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How to Survive on the Soccer Board
Posted on 10/12/10 at 10:03 pm
Posted on 10/12/10 at 10:03 pm
We've got some new guys, so I'm going to do a service for the board and give them some quick pointers. If I miss anything, please add your own.
Ballacked: Soccer Board Terminology for Germans. From German midfielder Michael Ballack.
GAM: Eddie Johnson. "Plays" for Fulham. When asked which video games he played, he responded
CD9: Charlie Davies. US Striker and current player for DC United. Seriously injured before the 2010 World Cup.
El Chosen Juan: Juan Agudelo. USMNT Striker and player for the NY Red Bulls. Rising star.
StuHawk/ StuBear: Stu Holden. Has a faux-hawk and played video games professionally.
Deuce: Clint Dempsey. American hero. Plays for Fulham. Rapper
Bornsucko/ Jewstein/ Hondurastein: Jonathan Bornstein. Defender who's best at attacking. National hero in Honduras for putting them into the World Cup. Pretty much terrible.
LandyCakes: Landon Donovan. American hero. Hates Mexicans. Terrible taste in music.
Gooch: Oguchi Onyewu.
Skeletor: Former American manager Bob Bradley.
BB: Baby Bradley, or Michael Bradley.
He Who Shall Not Be Named: Sorry, I've got to give his name. Giusseppe Rossi. Guido Judas.
Mexico: Pure evil.
EPL: English Premier League. Contains teams like Man United, Chelsea, Liverpool, Arsenal, and Man City
Dodgy F.C.: Tottenham Hotspur. Managed by 'Arry Redknapp, who is a very shady character.
La Liga: Spanish top league. Two team league of Real Madrid and Barcelona.
Bundesliga: German league. Normally topped by Bayern Munchen
SPL: Scottish Premier League. Two team league of Celtic and Rangers.
Ligue 1: French League. Top teams are Olympique Lyonnais, Bordeaux, Olympique Marseille, and Paris St. Germain.
Old Firm: Biggest rivalry in the sport. Celtic v. Rangers.
El Classico: Real Madrid v. Barcelona.
Der Hun: Rangers, or supporters of Rangers.
Sir Alex/ Fergie/ Awex: Alex Ferguson. Manager of Man United.
Bhoy: Celtic, or supporters of Celtic.
Chelski: Chelsea.
Special One: Jose Mourinho. Current
manager of Real Madrid.
Gooners/Gunners: Arsenal.
Pain Train: Edson Buddle.
Serie A: Italian league, consisting mainly of AC Milan, Inter Milan, and Roma.
Scousers: Liverpool, or supporters of Liverpool.
Jesus/Schweiny: Bastian Schweinsteiger. Hendo's crush.
Messiah: Lionel Messi.
Scumbag: Nigel de Jong. Dutchman. Famous for really bad tackles designed to hurt other players.
Muslim Jesus: Mesut Ozil or Miralem Pjanic.
MLS: American league.
Beowulf: Nicklas Bendtner aka impregnator of royalty aka nicky b aka he-who-makes-Lalas-sound-even-dumber-than-normal
YNWA: You'll Never Walk Alone. Song sung by Liverpool, Celtic, and St. Pauli fans.
Dave Henson: English Parody Artist. Look him up on youtube.
Serb Judas/ Racist Judas: Subotic. Guido Judas, but Serbian.
Derby: Pronounced Darby. Soccer rivalries. Main ones are the Glaswegian (Old Firm), Milan, Manchester, North London, Madrid, and Argentinian.
BocaJuniors: Carlos Bocanegra. Captain America.
Merseysiders: Everton or Everton Supporters
Mile High Hellhole/ Hell/ Pit of Despair/ God's Septic Tank: Estadio Azteca in Mexico
Songs to Know: YNWA, Over There, Fields of Athenry, JCGE
Kit: Uniform. Includes shirt, shorts, boots, socks, etc.
Fulhamerica: Fulham. Nickname from signing lots of American players.
Tennessee Jed: The Soccer Board's very own GAM/Kige mix.
OLASDM: Our Lord and Saviour Danny Mwanga. Striker who the board hopes will become an American NT player very soon.
Robbie Rapist: Robbie Findley. Striker known for being fast but having the finishing City.touch of a bulldozer.
Rico: Ricardo Clark. The reason we lost in the World Cup.
Leeds: Second tier English club. They hate everybody, and everybody hates them. Will be back in the EPL soon.
Joey Barton: Psychopath.
