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Started By
Message
Cracked: TDKR Article/Rewrite (Long/Spoilers)
Posted on 8/23/12 at 9:55 am
Posted on 8/23/12 at 9:55 am
Cracked, you so funny.
LINK
I'm sorry, I know that once you go to Cracked, that's at least 3 hours of the day you aren't working. My bad.
LINK
quote:
HENCHMAN
You're too late! The progress bar is already full, so whatever that means happened! Maybe we'll find out later, long after the tension of this scene has disappeared!
MATTHEW MODINE
(sucks)
The entire GOTHAM POLICE FORCE chases BAT-BALE, who hops back onto his BALE-POD and speeds away.
POLICE CARS converge on BAT-BALE, but luckily they do so on the exact street where he parked his BRAND NEW FLYING REJECT FROM TRANSFORMERS, so he flies away. Also GOTHAM has no police helicopters.
quote:
MATTHEW MODINE (fricking sucks)
I'm sorry, I know that once you go to Cracked, that's at least 3 hours of the day you aren't working. My bad.
This post was edited on 8/23/12 at 9:57 am
5
Posted on 8/23/12 at 10:17 am to Freauxzen
quote:
I'm glad you're coming back. I know everyone blames you for Eckhart's death, but I know better, because Batman never kills!
CHRISTIAN BALE
Actually, I did kill Aaron Eckhart. People keep acting like I falsely took the blame for that, but it was the murder of cops that I took the blame for. I straight-up shoved Eckhart off a building and he fell to his death.
so true
Posted on 8/23/12 at 10:20 am to Freauxzen
I cannot click that link.
I will spend the rest of the day defending the movie from jokes.
I will spend the rest of the day defending the movie from jokes.
This post was edited on 8/23/12 at 10:21 am
Posted on 8/23/12 at 10:27 am to iwyLSUiwy
quote:
I cannot click that link.
I will spend the rest of the day defending the movie from jokes.
Do it....
Posted on 8/23/12 at 10:30 am to Freauxzen
Uuuggghhh aaahhh ok ok
Posted on 8/23/12 at 10:32 am to iwyLSUiwy
etm will not be pleased that he Cracked was posted by someone else.
Posted on 8/23/12 at 10:34 am to Freauxzen
Ok right off the bat (no pun intended) at the article title. You want something to be 10x shorter and you write an article that needs to be 10x shorter? C'MON MAN
Posted on 8/23/12 at 10:44 am to Freauxzen
quote:
BAT-BALE
Joseph, I need you to free all of the police from the sewers so they can use their years of tactical training to pack themselves into an alleyway and run straight at Tom Hardy's military-equipped army.
Posted on 8/23/12 at 11:03 am to Freauxzen
quote:
Remember how the lasht villain was introduced in a full-head mashk, only revealing hish true face ash he pulled off an overly elaborate plan that involved shacrifiching hish own underlingsh?
Yes because we want all the people in the movie to act like they sat down and watch Batman Begins and The Dark Knight right before the plane scene. That would make for a fun movie.
quote:
But then I realized it would be the films 3rd speech in less than nine hours
O no we can't have three speeches in three long movies, that would ruin the series. We got a badass over here guys.
quote:
underneath
If you're doing the Michael Caine voice then you have to use underneaf it you idiot. Get it right.
quote:
INT Bale Manor
Ok at this point I'm really starting to doubt he's even trying to make the movie shorter.
quote:
CHRISTIAN BALE learns how to be BAT-BALE again, with the aid of a BAT-LEGBRACE for his leg and a BAT-LEGBRACE for his shoulder
Ahh I'm finally starting to get it. He is putting BAT in front of stuff to let you he is applying it to BATMAN stuff. That is funny.
quote:
Holy shite, you kept the fricking voice? Does Christopher Nolan just not have Internet access or something? Has nobody EVER done the "Bale-voice" in front of him?
Christopher Nolan sucks! This franchise blows a big penis! Riot! Riot! Riot!
quote:
The two of them fight side-by-side just long enough for COMIC NERDS to cream their pants but not long enough for REGULAR PEOPLE to realize how stupid what they're watching is.
