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re: Complicated marriage/legal question involving finances
Posted on 5/20/24 at 10:58 am to 850SaintsGator
Posted on 5/20/24 at 10:58 am to 850SaintsGator
quote:
I’m not ok with it …i asked her not to bring him - i honestly don’t know how to stop an adult from doing something aside from getting physical/ i don’t have a legal reason so i doesn’t matter to involve LEOs unless it’s a Baker Act
And a point of clarity - when i say hotel living …she isn’t holed up in a hotel - she is just traveling to different cities but the past week as been w/ our youngest
A steady need for cash and going from hotel to hotel is indicative of a person on meth. It could also be mental illness, since only someone with mental illness (and not using drugs) would think all this transience and odd behavior was ok.
You need to talk to a counselor ASAP. Since she won't, you should.
0
Posted on 5/20/24 at 11:01 am to 850SaintsGator
quote:
I know tons of ppl on here are saying “get a lawyer” etc but i swore to love her in sickness and health. - I’m not going to caste her aside during this time- especially because of our children (we have 4, three boys and one girl) need to see a loving father.
You came here asking for advice and you seem to be desperately seeking it though probably more to support the opinion you already have but please for the sake of your family get professional advice, in this case an attorney. Yes, they are usually jaded but they spend their days watching multiple versions of The War of the Roses* play out every day. That being said they can give you jurisdictional correct information about how to protect yourself and your family (including your wife) in what appears to be a volatile situation. Getting legal advice does not mean divorce it just means you will get the accurate advice YOU CAME HERE SEEKING. Just do it.
Just consider you came here for advice but are avoiding professional advice.
* my domestic law professor made us all watch The War of the Roses (Danny DeVito Micheal Douglas and Kathleen Turner) the first week. He stated all clients are crazy during a divorce even if they were sane before and after.
Posted on 5/20/24 at 11:04 am to im4LSU
quote:
i honestly don’t know how to stop an adult from doing something aside from getting physical
Hmm, thats not the greatest thing to admit....
Not saying this is the case, but that makes it sound like you dont know how to communicate and think the only solution is to get physical....
I took his statement to mean that the only way he would know how to make her not leave would be to physically restrain her which he isn’t going to do and he is here asking for advice.
And if someone is having a manic episode then there is no reasoning with them. The only way to actually stop them is physical restraint (but by the police/medical providers in the form of a psychotic hold).
This post was edited on 5/20/24 at 11:04 am
Posted on 5/20/24 at 11:16 am to 850SaintsGator
quote:
And a point of clarity - when i say hotel living …she isn’t holed up in a hotel - she is just traveling to different cities but the past week as been w/ our youngest
I think she is having a manic episode. My MIL is manic/depressive and when she goes manic she does and says all kinds of crazy things that make no logical sense. Just to name a few:
1) Spends money like crazy.
2) "cuts off" anyone in her life that tries to call her out on her BS.
3) Tries to contact old HS and College BFs (That are usually married) to try to "catch up".
4) Explodes on anyone and everyone that doesn't just go along with her.
5) Acts like everyone else is the problem.
6) does what she wants, when she wants to and to hell with whoever it screws over.
She has done worse to others but the last time I ever went along with anything she wanted to do when she was manic: she invited me (my wife was working), my children, 2 of her (underage) nieces and my parents to a "brunch" to see her HS Bf play in a band after church. When we got there it was a bar. They wouldn't let my kids in (obviously) and she declared she was staying and the rest of us could leave. She then got the ex BF to drive her home and was kind of pissed that his wife was there too "because the wife never like her." Well bitch, I wouldn't like you either if I were her
She now on the right medicine and hasn't had any bad episodes in years and she's awesome when she's regulated. But when he's manic, it's terrible. The point of my post isn't to call my MIL crazy but to point out that she had similar actions as your wife but with the right treatment she lives a normal life.
Also the manic episode will eventually turn into a deep depressive state where she won't get out of bed and may contemplate suicide. Just a heads up on the whats to come.
This post was edited on 5/20/24 at 12:28 pm
Posted on 5/20/24 at 11:23 am to 850SaintsGator
Please consult a lawyer ASAP. Like today.
She's likely doing drugs, gambling, cheating, etc.
And you are funding it. Move your money NOW and get advice on how to protect yourself and the kids from her behavior.
Your marriage is likely over so act accordingly and don't let her take advantage of your naivety.
She's likely doing drugs, gambling, cheating, etc.
And you are funding it. Move your money NOW and get advice on how to protect yourself and the kids from her behavior.
