Dicks.

I did all the prep work before hand. Booked my flight off of Expedia & my rental car off of Priceline. The plan was I was going to fly solo into Denver. I have never been to Denver before so got an early flight on Thursday so I could check out the city before I drove to Commerce City. Yes I knew it would be long drive but I thought it would be worth it.

OK, so what you should know before I go any furthur is this - my parent's are really strict and there is no way they would ever allow me to go to Denver or even Phish for that matter. Especially by myself. But I'm just like "F" that I'm an adult I can do what I want so I told them I was going to the beach with one of my friends so nobody had any idea I was even going except for my friend Daryl.

(OK, I'm taking a break from typing but will finish the story in a few - don't worry its not that long)

OK so I get to Denver early on Thursday and immediately go to Hertz where I have PRE-PAID my car rental through Priceline. Before I go any futhur let me also just say that I hope no one here ever uses Hertz because they are the biggest POS company I have ever met in my life.

Anyway, I show them my confirmation that I have printed out and everything is going good so then she asks me for my license. I hand over my license and the clerk (who was black and a mega-bitch) looks at it for like 5 seconds and hands it back and "I can't let you get this car". At first I thought she was joking so I was all like "Oh OK, whatever" but then she goes on to tell me that you have to be 25 in New York to rent a car.

Well I start freaking out and wanting to know how they can deny me a car when I have already PRE-PAID for it on Priceline. The stupid clerk calls her manager who takes her side and basically tells me there is nothing I can do and that if I booked it through Priceline that I must have checked a box or something stating that I was 25. Well, I told them I didn't remember checking any box and after about 30 minutes of arguing I said screw it and decided I would try a different agency.

So long story short I spend about 2 hours waiting in lines at different agencies and on the phone with Priceline (who says the only thing they can do is is give me a refund) but eventually am told by everyone that I am S.O.L.

And let me just interject something here really quick. I see a lot of people on this board talk about how much the South sucks. Well let me tell you this, the West really sucks. Not ONE single person in this whole ordeal was even remotely nice and all I got was responses like "just take a cab". Whatever.

Anyway, so I finally give up and just decide I will go to ground transportation and look for someone to hitch a ride with. I figure there will be plenty of phans planning the same idea as me. So I hung out there for a long time and basically approached everyone who I thought might be there for Phish.

This part is kind of funny though...apparently a lot of foreign people have dreadlocks and look like they should be at Phish shows too because like 1/2 the people I asked weren't even from the US.

Anyway, I finally found one guy with his girlfriend who did say they were going but they "didn't have room". Well, I hope those people weren't PT'ers because I went off on them and started yelling so really stupid stuff but in all honestly I'm not that upset because my guess was they DID have room and I thought this scene was about peace and helping your brothers out but NO not with these two. Anyway that was my one shot and they just wouldn't listen to reason.

OK, before I go on anymore let me clear a couple of things up.

1) Screw whoever that was who posted that old thread I was like 13 when I posted that (check the date) so its not like that is something recent.

2) Those who have pointed out that you can rent a car under 25 in New York are right. I forgot to tell that part. Basically what Hertz said was they could not honor it at the Priceline price and I would have to pay extra. Well, I couldn't afford extra because by credit card (only have one) was almost maxed out. Thats why I got on the phone with Priceline to try and get a refund but they said it would take 5-7 business days to go through. Sorry I didn't go into more detail.

OK, so this is getting close to the end but basically after looking all afternoon for a ride I just say screw it I am going to get a hotel for the night and try to figure it out from there. I jump in a cab and honestly I had no idea where to go so I just told the cab driver to take me to LoDo because I know that is a highly populated area with lots of tourists so I figured there would be some hotel options there.

We get to Times Square and the freaking cab cost like $45. I had only brought $300 total in cash because my plan was to stop at a Wal-Mart on the way & buy a small tent/supplies and go into the festy with enough cash to last 3-4 days. So now I'm down to like $250 on the stupid cab ride and I start walking around.

I will say this, Times Square was really cool but I didn't get to enjoy it. So the first hotel I find is like $350 which is more money than I have any way. The second one is called St. James Hotel and it is like $250 + tax. Well, at this point I pretty much know I'm screwed. Its getting dark so finally I just break down and call my Mom.

Sorry its taking me so long to type. Usually if I am posting a story, or analysis of song lyrics, or a show review I will type it in work first and then copy an paste but this time I am typing it on the fly.

