Too excited. What would you do to instantly warp ahead to kickoff Sept. 3rd.

So I figured I'd start a good humored thread about how ridiculously excited we all are for Saturday.

Now that all the bull shite from the past weeks is settling down we can focus on FOOTBALL and get excited again. The last three days have really gotten me pumped up and I've spent an unhealthy amount of time reading the rant and watching hype videos. (I think that applies to most of the Tiger fanbase)

With that being said, I'd like to share something that made me crack up today and hopefully start a funny thread.

A long time friend and I have been talking heavily about the Tigers in the last few weeks, both expressing how borderline unhealthy our devotion to following every rumor, detail, and misinterpretation to "Shadygate" was.

Earlier today our conversation via text went like this:

Him: Dude.
Me: Dude.
Him: why can't it be Saturday at 7 already?
Me: God, I know, I'm posting on the rant as we speak
Him: What topic? Did you see the bar video?
Me: Oh yes, the official oregon lsu prediction thread
(about 1.5 hours later)
Him: Frick this. I quit work for the day.
Me: Dayum, get em Tigah
Him(and here's the good part): Too excited. I would take a giant mushroom stamp from Mingo's foot long love beef right now to make it kickoff time.
Me: LOL I've GOT to find a way to post this on TD.
Think I would get banned?

So with that said and at the risk of being Adminized, tell us, what would you be willing to take\do\sacrifice in order to warp ahead in time to September 3rd @ 7pm?

I personally would be willing to take any one of the 49 shoes in a kick from Jefferson to a non-vital part of my body as long as I was still in reasonable condition to watch the game.