*The 2012 TD.com Soccer Board 2 Chainz True arse, No Lie Awards Ceremony Thread*

The awards will have to be done in sections.

Club Level awards will begin in approximately 15 minutes.

There will be celebrities.

There will be footballers.

There will be posters.

There will be fistfights.

There will be lame awards show jokes.

There will be Google Images searches.

There will be controversies.

There will be standing ovations.

But, most of all...

There will be 2 CHAINZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the 2012 TD.com Soccer Board 2 Chainz True arse, No Lie Awards Ceremony, presented by Adidas...sold at Champs Sports.

Tonight, today, and tomorrow (?) will be a giant celebration of everything Soccer Board.

Please enjoy the musical stylings of Mr. Chainz during our intermissions, which will break up the different sections of our awards show.

So, without further ado...here are the Club Level Awards...

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2 Chainz

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Good lord, I'm fricking old...

Haidy haidy hai.

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That pic you put in the OP is AMAZING!!!!!

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it´s not enough to write, you´ve got to dominate the graphics.

Presenting the award for BEST TEAM, here is the greatest manager on planet Earth...the legendary Sir Alex Ferguson of Manchester United FC.

Sir Alex Ferguson: “To be call’d tha’ greatest football team in tha’ world is somethin’ ev’ry club strives fer. ‘At’s why we’ve won it 29 straight years, even when tha’ officials shafted us match after match and Ashley Williams started peggin’ our lads in the noggin, ‘bout to kill our best players...we’ve overcome time and time ag’in and are always considered the best.

"So, on behalf of Manchester United, I ‘cept this award...(looks offstage) What? We didn’t win? Ya sayin’ we haven’t bloody won this ‘ward ever? I’m presentin’, not acceptin’?... ‘Go home, I’m drunk?’ What kind of place is this? (steps away from the microphone) Ya mean I’m not at a FA banquet? Well who in the bloody ‘ell have I been sending these checks to? D'ye speck me to sit o’er 'ere and be gabbered aboo' wi' nonsense li' that?”

(PLEASE STAND BY)

















Some Random Guy: “And the winner is...FC Barcelona!”

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FC Barcelona: 60.0%
MLS All-Stars: 15.6%
Chelsea: 8.9%
Bayern Munich: 6.7%
Manchester United: 4.4% (“IT’S A BLOODY CONSPIR’CY!”)
Juventus and Real Madrid: 2.2%

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(Sir Alex continues to scream Scottish gibberish as highlights of Messi and Company roll across the screen. Security takes the red nosed one off-stage. Bho leaps up and screams something like “THE CHAMPIONS OF EUROPE PUT YOU OUT!” Security picks him up from his table on their way out with SAF, royal blue tux and liquor-soaked puffy jacket fading into the darkness.)



And, now, presenting the award for MOST ENTERTAINING TEAM, the most entertaining man in all of soccer...Eddie “Grown arse Man” Johnson of Seattle Sounders FC and the United States Men’s National Team.

GAM: (looks inside envelope, sees that Seattle isn’t the winner)




“...Borussia Dortmund or whatever the f--- their name is.”

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Borussia Dortmund: 31.1%
FC Barcelona: 24.4%
Manchester City: 15.6%
San Jose Earthquakes: 11.1%
Napoli: 6.7%
AS Roma and Stoke City: 4.4%
Manchester United: 2.2%

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(GAM drops the microphone and stares down the crowd as he sidesteps out of view.)



Up next, the MOST UNDERRATED TEAM award. This award is so underrated that we forgot to even invite the nominees. I mean, they’re underrated, right? We should give them more respect, but they slip our minds from time to time. So, just put your hands together for...Juventus.



...wait, we couldn’t even remember to invite one of the most famous teams in European football? No one's going to believe that. Thanks for making this joke fall flat, guys.

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Juventus: 26.7%
Celtic and Everton: 20.0%
Chelsea: 15.6%
Bayer Leverkusen: 11.1%
Houston Dynamo: 6.7%

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(Seriously, what’s an awards show without crappy jokes?)



We continue tonight’s awards ceremony with the MOST DISAPPOINTING TEAM award. Because apparently no one likes handing out awards for disappointments (even Andy Carroll) I’ll just do the honors by announcing the winner...Liverpool.

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Liverpool: 31.1%
Real Madrid: 22.2%
Queens Park Rangers: 17.8%
Chelsea: 11.1%
Arsenal and Newcastle United: 6.7%
Borussia Dortmund: 4.4%

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(Knowing that he has to go back to the Emirates with a trophy of some kind, Arsene Wenger jumps a oddly beaming Brendan Rodgers and wrestles away the award from him. The two managers get in a fistfight on stage, but neither of them has it in them to win the fight. After a few awkward minutes of even fighting, Rodgers and Wenger roll off of the stage and crash through Cristiano Ronaldo’s table. Ronaldo pouts McKayla Maroney Style, upset that he didn’t get an award, either.)



And now, a special video presentation. The following match was able to capture this year’s MATCH OF THE YEAR and BEST COMEBACK awards. Ladies and gentlemen, let’s relive the exciting moments of...Manchester City vs. Queens Park Rangers, the EPL 2011-12 finale!



LINK to Highlights

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Manchester City vs. QPR: 51.1%
Bayern vs. Chelsea: 24.4%
Manchester City vs. Manchester United: 17.8%
Chelsea vs. Napoli: 4.4%
AFC Wimbledon vs. MK Dons: 2.2%

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Manchester City vs. QPR: 44.4%
Chelsea vs. FC Barcelona: 42.2%
Arsenal vs. Reading: 13.3%

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(After the video ends, Sergio Aguero sprints up to the front to accept the awards for Manchester City. But, out of nowhere, a man with a terrible fake accent goes studs up and takes Aguero out before he can get to the stage. It’s Joey Barton! Security promptly red cards him and sends him back to Marseille.)



And, before our first intermission of the ceremony...presenting the award for BIGGEST UPSET...a member of the UK Music and US Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, Mr. Rod Stewart!

Rod Stewart: Thank you, thank you. And...the... (sniffles)...winner...(tears stream down his face)...is...Celtic over Barcelona...someone get me a tissue...(breaks down as the highlights roll)




LINK to Highlights

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Celtic over Barcelona: 46.7%
Chelsea over Barcelona: 28.9%
Bradford City over Arsenal: 20.0%
Ajax over Manchester City: 4.4%

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(TN Bhoy storms the stage and snatches the award out of Neil Lennon’s hands, taking full credit for the upset because, remember...he called it. Security decides not to go after him. Too crazy.)

frick, I was just coming to do this. I'll add a song since WSE is making this go slower than the Grammy's and Oscars combined.

I'm Different

Dope Peddler