Your marriage is likely over so act accordingly and don't let her take advantage of your naivety.
Posted on 5/20/24 at 11:24 am to 850SaintsGator
Your dedication to and compassion for your wife are commendable, but you need to protect your children.
You have been hoping she would get better for more than 6 months, and she is getting worse. If police are called to one of these hotels, child protection will also be called. Your decision to allow a 4 year old to be supervised by someone who is not in her right mind could lead to you losing control of this situation.
You need to contact an attorney and medical professionals to get her the help she needs.
You have been hoping she would get better for more than 6 months, and she is getting worse. If police are called to one of these hotels, child protection will also be called. Your decision to allow a 4 year old to be supervised by someone who is not in her right mind could lead to you losing control of this situation.
You need to contact an attorney and medical professionals to get her the help she needs.
Posted on 5/20/24 at 11:31 am to 850SaintsGator
I moved from hotel to hotel in multiple cities for a couple of weeks when I was bad off with alcoholism before I went away for three months to get help. I know other folks who did that as well. She's got a problem. Do not let her get to anymore money until you have a serious conversation and get to the bottom of what's going on. It's probably going to start WW3, but it'll pass.
Posted on 5/20/24 at 11:33 am to 850SaintsGator
As for the hotel, is she, like, traveling on a pre-planned vacation? Is she alone just making it up as she goes along or is she with friends or family or visiting them? That makes it less ominous. Edited again to say that if she is, say, visiting family, taking the advice of those saying put a secret tracker on her may lend credence to her delusions of being watched or followed, at least to a court.
This post was edited on 5/20/24 at 11:40 am
Posted on 5/20/24 at 11:48 am to jamboybarry
quote:
Jody plowing them guts
I’m not saying you’re wrong, but the way yall say this shite is just so…… juvenile??
‘Plowing them guts’?
It’s just weird to me
Posted on 5/20/24 at 11:49 am to BRbornandraised
quote:
The easiest path is not always the correct one.
Shitttttt the easiest path is almost always the wrong path.
Posted on 5/20/24 at 12:13 pm to jcaz
Freeze your credit today. If you cut the cash supply off, she will find another means of getting it. Time to put yourself, your children and your assets above your wife.
Posted on 5/20/24 at 12:14 pm to Obtuse1
This x1000. Unfortunately, the OP is seeking confirmation bias, not actual advice. Numerous people have suggested consulting an attorney, because that is what needs to be done. Period.
Posted on 5/20/24 at 12:19 pm to 850SaintsGator
Yup, lots of thoughts.
Posted on 5/20/24 at 12:20 pm to 850SaintsGator
Is she taking taekwondo too? Is she still a white belt?
Posted on 5/20/24 at 12:21 pm to 850SaintsGator
Women are fricking crazy. All of em
Posted on 5/20/24 at 12:25 pm to 850SaintsGator
This isn’t going to resolve itself. She’s not going to wake up one morning, come home and everything will be back to normal. You have to take action regardless of how difficult it will be. Contact an attorney and follow their advice. Don’t procrastinate any longer. Take action and begin resolving the issue.
Posted on 5/20/24 at 12:31 pm to OldmanBeasley
quote:
This isn’t going to resolve itself. She’s not going to wake up one morning, come home and everything will be back to normal.
If its a manic episode, it won't last forever. Might last all summer though.
Posted on 5/20/24 at 12:40 pm to Bert Macklin FBI
quote:
If its a manic episode, it won't last forever. Might last all summer though.
True. But what happens is you have a lot of people that once they come out of a manic episode have burned all their bridges and don’t know how to come back and apologize/repair their relationships. And that causes them to spiral even more.
Posted on 5/20/24 at 12:46 pm to BigBinBR
quote:
you have a lot of people that once they come out of a manic episode have burned all their bridges and don’t know how to come back and apologize/repair their relationships
To me this is where the "in sickness and in health" portion of the vows come in. He needs to get his youngest kid away from her and do his best to weather the storm while mitigating damage and when she comes down he can step in and try to get her the help she needs. I really admire my FIL for being able to weather it with my MIL. She was nasty towards him the entire time she was manic. It helped that his kids were grown adults that could also help and reassure him that all will be fine.
If his wife is like my MIL, she won't even remember doing any of the horrible stuff. People tell her about what happened and its really like she is hearing it for the first time.
Posted on 5/20/24 at 12:49 pm to BigBinBR
Has your daughter's school year ended? Or did your wife pull her out of school or just make her go truant?
Where is your daughter?
Where is your daughter?
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