greiving the loss of someone you love
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re: greiving the loss of someone you love
Posted by LSUSkip on 2/4 at 7:13 pm to Siderophore
When my grandma passed away there was ample time to prepare myself.I had about a week and a half.I shed a few tears at the funeral and that was about it. Other than that I went about my normal life.if it hits you, it hits you, if not you probably adjusted to the news and are prepared for it. I wouldn't really worry too much about it, you've got enough on your mind. You and your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.


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Posted by junkfunky on 2/4 at 7:17 pm to meauxjeaux2
quote:

I just figured I'd take the news of the certainty of her going much harder. I cry like a little bitch seeing other people cry at a funeral. I know I'll break down at the funeral but right now my emotions have me baffled.


Sounds like you think it's her time to go. Nothing wrong with it, in fact it makes it a little easier to handle and your time spent with her until she's gone will be better than sobbing and possibly making her feel worse.



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Posted by sec13rowBBseat28 on 2/4 at 7:19 pm to meauxjeaux2
My grandmother passed away Friday morning. The funeral was today. I was holding one of her hands and my dad was holding the other when she passed. We knew it was coming within the next few weeks, but we were still not prepared. It happened so fast. It's so final when they go and you just want to talk to them one more time. Spend as much time with her while she is still here, and tell her how much you love her.


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Posted by meauxjeaux2 on 2/4 at 7:34 pm to sec13rowBBseat28
SEC,thanks man. Coming from you I'll definetly take your advice on the matter.
That's where I am right now. I don't want to know a life without my Maw Maw but shit,we're only human so our time has to cone sometime.



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Posted by lsunurse on 2/4 at 7:41 pm to Tmacelroy12
quote:

It hits harder when she's gone and you are at her funeral


The moment I was told my grandmother had passed away I started bawling and was a crying mess that entire night. I cried for most of the flight home as well. The wake and funeral...didn't shed a tear. It's like I felt like I needed to be strong for my mom and be there for her(it was her mother that passed). But alone....I cried quite a bit. I knew her passing was only a matter of time and knew it was gonna hit me very hard, but even knowing that.....her passing was very difficult for me to deal with.


(ETA: She passed away on my birthday, was notified while out celebrating my bday with my fiance, I was supposed to come home to visit her in just 3 weeks...so I think all those factors hit me hard as well)




Months later when shopping at Hobby Lobby for wedding stuff (a picture frame to put her picture in to honor her at my reception) it hit me very hard as well and I was a sobbing mess in Hobby Lobby. Everyone deals with grief in their own way.


This post was edited on 2/4 at 7:44 pm

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Posted by DaSaltyTiger on 2/4 at 7:55 pm to lsunurse
Indeed, everyone is different in their grief. Seems like situations also differ. I grieved differently in losing my mother a year ago in contrast to when I lost my father 21 years ago. I was considerably more emotional over losing my father.

For me, the worst loss of all was not the death of loved one but losing my wife of 27 years to divorce. It's been five years and I am still grieving that one. Just haven't cared to meet anyone else.



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Posted by Darla Hood on 2/4 at 8:00 pm to meauxjeaux2
quote:

I don't think I'm doing it right.

No such thing. It's a process. Grief will come, ready or not. This isn't a movie or a TV show. It's not going to wrap itself up neatly in a bow and be over. You will grieve in your own time and in your own way. Doesn't mean you don't love her enough.



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Posted by LessofLes on 2/4 at 8:05 pm to meauxjeaux2
Take some time off and spend it with her. Be with her, let her know she's your favorite person ever, let her know it's OK to go.

You're scared whether you realize it or not. Don't miss an opportunity to spend time with her. You'll regret it for years to come if you don't.

I was in your shoes, exact same situation. I take comfort knowing I spent quality time with her in her final days.

Best of luck.



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Posted by LasVegasTiger on 2/4 at 8:10 pm to Siderophore
quote:

Coroner coming, casket closing, first shovel of dirt, etc


I've only been to one funeral in my life my ,wifes grandmother. Only met her once but holy hell I lost it when they did the first shovel of dirt.

My grandfather is 90..it hasn't really hit me yet but his time is near.

Sorry about your mawmaw.



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Posted by blueboy on 2/4 at 8:16 pm to meauxjeaux2
Same here. I get sad when relatives die, but it's never overpowering. It's when I see how distraught my other loved ones are over the death. That's when I break down.