Show of hands for those that this scene made them do a slap hands to the face in the theatre because of the ridiculousness of this scene? Batman and Catwoman fighting next to each other. That is stupid. I think this guy is missing a huge point of just movies in general, even bad ones. THERE HAVE TO BE SCENES IN A MOVIE.
Here's my impression of this guy making fun of the movi:
INT Batman Walking
"Hey look it's batman walking ON A STREET. He just passed a restaurant , does Batman not get hungry or something? How does he eat? All he can do in the mask is puff his lips out. How would he chew if he needed a snack? You're telling me he's going to jump and fly and land and kick in those black boots? He would have blisters every where. Has he never heard of sketchers shape ups? Can't Lucious make those in black?"
I'm hungry for real though.
This post was edited on 8/23/12 at 11:10 am
Posted on 8/23/12 at 11:15 am to CocomoLSU
quote:this.
etm will not be pleased that he Cracked was posted by someone else.
I was waiting for Cracked to do something on this movie. I can't link at work. But if there is nothing about how someone busted through the stock exchange, hacked into the computers, then all of the sudden all of Wayne's money is gone, yet no one bats an eye except for Lucius and Wayne, then the article is lacking.
Oh yeah and his car gets repoed and his power is turned off in like the same week.
Posted on 8/23/12 at 11:24 am to CocomoLSU
quote:
etm will not be pleased that he Cracked was posted by someone else.
Posted on 8/23/12 at 11:26 am to iwyLSUiwy
You seem pretty sensitive over this
Posted on 8/23/12 at 11:29 am to TulaneTigerFan
You should have seen the fanboys circle the wagon when I pointed out a clear editing flaw in TDK.
Posted on 8/23/12 at 11:40 am to TulaneTigerFan
I defended the movie for like 50+ in TDKR thread so I was mainly just doing this in jest, not letting it go.
Posted on 8/23/12 at 12:27 pm to Freauxzen
quote:
Oh my God, look at the TV! Hardy has released all of Gotham's prisoners except for you-know-who! I dare not speak his name, but he's a smoker and a midnight toker getting his lovin' on the run, if you catch my drift.
Posted on 8/23/12 at 12:40 pm to alajones
quote:
I was waiting for Cracked to do something on this movie. I can't link at work. But if there is nothing about how someone busted through the stock exchange, hacked into the computers, then all of the sudden all of Wayne's money is gone, yet no one bats an eye except for Lucius and Wayne, then the article is lacking.
Oh yeah and his car gets repoed and his power is turned off in like the same week.
You'll be pleased, they mention both:
quote:
TOM HARDY
Transhfer all of thish money to a thing. It will take eight minutesh, which I mention only to create a continuity problem when we transhition from day to night in that shpan of time.
Some MONEY is transferred, but that doesn't matter, what matters is that they escape on MOTORCYCLES!
quote:
CHRISTIAN BALE
Well, I'm still not over Maggie Holmes. But on the other hand, sex.
They do the BATDANCE. Suddenly the ELECTRICITY is turned off.
CHRISTIAN BALE
Oh come on, I went broke like two hours ago! I couldn't have even gotten a bill yet!
Posted on 8/23/12 at 2:35 pm to Freauxzen
quote:
MATTHEW MODINE
(fricking sucks)
Posted on 8/23/12 at 3:03 pm to alajones
quote:
You should have seen the fanboys circle the wagon when I pointed out a clear editing flaw in TDK.
i gotta hear this one. what was it? i've never heard it.
Posted on 8/23/12 at 3:04 pm to TH03
quote:
BAT-BALE
You stole Christian Bale's fingerprints. I'm really, really concerned about him, which should not arouse any suspicion at all.
ANNE HATHAWAY
Christian Bale? The guy who went into seclusion the day you disappeared? And who made an appearance the morning you came out of retirement?
BAT-BALE
Uh ... yeah. You're not piecing things together, are you?
ANNE HATHAWAY
Miraculously, I am not.
Posted on 8/23/12 at 3:04 pm to finchmeister08
quote:
i gotta hear this one. what was it? i've never heard it.
There are at least 3, including the shift from day to night to day during the bank sequence.
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