Da Coop: Former FC Dallas star and current
Portland Timbers striker Kenny Cooper, the future of striking futility in American soccer
Sunil Gulati: A man who is either evil or incompetent. President of the U.S. Soccer
Federation.
Paul the Octopus: A true prophet. During the WC, he picked Germany's matches (and later the Final) and was correct.
Fat Douche: Sepp Blatter, Head of FIFA. Corrupt. Swiss. Hates America.
Jonny Evans: Scumbag from the O6 who plays for Man U. Seriously injured Stuhawk by playing dirty. Has a dedicated hate thread.
Honduran Judas / Latin Dumbass: Andy Najar. Midfielder who chose Honduras over the Greatest Country in the World (USA)
JCGE: Just Can't Get Enough. Song by Depeche Mode. Alternate chorus sung by many fans. Started by Celtic FC's Green Brigade Ultra group.
Qatar Globetrotters: Barcelona
Marta: Brasilian women's 'superstar.' Bitches, whines, and dives.
Referees: The following are referees known to hate America:
Jorge: Ref Jorge Larrionda. Hates America. Terrible ref.
Hugh Dallas: Referee and former head referee of the Scottish Football Association. During the 2002 World Cup, he allowed Torsten Frings to bat the ball off the line with his hand in a match versus the USA. Resigned in disgrace in 2010 after he was proven to be a sectarian a-hole and corrupt.
Koman Coulibaly: Mali Ref. Blind. Hates America.
Count Chocula: Mexican Referee Rodríguez Moreno. Looks surprisingly like a vampire. Terrible ref. Jorge's successor.
Jacqui Melksham : Australian women's referee. Like Koman, Jorge, and Count Chocula, she hates America. In the quarterfinal match between America and Brasil, she red carded an American after a Brasilian dived, gave a PK, forced the PK to be taken again for no reason, allowed an offside goal for Brasil, and allowed time-wasting past Portuguese levels.
Other Helpful Things:
Each team's fans have special nicknames for players.
Some posters on here have leagues/teams they know the best. Ex.: mrsmiller knows la liga and Real Madrid. I know SPL, Celtic, OL (Lyon), Irish leagues. Caplewood knows Atletico Madrid. Hendo knows Bundesliga, etc.
US soccer (generally) - @GrantWahl
English - @OliverKayTimes
English if you're a 'Pool fan - @philmcnulty
International - @Marcotti
Interesting stats - @OptaJoe or any version of Opta depending on the league
Couple of good blogs - @runofplay @ZonalMarking
SoccReligious - The site of our very own Stewie
Ballacked: Soccer Board Terminology for Germans. From German midfielder Michael Ballack.
GAM: Eddie Johnson. "Plays" for Fulham. When asked which video games he played, he responded
quote:
I don’t play video games. I’m a grown-arse man.
CD9: Charlie Davies. US Striker and current player for DC United. Seriously injured before the 2010 World Cup.
El Chosen Juan: Juan Agudelo. USMNT Striker and player for the NY Red Bulls. Rising star.
StuHawk/ StuBear: Stu Holden. Has a faux-hawk and played video games professionally.
Deuce: Clint Dempsey. American hero. Plays for Fulham. Rapper
Bornsucko/ Jewstein/ Hondurastein: Jonathan Bornstein. Defender who's best at attacking. National hero in Honduras for putting them into the World Cup. Pretty much terrible.
LandyCakes: Landon Donovan. American hero. Hates Mexicans. Terrible taste in music.
Gooch: Oguchi Onyewu.
Skeletor: Former American manager Bob Bradley.
BB: Baby Bradley, or Michael Bradley.
He Who Shall Not Be Named: Sorry, I've got to give his name. Giusseppe Rossi. Guido Judas.
Mexico: Pure evil.
EPL: English Premier League. Contains teams like Man United, Chelsea, Liverpool, Arsenal, and Man City
Dodgy F.C.: Tottenham Hotspur. Managed by 'Arry Redknapp, who is a very shady character.
La Liga: Spanish top league. Two team league of Real Madrid and Barcelona.
Bundesliga: German league. Normally topped by Bayern Munchen
SPL: Scottish Premier League. Two team league of Celtic and Rangers.
Ligue 1: French League. Top teams are Olympique Lyonnais, Bordeaux, Olympique Marseille, and Paris St. Germain.
Old Firm: Biggest rivalry in the sport. Celtic v. Rangers.
El Classico: Real Madrid v. Barcelona.
