re: Wife is mad because I won't go to in laws twice in three weeks

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Probably spoken by someone who hasn’t had to caravan kids for what should be six hours but ends up closer to 10 by the end of it.

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No doubt. First off say there is one adult wife and 2 kids. None of the motherfrickers can control their bodily functions....if they think they may need to shite or piss sometime during the next 4 or 5 days it is an IMMEDIATE emergency that must be corrected immediately. They certainly will not have their bodily functions in synch....and nary a one of the bastards will think to go to the bathroom while the whole damned lot is stopped, At some point in time they are going to get hungry cause god forbid they should go more than 4 hours without slinging something down their throat. One would think, if they were not exposed to this shite, that them all living together there'd be some consensus on where and what to eat. There is not....each one of them will have an agenda and an excuse as to why the other agendas will not fit the bill. Finally, after exhaustive negotiations, recriminations, mentions of all manner of stomach ailments and health conditions, they will settle on Chick Fil A which, by the way, you mentioned about 8 hours ago and none of the ungrateful fricks thought it was a good idea. Of course most likely you will all wind up at McDonalds instead because the line at Chick Fil A is about as long as the trip itself or, and this one is always a good one, it is Sunday and they are closed which means it is the only thing on the planet that would please any one of them!

Despite the lot of the frickers having eaten about 80% of their lives caloric intake in similar situations, when you get to the menu sign they will collectively suddenly develop 2 things...a complete lack of memory and the tastes of a European gourmet. They will have you believe they have never seen a McDonalds menu before AND that they won't eat just anything despite the fact that you have seen both kids eat boogers and the wife has had shite in her mouth that you wouldn't dare put in yours. Finally, after more discussions about stomach issues and what gives one gas and constipates another, they will order EXACTLY the same thing they always order. Luckily, after being fed and at least one drink being spilled, they will get drowsy and fall asleep and leave you to your own thoughts....until their uncontrollable body functions kick in and the whole circus starts again. Yeah, its a fricking BALL.....