There's nothing too sad about someone who's lived a long, happy life and finally goes where we all must go. But their absence is felt most acutely through the sadness of the other survivors. However, it's also the key to recovering and moving on.



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Posted by rantfan on 2/4 at 8:20 pm to meauxjeaux2
Sorry to hear that . You are just delaying your emotions right now. The reailization will hit you and the quicker you grieve all the better. My first born son died a week after he was born. I grieved right away and was ready for life again 6 months later. My wife on the other hand has never completely come to terms with it and she is having issues because of it. Good luck. h

This post was edited on 2/4 at 8:21 pm

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Posted by WHATDOINO on 2/4 at 8:21 pm to meauxjeaux2
I was 24 and my 21 year old little brother passed away, and i held pretty tough all the way through till the burial


After that and to this day it hits me from time to time and i break down terribly. Everyone handles things differently.



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Posted by coonass27 on 2/4 at 8:25 pm to LasVegasTiger
Ouch man that's a rough one. My grandmother had a massive stroke sat AM and is currently being transferred to a hospice facility as her body is shutting down and that takes some time. I am very close to her and its the only grandparent I have ever had. I got the news sat morning and was told there was little hope and Sunday I was told there was none. I have shed a few tears but not sobbing like I thought. I fought with the decision to drive down and see her again one last time but she is already gone. She won't hear me or know I'm there and seeing her like that would really screw me up. These things affect people differently. I had a good college friend Die in an accident and I didn't shed a tear. After it was done It hit me pretty hard. I'm sure once its done, and I see her again it will really hit me but now I'm just focusing on the good times. What I find hard on your end and what I would loose it on Would be having to see her alive and responsive knowing the end is near but If I had the chance, I'd spend every second I could next to her because once is done, its done. I have been rather quiet the last few days and keeping to myself but like I said, everyone Is different.

I find the hardest part of these situations are after the fact. When it happens, you are in shock, disbelief, as well as get your depth perception thrown off. You have friends and family offering support, kind words, funny story's to keep your mind off of it for a little while. But after is all said and done and go home alone with no buffer or something to change your thought process, that's when it gets rough. I'll keep you and your family in my prayers buddy



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Posted by jrodLSUke on 2/4 at 8:27 pm to meauxjeaux2
quote:

I'm not looking for support,I'm concerned about not reacting to the news I just got like I thought I would and wad just wondering if anyone else had had this happen.

A very similar thing happened to me. Dad passed away in 2010 with lung cancer. We knew he was terminally ill for 6 months. And I couldn't cry or greive because it was just such a long process. Even at the funeral.

However, some time after he passed, there would be things that would just trigger a memory and I would flat out lose it. Usually just random things that would never make me cry.

For example: took Mom to see Les Miserables about a month ago. Cried my eyeballs out.

Prayers for you and yours.



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Posted by Carson123987 on 2/4 at 8:28 pm to meauxjeaux2
I don't get too sad either, but I'm not an emotional person at all. Usually just a day or 2 of sadness


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Posted by Lpmann3 on 2/4 at 8:29 pm to Siderophore
quote:

I know....I was mostly talking to the bereavement consoler who apparently takes his work home.


Grow up. No one ever said that he was coming to the OT for primary support. His question is totally legit. You need to realize that there are appropriate times to make jokes and inappropriate times as well....



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Posted by 10888bge on 2/4 at 8:30 pm to meauxjeaux2
quote:

meauxjeaux2

Sometime you gotta get all Irish. Helped when mom passed. Friends and drinks. they will come.


This post was edited on 2/4 at 8:32 pm

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Posted by WhoDats10 on 2/4 at 8:37 pm to Tmacelroy12
my grandparent died while I was in high school, it hit me in college. I cried now more then i ever did then. I regret not calling them enough


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Posted by REB BEER on 2/4 at 8:39 pm to meauxjeaux2
You seem like a pretty logical person who has killed many animals and understands life and death.

You probably realize that she has lived a full life and that it is her time to go.

Sorry for your loss, but it's all part of life.



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Posted by rantfan on 2/4 at 8:57 pm to Lpmann3
Lp , i want to congratulate you
for the type of job you do . You know what your purpose in life is . I wish there were more people like you and always wished my wife had talked to somebody like you after our son died but she always refused. She is'nt as strong as she thinks.


This post was edited on 2/4 at 9:02 pm

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