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re: How do y'all marry people and hate their parents?
Posted on 5/12/24 at 3:25 pm to Rouge
Posted on 5/12/24 at 3:25 pm to Rouge
My wife doesn’t like and can barely tolerate my parents. i specifically moved away from them with my wife and son for the sake of my marriage.
They are good people that I love dearly and feel that I was raised well by but they are ok to mediocre grandparents and were pretty bad selfish parents.
They did all the right things in raising children but did the bare minimum in terms of building relationships or any affection.
We mostly don’t talk about my family unless they are coming to see us. She gets pretty angry around them.
I did send a card and called my mom this morning.
ETA: I love my in-laws. I’ve actually got along with every girlfriend’s parents better than I have my own.
They are good people that I love dearly and feel that I was raised well by but they are ok to mediocre grandparents and were pretty bad selfish parents.
They did all the right things in raising children but did the bare minimum in terms of building relationships or any affection.
We mostly don’t talk about my family unless they are coming to see us. She gets pretty angry around them.
I did send a card and called my mom this morning.
ETA: I love my in-laws. I’ve actually got along with every girlfriend’s parents better than I have my own.
This post was edited on 5/12/24 at 3:27 pm
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Posted on 5/12/24 at 3:26 pm to Rouge
Sometimes I think I like my MIL more than I like my wife. She's an awesome lady. I got lucky.
Posted on 5/12/24 at 3:27 pm to Rouge
I don’t hate mine and I don’t think that they hate me — I think we’re at a point where we just do what we have to do and be cordial.
Posted on 5/12/24 at 4:04 pm to Rouge
I’m lucky that my in-laws are great, but you should marry who you love. Their family should not be a factor.
If you choose not to marry someone due to their family, you weren’t really in love to begin with, so it’s a good thing you didn’t marry.
If you choose not to marry someone due to their family, you weren’t really in love to begin with, so it’s a good thing you didn’t marry.
Posted on 5/12/24 at 4:06 pm to Rouge
My in-laws are fricking awesome! 
Posted on 5/12/24 at 4:15 pm to Rouge
I wish my FIL were still alive. We had some great times together. Cancer took him way too soon at 58.
Posted on 5/12/24 at 4:23 pm to Rouge
I loathe my MIL and FIL before he died. My wife "hated" them too, but has been put on a massive guilt trip by her siblings to be the one to take care of them.
Her mom is a disgusting blob and her dad was a verbally abusive a-hole. He never took care of himself and died from cancer about 3 years ago. He was 68, I think.
My wife's family guilted her into being his hospice for the last 2 years of his life. He talked and treated her like shite, but she wouldn't allow me to step in. I didn't want her around that. The worst part is that when we get into any argument, she tells me I'm worse than her dad ever was. It's been her go to argument ender.
She has a lot of demons from her past. I've tried to get her to go to therapy. She went twice, but apparently the therapist told her what I had been telling her. I was looking out for hers and our family's best interest and she needs to distance herself from her toxic family.
If I didn't love her so much, I would have been gone a long time ago
Her mom is a disgusting blob and her dad was a verbally abusive a-hole. He never took care of himself and died from cancer about 3 years ago. He was 68, I think.
My wife's family guilted her into being his hospice for the last 2 years of his life. He talked and treated her like shite, but she wouldn't allow me to step in. I didn't want her around that. The worst part is that when we get into any argument, she tells me I'm worse than her dad ever was. It's been her go to argument ender.
She has a lot of demons from her past. I've tried to get her to go to therapy. She went twice, but apparently the therapist told her what I had been telling her. I was looking out for hers and our family's best interest and she needs to distance herself from her toxic family.
If I didn't love her so much, I would have been gone a long time ago
Posted on 5/12/24 at 4:47 pm to Rouge
because I failed to appreciate how much leverage they would have in my day to day life. I figured my husband would become the head of our new household and the in-laws would be at arm's length.
