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re: Wife’s uncle is disrupting care plan for her father who has dementia

Posted on 5/20/24 at 7:10 am to
Posted by jmon
Mandeville, LA
Member since Oct 2010
8443 posts
Posted on 5/20/24 at 7:10 am to
You need to get the POA situation figured out.

You should be with your wife when and if the uncle shows up. Don't let her deal with the uncle, alone.

Also, I'd call the uncle and "explain" to him the right way to talk to your wife.

It's only going to get worse from here, on, trust me.
This post was edited on 5/20/24 at 7:15 am
Posted by terd ferguson
Darren Wilson Fan Club President
Member since Aug 2007
108802 posts
Posted on 5/20/24 at 7:16 am to
Sounds like you and your wife need to mind your business
Posted by dnm3305
Member since Feb 2009
13629 posts
Posted on 5/20/24 at 7:24 am to
If he has dementia and cant even recite the alphabet yall are all being assholes by holding on to someone that’s already gone.
Posted by Wiseguy
Member since Mar 2020
3427 posts
Posted on 5/20/24 at 7:25 am to
If there is a durable power of attorney and a medical power of attorney, whoever is named as POA has the ability to make decisions. In the event there isn’t a valid current POA and medical decisions need to be made, in Louisiana (and most other states, if not all but I don’t know specifics for other states) the following is who the doctor will listen to:

If there is a spouse and they are capable of making decisions, they get the final say.
If there is no spouse, then any children are next.
If no spouse or children, then any living parents.
If no spouse, children, or parents, then any living siblings.

The brother/uncle gets no say unless the father has previously identified him as POA over the wife and daughter.

I once worked with someone who called people like the uncle seagulls. Someone would be in the hospital and the family has a good handle on things and have made some decisions about care, and then this family member flies in (literally or figuratively), shoes all over everything and makes a lot of noise, and flies away leaving the rest of the family to deal with the mess they created.

Your wife and her mother need to stay united. They have the power here. Sad we even have to talk in terms of power.
Posted by SuperOcean
Member since Jun 2022
3317 posts
Posted on 5/20/24 at 7:26 am to
quote:

Sounds like you should’ve already beat the uncles arse


Old Days... There would have been pistols at dawn for the insults and character questioning.
Posted by chryso
Baton Rouge
Member since Jul 2008
11944 posts
Posted on 5/20/24 at 7:30 am to
Perhaps the uncle is using the fathers name in some business dealings that he doesn't want found out.
Posted by Hangover Haven
Metry
Member since Oct 2013
26798 posts
Posted on 5/20/24 at 7:33 am to
Unless said uncle has medical power of attorney, she can tell him to get fricked... He has no say so...
This post was edited on 5/20/24 at 7:35 am
Posted by Will Cover
St. Louis, MO
Member since Mar 2007
38628 posts
Posted on 5/20/24 at 7:35 am to
quote:

So what steps can she or my MIL take? I told my wife she needs to get a conservatorship of him to add protection, but she doesn’t want that responsibility. I think her uncle is going to show up tomorrow, put him in a car, and go to a lawyer himself.


Interdiction, if in Louisiana, or conservatorship elsewhere. Does he have an official dementia diagnosis? When was the last time he visited a neurology doctor? How did he score on the SLUMs test?

Interdiction/conservatorship is very serious. You are essentially taking away someone's civil rights, and it is a huge responsibility, as the court would essentially deem in them dead in all matters related to their health and well-being.

Your MIL might want to file conservatorship first, before his brother does, as this could get sticky. She will become the curator, and another person will need to be assigned as the under-curator - a checks and balances system of sort.
This post was edited on 5/20/24 at 7:37 am
Posted by Tiger Ryno
#WoF
Member since Feb 2007
103231 posts
Posted on 5/20/24 at 7:41 am to
Sounds like the Uncle just loves his brother and is fighting for him and is likely in the first stages of grief also known as ANGRY!
Posted by Thracken13
Aft Cargo Hold of Serenity
Member since Feb 2010
16129 posts
Posted on 5/20/24 at 7:43 am to
yeah - my Uncle, who is an X-Ray tech at a hospital, has blissfully ignored everything and tells my dad that the doctors are wrong, and that my mom is a bitch because she took his car keys away and sold his gun.

he came to visit my dad on his birthday this past Feb, and would not talk to my mom, and started his shite again and I got involved.

after I said my piece, he left and drove back to Mobile and we haven't heard from him since then. good riddance
Posted by chinhoyang
Member since Jun 2011
23686 posts
Posted on 5/20/24 at 7:43 am to
If FIL has dementia and cannot tend to his business, an interdiction or curatorship is the way to go. A power of attorney does not give the holder of the POA any control over the person - it simply gives them the power to act on the behalf of the person who granted the POA.

For example, assume you have FIL's POA and you think he needs to be in a residential home. FIL says "no." He wins.
Posted by Will Cover
St. Louis, MO
Member since Mar 2007
38628 posts
Posted on 5/20/24 at 7:45 am to
quote:

The way you have to go about this is someone is going to have to become power of attorney.


This can help, but since a medical/financial POA can be created with the stroke of a pen, and a notary, it doesn't hold any weight when compared to a judgment from a district court judge - interdiction/conservatorship.

Posted by 75503Tiger
Member since Sep 2015
4230 posts
Posted on 5/20/24 at 7:47 am to
If uncle is included in a signed POA then there are business partnerships in play here. Uncle has an angle, either he wants all the money from the business interests or needs to keep some things from being revealed so he is trying to get control by proving dad is competent to sign docs that will accomplish his goals
Posted by MasterJSchroeder
Berwick
Member since Nov 2020
995 posts
Posted on 5/20/24 at 8:16 am to
That text would have sealed the deal

He'd catch hands
Posted by prplhze2000
Parts Unknown
Member since Jan 2007
51535 posts
Posted on 5/20/24 at 8:18 am to
Yup. That's why my grandmother and mother both gave me medical POA's as they didn't trust my brother.
Posted by HeadSlash
TEAM LIVE BADASS - St. GEORGE
Member since Aug 2006
49932 posts
Posted on 5/20/24 at 8:24 am to
Doesn't daughter trump Uncle in this case legally?
Posted by Kracka
Lafayette, Louisiana
Member since Aug 2004
40863 posts
Posted on 5/20/24 at 8:30 am to
Who has power of power of attorney? Maybe you can get a restraining order against him?
Posted by Sidicous
Middle of Nowhere
Member since Aug 2015
17310 posts
Posted on 5/20/24 at 8:31 am to
The spouse is still in charge.

The wife should have the uncle served by a cop a notice for trespassing and if he causes a scene have him arrested. It’s time to cut the uncle off from the family and cease all communication with him.
Posted by This GUN for HIRE
Member since May 2022
3013 posts
Posted on 5/20/24 at 8:53 am to
quote:

Her uncle has also convinced him that he should be driving


There are laws against this. Have him arrested.
Posted by MeridianDog
Home on the range
Member since Nov 2010
14263 posts
Posted on 5/20/24 at 9:07 am to
Post the uncle's name and contact info here (phone number, address, photo, etc.) here. Tigerdroppings OT folks take care of each other.

Surely some OT enforcer will take the old dude's knees out with a questionable tackle from behind, or sugar his gas tank, or have the local sheriff take him 40 miles out into the swamp, or turn him in to the marijuana cops, or revoke his man card, steal his checkbook and write bad checks at WM on his account, Have his hooker post photos of his parts for everyone to laugh at on Instagram, or whatever.

OT folks take care of each other.
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