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Message
Serious Question: Wedding Gifts After Spending So Much Money to Attend?
Posted on 1/26/24 at 2:23 pm
Posted on 1/26/24 at 2:23 pm
Hey everyone, I have a few weddings coming up and I have been thinking for a while about this and I just can't seem to wrap my mind around it.
If you're paying around 1000 dollars to travel to the location, get a place to stay, get your suit/dress dry cleaned, shouldn't that be enough of a gift? Why then is expectation that you then drop more money on a gift, when it feels like the gift should be that you spent so much and took whatever PTO is necessary to haul your arse there?
Not to mention you might have also spent money going to the bachelor or bachelorette party, it just feels absurd to me that you're then, on top of it all, expected to provide a gift to the bride and groom, especially if that bride and groom chose a relatively inaccessible location to go to?
I don't think I'm being cheap when I say this either. I just truly don't understand the wedding industry and why this is commonplace.
If you're paying around 1000 dollars to travel to the location, get a place to stay, get your suit/dress dry cleaned, shouldn't that be enough of a gift? Why then is expectation that you then drop more money on a gift, when it feels like the gift should be that you spent so much and took whatever PTO is necessary to haul your arse there?
Not to mention you might have also spent money going to the bachelor or bachelorette party, it just feels absurd to me that you're then, on top of it all, expected to provide a gift to the bride and groom, especially if that bride and groom chose a relatively inaccessible location to go to?
I don't think I'm being cheap when I say this either. I just truly don't understand the wedding industry and why this is commonplace.
24
Posted on 1/26/24 at 2:25 pm to pelicansfan123
Are you George Costanza? 
This post was edited on 1/26/24 at 2:27 pm
Posted on 1/26/24 at 2:26 pm to pelicansfan123
Don't be a cheap arse. Put $100 in a card and call it a day.
Posted on 1/26/24 at 2:27 pm to pelicansfan123
quote:Do the bride and groom explicitly expect it? They may understand your point of view.
it just feels absurd to me that you're then, on top of it all, expected to provide a gift to the bride and groom
Posted on 1/26/24 at 2:32 pm to pelicansfan123
My wife's niece/goddaughter is getting married and I feel your pain.
But get this...since when do Aunts and grooms mother go to the bachelorette party in Florida? Both families live in Ohio. Even crazier to me is the "honeymoon" shower". Never even heard of that. They just keep getting in my pocket.$$$
But get this...since when do Aunts and grooms mother go to the bachelorette party in Florida? Both families live in Ohio. Even crazier to me is the "honeymoon" shower". Never even heard of that. They just keep getting in my pocket.$$$
Posted on 1/26/24 at 2:32 pm to pelicansfan123
quote:
I just truly don't understand the wedding industry and why this is commonplace.
It isn't the industry that is dictating that you provide a gift. However, I agree with your point. The tradition of providing a gift came from a time when wedding ceremonies were attended by locals and the newlyweds were generally starting their lives together at a young age before they had time to build up any wealth or possessions. The gift was also meant to be a thank you for providing food and entertainment at the reception.
Posted on 1/26/24 at 2:32 pm to pelicansfan123
Get them something small…let the family buy the China and silver.
Posted on 1/26/24 at 2:34 pm to pelicansfan123
Question from the other side: those of you who got married, did you keep a list of who gave you a gift and what they gave you?
Posted on 1/26/24 at 2:35 pm to facher08
quote:
It isn't the industry that is dictating that you provide a gift. However, I agree with your point. The tradition of providing a gift came from a time when wedding ceremonies were attended by locals and the newlyweds were generally starting their lives together at a young age before they had time to build up any wealth or possessions. The gift was also meant to be a thank you for providing food and entertainment at the reception.
Yeah I'm shocked how many downvotes I'm getting. Money doesn't grow on trees and if I'm spending near 1000 dollars between hotel, plane tickets, dry cleaning, etc. it just feels like getting a gift on top of it is overkill.
Clearly a lot of y'all don't feel that way.
Posted on 1/26/24 at 2:35 pm to pelicansfan123
Something feels wrong about giving a gift to a couple who has been living together/owns a home together pre-marriage
Posted on 1/26/24 at 2:36 pm to Displaced
quote:
Don't be a cheap arse. Put $100 in a card and call it a day.
For some people, putting $100 in a card means a lot more than to others....
Posted on 1/26/24 at 2:37 pm to pelicansfan123
quote:
If you're paying around 1000 dollars to travel to the location, get a place to stay, get your suit/dress dry cleaned, shouldn't that be enough of a gift?
If you can’t spend $1100 instead of $1000 maybe you shouldn’t go to the wedding
Posted on 1/26/24 at 2:37 pm to pelicansfan123
Have you received the invitation yet? Most “destination weddings”, where guests pay to travel, the hosts will say “your presence is our present”. In that case, a gift is up to you. You can always find something affordable on their gift registry too.
Posted on 1/26/24 at 2:37 pm to pelicansfan123
Just do whatever you want to do. Getting upset about not getting a gift is something that children do.
Posted on 1/26/24 at 2:38 pm to pelicansfan123
quote:
Serious Question: Wedding Gifts After Spending So Much Money to Attend?
oh this should go well for you
Posted on 1/26/24 at 2:39 pm to cuyahoga tiger
quote:
Even crazier to me is the "honeymoon" shower"
What's this nonsense? Is this when they say, instead of gifts please consider paying for an excursion for us to better enjoy our honeymoon; or is it a fancy gofundme so they can pocket $$$ while they drive to destin?
Posted on 1/26/24 at 2:39 pm to JimTiger72
I wouldn’t spend $1000 to attend any wedding. I’d mail $100 instead.
Posted on 1/26/24 at 2:40 pm to pelicansfan123
I agree. Same with baby shower for baby out of wedlock. I know it’s old fashioned but not a fan
Posted on 1/26/24 at 2:40 pm to danilo
quote:
did you keep a list of who gave you a gift and what they gave you?
My wife cannot tell you what she ate for lunch yesterday; but she can tell you who gave us what for our wedding, and for all of our kids birthdays & Christmas.
Posted on 1/26/24 at 2:40 pm to Weekend Warrior79
quote:
Is this when they say, instead of gifts please consider paying for an excursion for us to better enjoy our honeymoon
I'd much rather give this way than pay for a mixer they'll use once every 3 years.
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