It didn't work out that way. Instead I became a voiceless appendage to his family and spent 25 years without a vote and learning to bury resentment
It didn't work out that way. Instead I became a voiceless appendage to his family and spent 25 years without a vote and learning to bury resentment
Posted on 5/12/24 at 4:49 pm to Rouge
My in-laws are deceased. Loved both, especially my fil and my mil agreed to disagree and got along well
Posted on 5/12/24 at 4:51 pm to Rouge
Many women have a problem with boundaries. This puts the husband in the boundary enforcement role (if you're not a pussy), which turns emotions negative. Most of the board gets married too early to try to understand how stop it, and just wakes up one crawfish season, five years into marriage, thinking, "F@#k, they're coming over today?"
Posted on 5/12/24 at 4:52 pm to Rouge
My husband doesn’t talk to his parents because they are terrible people.
So we don’t have the drama anymore.
So we don’t have the drama anymore.
Posted on 5/12/24 at 4:59 pm to Rouge
A lot of guys are so desperate to have a safe & predictable place to stick it in, that they don't even think about the total package they're buying into.
You've also got the guys who think they need a wife - any wife - on the arm to take to company events and look like a happy couple, so they trade the costs that come with that.
Then they go to the neighborhood sports bar every night and talk about their great home life to any poor soul who will listen.
You've also got the guys who think they need a wife - any wife - on the arm to take to company events and look like a happy couple, so they trade the costs that come with that.
Then they go to the neighborhood sports bar every night and talk about their great home life to any poor soul who will listen.
Posted on 5/12/24 at 5:03 pm to PowerTool
quote:
A lot of guys are so desperate to have a safe & predictable place to stick it in, that they don't even think about the total package they're buying into.
There's a reason men under 30 pay higher insurance rates, we don't make good decisions.
Posted on 5/12/24 at 5:35 pm to PowerTool
quote:
Then they go to the neighborhood sports bar every night and talk about their great home life to any poor soul who will liste
Or go to work or the camp and talk about how horrible their wives are.
And yeah I agree about seeing how a future spouses family is to just maybe get an idea of how that person was raised and how relationships are in their family. It's not of course 100% going to be the same with your and your spouse, but there can be good warning signs that many don't look for.
Posted on 5/12/24 at 5:42 pm to Rouge
We got pregnant in high school. It took my in laws several years to finally come around to me. Mother in law has been gone for 11 years but was a fantastic lady.
Posted on 5/12/24 at 5:48 pm to Loup
quote:
Sometimes I think I like my MIL more than I like my wife. She's an awesome lady.
Yes I know I where this is going
Posted on 5/12/24 at 5:48 pm to Rouge
quote:
I guess I just look it as you are not just marrying the person, you are marrying the family as well.
I've always found this to be an odd blanket statement. It may work for some, but it even being the rule of thumb is a bit much.
I didn't marry my wife's family. I married my wife. If she gave a shite one way or another how I felt about her parents, we probably wouldn't have lasted too long and have gotten married. Luckily, that has no part in our compatibility.
Posted on 5/12/24 at 5:51 pm to Rouge
My wife is a complete opposite of her mother. My MIL is an absolute leech on anyone she's around. She literally lived off her dad and her brother her entire life. She had the gall to tell her oldest brother that she was supposed to get the house AND all the money when her father died.
She now lives with us and I'm plotting.
She now lives with us and I'm plotting.
Posted on 5/12/24 at 6:04 pm to Rouge
quote:
OK, but that is still 6-8 important days a year that you would have to endure their company.
I agree with you but a little alcohol makes it a lot more tolerable
Posted on 5/12/24 at 6:25 pm to Miketheseventh
Guy that runs Texas for spirits has always told me that the holidays were the biggest for sales, because people were sick of their inlaws. The amount of volume on Christmas eve was epic.
I'm not sure the guy you replied to understands just how destructive 6-8 days a year (in person) can be. It's never just the visits with women, it's the texts that go on between visits, the crap the family feeds into the head of the wife, which you deal with later. Repeat after me, women don't understand or even largely *ask* for boundaries with their moms. Boundaries with friends? lulz.
I'm not sure the guy you replied to understands just how destructive 6-8 days a year (in person) can be. It's never just the visits with women, it's the texts that go on between visits, the crap the family feeds into the head of the wife, which you deal with later. Repeat after me, women don't understand or even largely *ask* for boundaries with their moms. Boundaries with friends? lulz.
This post was edited on 5/12/24 at 6:33 pm
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