re: Wife is mad because I won't go to in laws twice in three weeks

Sounds like you messed up by not going to the graduation party.

I generally don't fight going to any family event because I like being able to go to by own family events, too. You only have so much time left with parents or grandparents and time with them is better spent than time just doing nothing at home.

My situation is different, though, as overnight visits generally aren't on the table with longest commutes being 4-5 hours roundtrip.