Der Hun: Rangers, or supporters of Rangers.
Sir Alex/ Fergie/ Awex: Alex Ferguson. Manager of Man United.
Bhoy: Celtic, or supporters of Celtic.
Chelski: Chelsea.
Special One: Jose Mourinho. Current
manager of Real Madrid.
Gooners/Gunners: Arsenal.
Pain Train: Edson Buddle.
Serie A: Italian league, consisting mainly of AC Milan, Inter Milan, and Roma.
Scousers: Liverpool, or supporters of Liverpool.
Jesus/Schweiny: Bastian Schweinsteiger. Hendo's crush.
Messiah: Lionel Messi.
Scumbag: Nigel de Jong. Dutchman. Famous for really bad tackles designed to hurt other players.
Muslim Jesus: Mesut Ozil or Miralem Pjanic.
MLS: American league.
Beowulf: Nicklas Bendtner aka impregnator of royalty aka nicky b aka he-who-makes-Lalas-sound-even-dumber-than-normal
YNWA: You'll Never Walk Alone. Song sung by Liverpool, Celtic, and St. Pauli fans.
Dave Henson: English Parody Artist. Look him up on youtube.
Serb Judas/ Racist Judas: Subotic. Guido Judas, but Serbian.
Derby: Pronounced Darby. Soccer rivalries. Main ones are the Glaswegian (Old Firm), Milan, Manchester, North London, Madrid, and Argentinian.
BocaJuniors: Carlos Bocanegra. Captain America.
Merseysiders: Everton or Everton Supporters
Mile High Hellhole/ Hell/ Pit of Despair/ God's Septic Tank: Estadio Azteca in Mexico
Songs to Know: YNWA, Over There, Fields of Athenry, JCGE
Kit: Uniform. Includes shirt, shorts, boots, socks, etc.
Fulhamerica: Fulham. Nickname from signing lots of American players.
Tennessee Jed: The Soccer Board's very own GAM/Kige mix.
OLASDM: Our Lord and Saviour Danny Mwanga. Striker who the board hopes will become an American NT player very soon.
Robbie Rapist: Robbie Findley. Striker known for being fast but having the finishing City.touch of a bulldozer.
Rico: Ricardo Clark. The reason we lost in the World Cup.
Leeds: Second tier English club. They hate everybody, and everybody hates them. Will be back in the EPL soon.
Joey Barton: Psychopath.
Da Coop: Former FC Dallas star and current
Portland Timbers striker Kenny Cooper, the future of striking futility in American soccer
Sunil Gulati: A man who is either evil or incompetent. President of the U.S. Soccer
Federation.
Paul the Octopus: A true prophet. During the WC, he picked Germany's matches (and later the Final) and was correct.
Fat Douche: Sepp Blatter, Head of FIFA. Corrupt. Swiss. Hates America.
Jonny Evans: Scumbag from the O6 who plays for Man U. Seriously injured Stuhawk by playing dirty. Has a dedicated hate thread.
Honduran Judas / Latin Dumbass: Andy Najar. Midfielder who chose Honduras over the Greatest Country in the World (USA)
JCGE: Just Can't Get Enough. Song by Depeche Mode. Alternate chorus sung by many fans. Started by Celtic FC's Green Brigade Ultra group.
Qatar Globetrotters: Barcelona
Marta: Brasilian women's 'superstar.' Bitches, whines, and dives.
Referees: The following are referees known to hate America:
Jorge: Ref Jorge Larrionda. Hates America. Terrible ref.
Hugh Dallas: Referee and former head referee of the Scottish Football Association. During the 2002 World Cup, he allowed Torsten Frings to bat the ball off the line with his hand in a match versus the USA. Resigned in disgrace in 2010 after he was proven to be a sectarian a-hole and corrupt.
Koman Coulibaly: Mali Ref. Blind. Hates America.
Count Chocula: Mexican Referee Rodríguez Moreno. Looks surprisingly like a vampire. Terrible ref. Jorge's successor.
Jacqui Melksham : Australian women's referee. Like Koman, Jorge, and Count Chocula, she hates America. In the quarterfinal match between America and Brasil, she red carded an American after a Brasilian dived, gave a PK, forced the PK to be taken again for no reason, allowed an offside goal for Brasil, and allowed time-wasting past Portuguese levels.
Other Helpful Things:
Each team's fans have special nicknames for players.