Anyway, I'll try to keep it shorter. My Mom is SUPER PISSED. She calls the St. James hotel and gets me a room for the night on her card. She also books me the first flight back to Birmingham in the morning and gives the hotel clerk specific instructions to call me a cab in the morning back to the airport.

I really don't have any other options so I take the flight back to Birmingham. My Mom and Step-Dad are there and they really lay into me. Long story short I was going to be able to get my own apartment in the Fall if I agreed to go to college at the University of Alabama but now they are going to make me stay at home and go to a Community College. I pretty much have no freedoms what so ever.

Worst of all I had to sit back and watch the setlist roll in and the shows looked amazing. I missed what would have been an amazing experience. The only good part is that Phish wouldn't be touring much after the second leg so I won't be missing much while I'm stuck here at home. So yes, Dicks was pretty much the worst weekend of my life. End of story.

PS - I know, I know...sweet blahg & KMS.

I could have totally made it on $300 for the weekend.

$50 Gas
$30 Tent at Wal-Mart
$10 Cheap cooler
$50 Non-perishable food and water

That still leaves $160 to rage with at the shows.

Also, to all those saying I should "just leave home".

I highly doubt you understand the details of my situation. Lets just say when I turn 25 I am going to be set for life but until then I pretty much have to do whatever my parents say so I'm not going to screw up a lifetime of doing whatever I want for a few years of it. I know how to play the game.

The disco biscuits are very juvenile. Their music is all surface, and no substance. They use alot of "pretty" sounds, and employ some clever gimmicks that work well on a superficial level. Especially if you are on drugs. The fast tempo, strobing lights, and synth sounds really get those tweaked out receptors firing.

But beneath all of that; it's soul-less. Empty. You just keep that bass drum thumping on all four beats, keep the tempo around 125-130, repeat a very simplistic five note riff ad-naseum, and then speed up and get loud when you want it to "peak."

All of the poor souls who think they are hearing something interesting talk about how great they are at the segue ... refusing to admit how ridiculously similar all of their songs are. It's not much of a segue if you stay at the exact same tempo (and often times the same key) while switching to another song that has no words, and is the same style and feel as the last song you just "segued" out of.

No one in the band really has much talent as a musician - and the stuff they play doesn't require them to. They stick to a very cliché formula. Their original compositions are laughable. The last time I was forced to listen to some "nasty new bisco," somebody put on "MEMPHIS" and I was just shocked at how stupid it was: structurally, lyrically, and vocally - so childish and boring on all fronts. And this isn't even one of their "untz" songs. The "jam" tagged on to the end of it was one chord, the entire time. And this isn't even one of their "untz" songs.

About ten minutes in, the bisco fans in the room got very excited when the jam "took off".

In reality, all that happened was the keyboard player switched from piano to a synth sound, the guitar player started doubling the bass-line, and the drummer gradually sped up. Eventually the keyboard player switched to the "bird-noises" patch, and this really sent everyone into an uproar.

Eventually the "jam" reached full UNTZ mode, and became the standard biscuits jam. But nothing interesting ever happened ... and nothing ever does.

Back to the point at hand, needless to say when you quit materbating it really is all you can think about. I admit, I have to cheat a little. I don't look at porn anymore but sometimes when the urge gets to be too much I play with it right until the point I am about to blow and then just stop. I only let myself get to the point where it starts to tingle...I have excellent self control and have not ever accidentally blown a load.

The one drawback is I have been waking up at 5 or 5:30 every morning with a massive boner. This is really weird for me because I usually sleep until 10 or 11. The problem is I can't go back to sleep when I have a boner. I have developed a little trick to help with this. I sleep naked so I roll over on my stomach and posistion my dick so it is pointing up to my belly button. I then push my toes up and down which makes the head of my penis run against the sheets. You would be amazed at how quickly you can cum just by doing this and usually after that happens my wood goes down and I am able to sleep. I know some will call this cheating but I have two counterpoints. 1) I am like half asleep when this happens so it is basically like a wet dream and 2) I use no part of my hand so techinally it is not masterbating.

Ok, so on to the results. I will say they have been subtle. I was at Banana Republic and I handed this very hot worker there back a shirt. I know this seems minor but when she took it from me she definetly rubbed my hand real sexy. I have also noticed other girls complementing me more and making eye contact. I am only on my 5th full day of the 30 days and from what I understand the girls just get crazier and by day 30 you basically have to fight them off. I can't wait!