Some posters on here have leagues/teams they know the best. Ex.: mrsmiller knows la liga and Real Madrid. I know SPL, Celtic, OL (Lyon), Irish leagues. Caplewood knows Atletico Madrid. Hendo knows Bundesliga, etc.
US soccer (generally) - @GrantWahl
English - @OliverKayTimes
English if you're a 'Pool fan - @philmcnulty
International - @Marcotti
Interesting stats - @OptaJoe or any version of Opta depending on the league
Couple of good blogs - @runofplay @ZonalMarking
SoccReligious - The site of our very own Stewie
This post was edited on 9/28/11 at 3:16 pm
22
Posted on 10/12/10 at 10:05 pm to TN Bhoy
I RA'd
for a sticky
you forgot:
Scousers
StuHawk
for a sticky
you forgot:
Scousers
StuHawk
Posted on 10/12/10 at 10:14 pm to TN Bhoy
sticky this please, i need it.
Posted on 10/12/10 at 10:18 pm to TN Bhoy
quote:
Jesus/Schweiny: Bastian Schweinsteiger. Hendo's crush.
Get well soon Basty! Also.. Muslim Jesus -- Mesut Ozil
Posted on 10/12/10 at 10:19 pm to Ryne Sandberg
stuhawk aka stubear
Posted on 10/12/10 at 10:30 pm to hendersonshands
quote:
Nigel de Jong.
Tackle on StuHawk was the worst attack by a Dutchman on an American since Joran van der Sloot.
This post was edited on 10/12/10 at 10:31 pm
Posted on 10/12/10 at 10:35 pm to RockChalkTiger
quote:
Tackle on StuHawk was the worst attack by a Dutchman on an American since Joran van der Sloot.
Is it bad that I
'dPosted on 10/12/10 at 10:38 pm to geauxgetta
Too soon?
Posted on 10/12/10 at 10:56 pm to TN Bhoy
How could you forget:
Beowulf- Nicklas Bendtner aka impregnator of royalty aka nicky b aka he-who-makes-Lalas-sound-even-dumber-than-normal
Racist Judas-Subotic. Could have played for USA, instead chose to play for the most racist arse country there is-Serbia
Beowulf- Nicklas Bendtner aka impregnator of royalty aka nicky b aka he-who-makes-Lalas-sound-even-dumber-than-normal
Racist Judas-Subotic. Could have played for USA, instead chose to play for the most racist arse country there is-Serbia
This post was edited on 10/12/10 at 10:57 pm
Posted on 10/12/10 at 10:58 pm to Friend of OBUDan
Subotic is going to die in a field riot one day so he'll get what's coming to him.
Posted on 10/12/10 at 11:00 pm to TN Bhoy
Adam Johnson
aka Jesus
aka Jesus
Posted on 10/12/10 at 11:01 pm to Ryne Sandberg
also el apache for tevez
Posted on 10/12/10 at 11:02 pm to Ryne Sandberg
Posted on 10/12/10 at 11:03 pm to Ryne Sandberg
Manchester City=Manchester's only football club
Posted on 10/12/10 at 11:04 pm to hendersonshands
alright,
Mario Balotelli=SWAG
Mario Balotelli=SWAG
Posted on 10/13/10 at 12:58 am to TN Bhoy
Other helpful things could also include useful Twitter feeds.
US soccer (generally) - @GrantWahl
English - @OliverKayTimes
English if you're a 'Pool fan - @philmcnulty
International - @Marcotti
Interesting stats - @OptaJoe or any version of Opta depending on the league
Couple of good blogs - @runofplay @ZonalMarking
US soccer (generally) - @GrantWahl
English - @OliverKayTimes
English if you're a 'Pool fan - @philmcnulty
International - @Marcotti
Interesting stats - @OptaJoe or any version of Opta depending on the league
Couple of good blogs - @runofplay @ZonalMarking
This post was edited on 10/13/10 at 1:00 am
Posted on 10/13/10 at 8:22 am to Friend of OBUDan
Am I missing anything else? And could we get a sticky?
Posted on 10/13/10 at 8:23 am to hendersonshands
quote:
Muslim Jesus --
I'll take credit for that one.
Posted on 10/13/10 at 8:33 am to TN Bhoy
Robbie Rapist or just Rapist
OLASDM: Our Lord and Saviour Danny Mwanga
OLASDM: Our Lord and Saviour Danny Mwanga
This post was edited on 10/13/10 at 8:34 am
Posted on 10/13/10 at 8:39 am to TN Bhoy
quote:
TN Bhoy
superb effort.
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